EdgeOfTheWorld



Saturday, September 17, 2003 -

	Soon after my return from falling off the earth, I was asked, �So now that you have looked in the face of death, what do you plan to do?� I didn�t know what to say, I didn�t know how to respond. My comment was meant it as a metaphor for me leaving and being gone awhile. I still sat and thought, �How I would respond to this had I actually fallen off the world, and stared into the face of death�Would I say that I will want to live my life for the moment from that second on out, will I want to go back because it turned out that the face of death meant a life in eternal happiness? What is it that makes me wonder why I think about this? Why is it that I would think one thing and say another? Why do I reply with a statement generic and planned? Why is it that I can�t believe and realize what I want from myself and from my life? Why is it that I have to use a play on someone else�s words that were probably ripped from someone else�s mouth? I walk to my room, I see the familiarity of a couple of weeks around me, and I realize, if I closed my eyes and had to walk blind, would I be able to do it, could I find my room, could I find my bed, could I make it to the bathroom, do I have my world laid out in my head? And I realize that I do, that I would be able to make it, I realize that my world isn�t changing, it is me that has adapted to my surroundings, for the first time in this place I look around and I realize that this isn�t just a house, or someone else�s building, or a dorm, or an apartment, this is where I am, where I live, where I belong. I think my answer to the great question that was posed to me, is simple, it is that I would want to live my life in such a way that I belonged for the rest of my life.

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