Monday 12 April 2004
That slinky expands and contracts as I play with it, and today it seems to be compressing a bit. I've the feeling I'm about to be once again overwhelmed by life.
I've the week off from teaching, but there's plenty of work to do. This morning I went in for a while to help Beth with our accreditation process; my job is to match the state and local educational standards to what we're doing at school for all subjects in the 8th grade. Gary and Tami were in today helping as well, each picking another grade level.
I was encouraged late last week when a woman who called herself "Dixie" wrote me from Cupid Junction, someone whose looks fit the standards about which I wrote in Ghosts three weeks ago. I wrote her back, but she's yet to respond. Perhaps I should just quit looking and wait to see what happens.
I spent Easter weekend in the company of family. Mom came up Friday to pick Catherine and me up, then came back Sunday to drop us off. Lori's little ones are growing like weeds and are speaking more clearly than last time I saw them (over Christmas). Cathy had a fantastic third-quarter report card, with two B+'s and the rest A's and A-'s. We ended up giving away our pictures as Easter gifts rather than waiting for birthdays coming up, though I still have to send Dad his. The kids (and adults) went ga-ga over my breakfasts both mornings, and Mom made a nice Easter dinner a day early so we all could enjoy it before we had to leave early on Sunday.
Meanwhile, no word yet from Jackie and her proposed visit. I have to admit I really wish I'll soon have the chance to write on these pages...
...but only time will tell. It's now been eight months since I've been with a woman and the loneliness is once again settling into a bad place. Yvonne, Jackie, and Kari have each crept into my dreams over the past two weeks and I awaken either sad, curious, or angry... but in every case, alone.
After Kari called a month ago, I went into another hibernation period in which I neither contacted nor returned calls to anyone for a week-and-a-half. Things are getting better with my slow emotional recovery since. Perhaps part of the feeling I have of impending disaster is the fact that I've still done nothing to get child support squared away. Perhaps it's the amount of work I have with school. Perhaps it's that I've only a couple days to get my taxes done. Perhaps it's the pressure I feel to finally quit smoking once and for all.
Perhaps it's because today is Dawson's birthday.
I will find my dream girl attractive.... She'll take pride in the way she looks... confidence in one's self often adds an intrinsic point or two on my ten-scale that others might not consider. She'll show off her legs a lot... often wearing skirts, dresses, and in the summertime, shorts. She's not afraid of what others think when she wears a swimsuit.