11 August 2003

Dear Ashley--

I'm not sure why I feel compelled to write you. I feel a certain kinship toward you. We each have big goals in life, we each crave the touch of another, and we each have thus far in life been dealt fairly shitty hands... yet we each have coping skills enough to persevere. Maybe it's the same birthday thing, I don't know.

Regardless of the reason, I write with the hope that you'll indulge me twice: First by forgiving the handwriting as I scribe in the combination of candlelight in my apartment and a few beers after work this evening; second by this letter's purpose... to kick you in the head. Once in a while a kick in the head is a necessary thing, and when done so by a friend is sometimes less painful. I trust in the hope that you know I truly have your best interest in heart.

I was floored tonight at your expectations of a man... that he be able to work on a car and to be well-established (financially secure). The first thing that came to mind was the man that you're looking for, in a word, is a wife-beater. You added that he have a good personality, meaning you want a popular wife-beater. I wished we had more time to talk on that subject and one other... the thought you mentioned that a wife should do the cooking and cleaning around the house. Goodness, my poor girl, I know there's a lot more running through your head than just that, and since we didn't have time to talk tonight I write here instead.

Let's talk marriage.... "Marriage" comes from the Greek. It means, "The Taming." 2300-2500 years ago, Greek teens led different lives... boys around age 12 would be schooled by sophists in the areas of writing, poetry, and the quadrivium (the four subjects that brought one closer to the gods: arithmetic, astronomy, geometry, and music), and by masters of the gymnasia in matters of athletics and the purpose of athletics... warfare. Greek girls around age 12 would be set free to do as they pleased, and what they pleased was a few years of wild partying, usually enough time to make them reckless and insolent. When it was time to pair up with life partners (then between the ages of 14-17), a young Greek man would find the young Greek woman ofhis fancy and try to tame her of her wild ways... to "settle down." To "marry."

Now, obviously, the world has changed much over the last two-and-a-half millennia. In this society men and women are offered pretty much the same schooling opportunities. Women today in this country have more career options than ever in the history of mankind. Women do not have to be subservient to men, nor should they have to be tamed into a position of subservience.