In the month that I've come to know you, I've found you to be intelligent (very much so), proud (of what you've accomplished, who you are know, and who you want to become), charming (as you say, you can have any man you want), kind (to anyone, until they cross you just once), and strong (both of mind and of spirit). You have so many positive things going for you, Ashley. That's why I find it such a waste to see you lower your standards in your choice of men.

12 August 2003

Life is always more grand after a few hours of sleep and morning coffee. I've walked four miles this morning and find myself atop a grassy hill in Rowe Park with the sun beating down on my back. What a beautiful day!

I seem to have hit a crossroads with the direction of this letter. I could turn one way and discuss my views of an ideal relationship. I could go straight where I left off, with your positive attributes and how they can harm or help you. I could turn another way and head down a road whose destination I do not yet know. Or I could turn back and not give you this letter at all. (That backward path seems sort of chicken-shit to me... I'll pass on that one.)

Let's turn toward the ideal relationship, see if that road leads to the one about your positive attributes (it will), and if there's anything left we'll see where it goes.

Love, for me, means complete trust and complete respect.

Complete trust? Being free to share any detail of your life without worry of rejection, scorn, or breaking confidence. The special person you love should be your closest friend. Complete trust is the knowledge that your partner is as faithful to you as you are to him or her. Complete trust is a total lack of jealousy on both parties' behalf.

Complete respect? Being totally supportive of one another's goals and desires and the willingness to help a partner realize them. The special person you love should be your biggest fan. Complete respect is the knowledge of your partner's likes and dislikes... finding things that please your partner and doing them more often... on discovering things that bother your partner to try to never do them again. Complete respect means never purposely doing harm to each other, physically, emotionally, or career-wise.