Wednesday 29 October 2003

For whatever reason I couldn't fall asleep last night. I wound up pulling an all-nighter, finally resting for a nap earlier this evening around 6pm. I woke up at eight, just as a cleansed-for-tv version of The Shawshank Redemption was starting. I'd seen it about twenty times before and pretty much know the whole movie by heart. I found myself toward the end of the show speaking aloud a quote I've said to myself many times: "Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies."

The most inspirational line in the movie is its last. Red closes, "I hope," awakened by the fact that he hadn't in years. I can relate. I have no clue exactly where I'll be in 60 hours, only that it will be better than where I am now. This Friday I'll be renting a truck one-way to Appleton and unloading my belongings into storage there. I will finally be able to close this very ugly chapter of my life. From there I need to find a place to live and a place to work.

Tomorrow I have to clean this apartment. Tomorrow evening will be my last night residing here, and my last chance for goodbyes to the locals. I sent a group email to my former students Monday, and though a number of them said they'd like to see me one last time, no definite plans have been made.

Tonight? I sleep. God, I'm so tired. But I've the feeling I'll be falling asleep with the dreams of a man about to be released from prison, unsure of what the future is about to bring, anxious for freedom, rehabilitated and ready to be a productive member of society.

What can I say? "I hope."

Continue...