Thursday 11 September 2003

In February, the depression and suicidal thoughts started pretty hot and heavy. Questions plagued me without answer. Did Jackie's dad contact someone on the school board, starting the principal's file of my policy violations? I don't know. Did Kari call the principal to smear my name and spread rumors in order to cause my dismissal? I don't know.

In a black hole, time slows down due to the immense gravity. For me, it was the same. I swear a week went by and it was March already. Another week went by and it was April. I knew I should get on the sub list for the Onalaska and La Crosse high schools and get some day-time income, but another week went by and April was over.

I ran into J.J. that month. He was driving past while I walked, stopped his car and walked up to me. He and Claire were dating for about a month and he was taking her to the prom that night. We talked for about ten minutes and we hugged each other before we went our separate ways.

It was strange. It was the most natural feeling in the world to be talking with him that when he first came up to me we continued walking for nearly a block. It took a few moments to realize that it was indeed unusual, that on a "real-life" calendar I hadn't seen nor spoken with him for three months.

Kari had not spoken to me since October 2002, but I knew she was carrying our Peanut and that he or she was due at the end of April. On my walks to work each day I would stop at the library in Onalaska to check my email. No word was ever left with me through mail, email, or phone, but on a search through the local newspaper online I learned that she gave birth to a son, Dawson, on April 12. I saw his picture in the newspaper later at the end of April. It's the only time I've seen him.

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