Wednesday 03 September 2003

The collapse of a star? Not being able to teach was the greatest single loss of my life... it hurt worse than my divorce, worse than any heartbreak, worse than the death of anyone I've known. I had the ability to touch more lives at one time than ever before, and now that ability was taken away.

The immense gravity and weight? Without a car and the ability to travel, I was trapped as surely as being drawn deeper into the hole. Without the financial capacity to improve, everything fell apart around me, falling deeper into another kind of hole.

No light emitted? No information can be transmitted from a black hole, and likewise none came from me. Communication was practically shut off to anyone, not even my family and friends.

Everything gets sucked into the awesome force? From my return from St. Louis until halfway through my first week of vacation with Catherine in June, I had to walk everywhere... and when I did, there was not a single bridge I crossed from which I didn't think of jumping, not a single truck nor train passing me of which I didn't think of falling in front. I thought of committing suicide every single day for four-and-a-half months, psychologically preparing myself to do so by shaving every hair from my body from February through April.

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