"Old Nasty" - A heartwarming story about mobile garbage...

This spring I bought a 1984 BMW 318i from some fucker from Saint-John. Granted, I only paid $1475.00
dollars for it, but it had more issues than... the moron I bought it from?

What does that all this say about me? adj - impuls'ive

Things I knew were wrong with it: Extra things I found out where wrong with it:
-Trunk lock stuck a bit
-Body was badly rusted
-Possible crack in exhaust
-Rear strut mount blown
-Seats were a bit crappy
-Exhaust had been totally removed and inncorrectly replaced, including a chopped stud in the manifold, missing studs in the engine block, no rubber hangers!
-Suspension was totally fucked, includinng a broken spring!
-Seats totally rotten, now totally brokeen.
-Gas tank leaked. Transfer (in-tank) fueel pump didn't work. Fuel hoses totally rotten.
-One low beam didn't work when the high beams were on (they're dual filament).
-Rear brake shoes were bad.
-Bad idle control valve (idled too high)).
-Missing bolts for the shifter.

Anyway, the list is longer than that, but I'm bored. Needless to say, it's a piece of shit. It
did make it all the way across Canada though, and still gets as high as 32 miles per gallon, somehow.

It was always loud (which I attributed to a bunch of missing studs on the exhaust manifold) but
it started to get really loud, and driving poorly, so I brought it to some mechanic who works on
bimmers. He took a look at it (at 70 bucks an hour) and found a totally destroyed camshaft and rockers.
Approximate cost to fix $1800. Also, the front right wheel bearing is hooped. Cost for parts alone,
$150. Now factor in the cost of suspension, seats, new fuel lines, brake job, tune-up, body work...

Don't be fooled though, I drive the hell out of that car.. I let it warm up slowly enough, but
once it's warm I drive 'er like I stole 'er. She goes pretty good (at least used to). Rear wheel
drive too, so I can lose traction around corners in the rain whenever I want. Pretty rad. The drive
to Squamish is pretty intense too, I assure you.

About now, it was looking like it was going to cost more than a new car to fix the old one, without even considering the body. So I did some figuring, and eventually found a car just down the hill from our place.. Enter the 1989 325i.

Oh, and the moral of the story? Every one is a bastard, and everyone is trying to rip you off. I'm gonna track down that guy who sold me that car though, don't you worry. I still have his card. He'll get his.

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© Copyright Mitch LeBlanc, 2002
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