The Ed - You join us live at the wedding control centre - again. Let's meet tonight's players:

Hello, Newman  - Right, I'm just about to set off to the church now. I still think these pants are too tight. I feel like Tom Jones or something. Oh, here's the car now. A Ford Capri? Well budgets are tight right now. Oh, good point, we need transport for Miranda.. erm...

HamsterGirl  - Holly the cow horse is groomed an' looking a little less cow like an' will be round to pick up Misty M 2001 at 9 o clock sharp! Horse in position - check.

 Misty Miranda 2001  - It's finally time! I'm on my way to the church. (Sound of horse hooves clip clopping in the background) A helter-skelter would have been more fun. I KNEW I should have borrowed Jamie's magic torch. Okay. Has anyone seen the vicar?

The Holyman - You're looking for a vicar, the Holyman has arrived with his cat to save the day. We are gathered here today to celebrate in the joining of holy matrimony.. Whoa, hold your jets there, my man. Okay, vicar in position, check. Bee and Gee on way - check.

Hello, Newman  - Flamin' Nora! I can't believe the driver stopped for an Exchange & Mart on the way. We're late! Meanwhile…

Misty Miranda 2001 - Joy, Daisy, will you two cheer up? I've seen happier faces at an Eldorado convention!

Samurai Hamster - Arghh! I didn't read mailbox until this morning! Can I still come to the wedding? Hm. Ok!

Olympic Mailbox Hero Kurt Angle - A wedding? I am amazed. Does that mean that I will not be able to speak to my legions of fans? Not yet

Mr Bundy - Miranda & Hello, congratulations, good luck for the future, have fun at the honeymoon. And Miranda, I hope you didn't forget to get something old, new, borrowed & blue.

Mr No Name - I'm not a regular mailboxer but I am glad to take my seat here at the back and wish the happy couple many many years of love and good fortune.

Portkman  - I assume we'll be sitting boy-girl at the wedding, so I'd like to be seated between Juicyfruit and Kerrie Sakura, assuming they're both girls!

RBS - All the best for the wedding! One moment, we have a feed from the mailbox outside broadcast unit..

AG Pennypacker - The time has finally arrived for the happy couple - or not, due to my nefarious plans. Having placed seeds of doubt as to each other's fidelity, a raucous fight broke out. But I'm sure you know that as you were there at the wedding.. of.. Pamela and.. Steve. Oh dear. I thought it was a little too easy. Ah well, one ruined wedding's as good as any other. Advantage Pennypacker! Evil super genius at wrong church - check.

No Name - Since I've never been on mailbox before, does this make me the equivalent of the guy in the wedding pictures who nobody knows? (Goes on to tell blue joke) Something blue.. check.

Dennis, Bristol  - Can I be the one to catch the bouquet? As long as you're in position.

Bobby Digital - So finally the world's first telephone wedding has arrived! Congratulations to the happy couple, but is this Mailbox or Las Vegas? Maybe it's Mailbox and Las Vegas together, in one happy little package?

Bobby Digital - I'll just quietly hang around at the back of the church, eat some cake and then bust some serious breakdance moves at the reception before sneaking off into the night, to begin cracking the Six Mysterious Secrets of Mailbox...

 Ghost In Michelle - OK then Ed, if I'm to attend this wedding I will be needing some suitable attire. Whaddaya think, red dress or blue dress? Um.. red?

Evil Edna - Any chemist shops around here? Only I forgot to get an extra roll of film for my camera. Could you see if they have any spare tapes for the video camera too?

The Bilingualmonkey - Oh! Can I be the person at the wedding who has something dratic to announce, but never takes his chances until it's too late? I think I'm on time. Yup, not long to go now.

The Maid of Honour, Cyberax  - Here we go then, and as the Maid of Honour may I welcome you all to the Mailbox wedding. Friend of the bride or the groom? Please take your seats quietly, no confetti until after the ceremony thank you. Ed, you look fantastic in that suit. Anyone here to cause trouble? Pennypacker? Is that a water pistol under your jacket? Give it here... No, you cannot bring any apples into the church. Oh come on, you can't expect me to sit all the way through this without having something to eat at half time. Do they have a half time break before the vows, for the adverts?

Daily Quasar - We are proud to announce that Hello has dropped out of the running to cover the bash (we deny all charges of blackmail) and Mitzi Muligatawney our gossip columnist has got everything bugged...we mean covered. The true story will be told, probably by someone else but our version will be more slanderous. What?! This wedding is not open to members of the press. Out! Out!

The Grandmaster - Let me in! Okay, you can come in, but no reporters.

Talisman - Best wishes for the happy couple, Pamela and Steve! ?

Daphne Crane - I don't have much to say about the wedding, but will the bridesmaids be wearing those lovely dresses as modelled by Roz on Tuesday's Frasier? Ah.. has anyone seen the bridesmaids?

Tom3 - I've just come to this wedding for the bridesmaids, so if any of them want me, I'll be in the corner getting drunk. Aha.

Daily Quasar - Exclusive! Ed blames Vicar for delay, but who really put chocolate shavings in his warm milk? Mitzi reveals all in our special issue. Look, I told you, no reporters.

Hello, Newman - I'm waiting for Miranda now. These pants are DEFINITELY too tight. (Theme to You & Me starts up). Ooh, here she comes! Why is it that I keep thinking of The Graduate though? If I see Dustin Hoffman there will be trouble. Miranda is in the house! (The horse is still outside)

Li'l Bandit - Doesn't the bride look lovely? I've bought 2 bags of confetti to throw because Pigeons can die from eating rice, unless they are super pigeons, but who wants a race of ultra-cyber-birds?! As I pause to scan this message for double meanings..

Ghost In Michelle - I still haven't n't brought any shoes yet. Cripes! High heels or platforms, Ed? Um.. I suppose high heels are as good as any.

Scarlet Starlet - As I've only graced mailbox once before I suppose this makes me the equivalent of the distant cousin, who no-one quite recognises but doesn't want to say anything. OK.

The Ed - And Miranda is walking up the aisle, surrounded by some rather burly and intimidating looking bridesmaids, and at this moment..
 GOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL! Oh, I'm sorry, I was distracted by something. Back to the wedding.

Vicar - Friends and Mailboxers, we are reading this page today to witness the bizarre wedding of Hello, Newman and Misty Miranda 2001. If anyone knows and lawful impediment why they should not be married then speak now or forever hold your peace, or somebody else's.

The Ed - At this point, Miranda's bridesmaid, Joy, is issuing hard stares and indicating that no objections will be accepted..

George, Zippy & Bungle - Sniff! I always cry at weddings. Congratulations guys, good luck. Hey, nice cake. Can I.. No! Not yet!

Ghost In Michelle - I'll be needing a hat too I suppose. How come men don't have these problems, you just go out and buy some cheap suit and stick a flower in your lapel. - sigh..

Benton Fraser's Hat - To Hello, Newman and Misty Miranda, good luck with the wedding!!! Don't forget you have to be at least 10 minutes late. Where are you going on the honeymoon? I recommend Canada because there's loads of Mounties.

Daily Quasar - Now, enough is enough. Mitzi has been hiding in the church bells for hours AND HER EARS HURT. So get a move on or the Health and Safety are going to deport me from the Caymans. Security!

Ghost In Michelle - Aaargh, wrong church!! This is like that Hugh Grant film... Nine Months. And these shoes are killing me! That's what happens when you take shoe advice from a man.

John Hutchinson - Sincere good virtual wishes to Misty Miranda and Hello Newman for their virtual nuptials on Friday. Who is going to be officating at this virtual wedding? Well I'm not entirely sure but I think there may be two weddings taking place in this venue.

Baz the Broad - Congratulations to Misty Miranda 2001 and Hello, Newman. May you have a very happy and long life together! Best of luck! Is it time to throw the confetti yet? Not just yet. Actually, everyone be quiet, I think they've reached the important bit of the ceremony..

Hello, Newman - I promise to take you, Miranda, as my Mailbox wife, to never eat in bed, to never wear a pair of socks for more than one day at a time, to never look at the football scores during... (Ed coughs loudly) to always let you control the remote controls and that I will ALWAYS love you, even when you're old and look like a prune.

Happy Bunny - Here comes the bride, na na na na.... do do... Damn, I don't know the words. Anyway, I BAGS THE BOUQUET!! Is some sort of goodwill message in order? Er, good luck and all that then Misty and Hello. Down in front!

Misty Miranda 2001 - I promise to take you, Hello, Newman, as my Mailbox husband, to never borrow your razor to shave my legs, to not play Pokemon during breakfast, to never nag you about toilet seat issues, and to curl up with you to read Mailbox together until Ed's drawing his pension. (Hello, Newman and Miranda exchange rings while The Rock sits blubbing in the corner.)

Vicar - May these two people find happiness in their insanity. I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now email the bride. Hey, hey! They're packing keyboards! ... Well, who knew?

The Ed - Okay, cue the confetti! (Hello, Newman and Miranda lovingly tap away on their keyboards while Joy finishes attacking the gathering.)

Ricardo - Hurrah, Congrats to mailbox's favourite couple. ooh, cake.. I told the caterers not to bring the cake in until later, it's distracting people now.

Newjack - Times like this make me wish I didn't rent a suit from Triple 6. I mean, it doesn't have any sleeves or legs from the knees down, and it's pink! How am I meant to pull all the chicks in this?!

Genar Hofoen - Heya Ed!!! Congrats to MM2K and HN on their joyous day. As a wedding prezzy, I can donate either a box of used Beta tapes or a replacement VHS machine to Olaf, whose tragic story tugged me heart strings.

Ritchy C - According to the dictionary, wedding is the removal of plants or other hazardous objects... wait a minute..

Porkman - Hey, is the Rock here? Perhaps he's forgot about the wedding because of his exams! Ssh! Don't say that, it'll only encourage him.

The Rock, Widnes - Finally, The Rock has come back to Mailbox! Yes, The Rock takes a one night only break from his A levels to attend the ceremony to beat all ceremonies. Miranda, Newman, The Rock is here for you. In fact, The Rock will video this entire ceremony on the people's camcorder. So let's go and find some mailboxers.. Uh-oh.

 Kitt, Cumbernauld - Congratulations to Miranda & Newman. Do you think he'll be living up to his "new man" name and doing all the cooking and cleaning at home? I'm sure he will represent men everywhere to his best potential.

Varnson - Still bruised and battered by the incident in the taxi, I am here at the wedding to stop Pennypacker once and for all and... oh! It's all over. Everything seems to be.. okay. Van Delay is going to pay for.. ooh, free food!

MCNik - Now we're onto the requests section of the evening.. And first up for Stuart Henderson is 'A million love songs' by Take That.

Professor Oak - Miranda, why did you ban apple cider? Now that I've drunk all the beer, I'm very, very dru.. (Collapses into the wedding cake)

Olaf Bogus - Congratulations to Miranda and Newman. My present is a slightly charred Betamax tape with the Two Ronnies on it. What's Miranda's married name going to be? Miranda Newman? Miranda Newman-2001? Hm. A good question.

Triple 6 - Hey, the food here is quite nice. (Horse-like chomping sound) Mm, juicy! Hey, those apples are for the horse parked outside!

Chizzy - Although I was highly disturbed by the penguin incident, I would really like to congratulate the happy couple on their wedding. I once proposed to a yak, but was turned down for a dam dirty ape.

Varnson - Mm! This is good food.. very good. The caterer should be.. rewarded, or something. Ooh, vol-au-vents!

The Rock meets.. Triple 6 - Say hello to the people's camera! Why have you got your back to the wall? Darn it, I've dropped the camera. Could you pick it up for me? Hey, where are you running off to?

MCNik  - Next request is from Lady on a Rooftop, and it's "Am I Evil" by Metallica. Uh?

The Rock meets.. Ed! - Hey, long time no see! You're right, The Rock is looking great. What? Ratings have nosedived? You need the great one back? I don't know.. What? You'll bring back Rock Radio? Give The Rock his own section on the website? You'll put his picture on? Well, that would do wonders for ratings. I don't know.. What the? Has someone spiked my lemonade? I don't remember saying any of these things.

MCNik  - Especially for Triple 6, 5-6-7-8 by Steps!

Steven, Dundee - What a lovely ceremony.. the bride looked beautiful... yadda yadda... Lets cut to the chase. I was lead to believe there would be an open bar at this thing. Could you point me in the right direction. The free bar is next door. Password is "I'm a good friend of Pamela."

The Electric Dragon - And now a toast of my own - May all your wishes come true; and may you always get more than you wish for. To Miranda and Newman - (clink)

Kerrie Sakura - Sorry about this... I always cry at weddings (sob) But I'll probably cheer myself up at the reception, rah! For karaoke I'll be doing Santa Poca's Dream by Rosita but whoever agreed to let me near a kareoke machine in the first place should be ashamed of themselves. Anyway... best wishes to our happy couple... oh, I'm filling up again... :-)

AC - Is this Ted and Sheila's wedding party?. What? This is the mullbox inn, isn't it? I told you you wrote it down wrong Margo! Right we're leaving!.. Hang on there's the buffet, maybe we can stay..

Speednik - So, ever since April 24th 1999 have we thrilled to the strains of Hello Newman, but a mere bubby compared to "Misty" Miranda who first checked into the Mailbox Hotel far far back in the mists of February 11th 1998.. I have fond memories of the time we spent together in the Mailbox band, and her habit of ringing up from weird places.. But without any further ado I'd like to wish the happy couple the best of each others' lives.. Thank you, and now on with the entertainments.. Oh, crud, I'm the DJ as well, hang about... He clears the table with a single bound and is now legging it up the hall..

MC Nik - Table 12, your taxi's here. Requests from The Rock include "The Living Years", and Triple 6 wants "Mr Blue Sky", but all in good time ladies and gentlemen, the bride and groom have requested the new Pokemon theme and I'm happy to oblige. See you all after the party.

Speedy Pizza - Hey all. I just made a HUGE pizza for the after wedding party. It is 100 ft x 100 ft and has 2 3D wedding bells drawn on it with white quorn sausage and a strawberry sauce heart under the bell. I would just like to say MASSIVE CONGRATS to the couple! Hey, we got pizza!

Dalvado - I'd just like to say that - like those people who appear uninvited to weddings - I'm only here for the free food. Anyway, while I'm here I might aswell offer my services as an entertainer. My range of impersonations include Prince Charles, Neil Kinnock, and Glenn Hoddle, to count just th ree - although Kinnock sounds like Charles, so it's only two really.

Professor Oak - Yes! The wedding is finnally come! I can be Wedding Singer! Do you really want to love me? Do you really want to make me cry? Oh great! I forgot the rest of the words!! .

Hello, Newman 2001 - OK, which herbert tied apples to the back of our car? ED! I can't believe I've done it! I'm finally hitched! Speednik didn't help my nerves though by pulling out a Hula Hoop instead of the ring.

Misty Miranda 2001 - Present time! Oooh, a toaster! Let's see. Oh, another toaster.. hmm, I wonder what THIS one is.. oh, what a surprise. Is it an apple?

Hello, Newman - I must say that Speednik is a top DJ. I reckon he's really Norman Cook. He has the same taste in shirts.

Max, Bridgnorth - Love is strange, and mailbox is stranger, and today as Chage and Aska (who the heck are they, I ask ya) plays on the wedding PA, we see Hello and Misty walk towards a new day. What am I saying, I can't see a thing. Don't worry, it'll be on video.
 
 Misty Miranda 2001 - Karaoke time! Hey, Ed, you're not getting out of it THAT easily. Time for 'There's no one Quite Like Grandma' Oh dear, I seem to have broken the microphone.

Hello, Newman - Alright, we're off to the honeymoon now. It was a great reception. I must say, whoever invited Keith Chegwin must be applauded! His impression of an elephant was so bad it was funny. Interesting fruit punch too. It tasted familiar.....

Misty Miranda 2001- Thank you to everyone who helped to make this the wedding of the Mailbox Millennium and who put up with all this wedding business for the last few months! We're off on honeymoon now!

Hello, Newman  - I hear MTV Text is nice at this time of year!
 
Misty Miranda Newman 2001 & Hello Newman 2001 - We'd like to thank everyone for putting up with all this wedding stuff and thanks to everyone who sent in messages concerning it. And of course, thanks to you, Ed for letting us go through with it. This whole wedding thing has been significant to us because without it, we wouldn't have met for real. And because of all this, we really did fall in love with each other and could not be happier together. It'll be a good dress rehearsal for the real thing one day, and there will be such a day. Thanks Ed, and thanks to everyone.

The Ed - That's it! Due congratulations to England who did the business this evening at the big event which, albeit less significant than the wedding, was also going on. Mailbox is back next week - night all!

Kheldar - Gosh, what a great wedding that was. However, I seem to have had rather too much to drink and seem to be waking
up in a skip with only a nicked traffic cone for company. Where am I?... Help!