My tummy�s all rumbly, apparently very annoyed with me for skipping breakfast. It needs sugar on a regular basis to be happy, why can�t people understand that if the tummy�s happy, the rest of the body is too?
Okay, not all of the body. Heart-ache isn�t nice either, and that�s what kept me from grabbing six of the dozen donuts meant for the entire office staff. It hurts a little more than my tummy even now�maybe, my tummy hurts cause my chest does. Most things like this affect my stomach in some manner, which is why I�ve started chowing down so much around my newest partner. He makes both my head and my heart hurt. My head, because I can�t figure him out, my heart, because I don�t know how to make it better. Which in turn makes my tummy hurt, making me hungry and craving sugar�
Gurble. Gurble, burble, urgle.
Mou�I think the pain in my chest will have to wait a bit before I can continue to nurse it, tummy�s taking the lead in the race for my attention. But I don�t want to go out there right now and have to face all those people, there�s no way I can even crack a smile right now. What to do, what to do? I don�t want to call for take-out�I don�t have the money for take-out. Mou�
Someone�s knocking on my door, but I don�t want to get up and answer it, since if I do, then I�ll have to talk with them for a bit, and smile, and laugh, and maybe let their gaze travel all over me, touching me with their eyes, undressing me in their mind. I don�t need to be a mind reader to know that nearly everyone in the office, and beyond, apparently, wants me in some way or another. Just because I can ignore it and act cheerful doesn�t mean I don�t notice what people really think about when they look at me, hell, most of us are guys, it�s not that hard to figure out. I only want one person to touch me like that, and he wants no such thing.
They�re still knocking. Won�t you please just go away and leave me be? I have to take care of my booboos with no one here to kiss them and make them better. At least, no one I want to let do that, anyways. I want Hisoka, the way he was last night, the way he is but for one small difference.
I want him to want me too�and I want whoever�s knocking to stop it already! I give up� I shove myself out from behind my desk and make my way to the door, steeling my smile in place as I rip it nearly off it�s hinges.
�Sorry I took so long to answer, I was just�� My voice dies on me. It�s him.
Hisoka.
�Here.� He shoves a box into my hands, then places another on top of it, much smaller than the first, and starts to walk away. He�s leaving me alone. I don�t want him to go.
�Wait! I�need some�.some help with my report and�you�re so good at that type of thing. I still don�t understand these computers much�.� I�m lying through my teeth, and he knows it.
�Yeah right Tsuzuki�� My name on his lips, is heavenly. �You know how to type as well as I do.� Why this hesitation? Usually he�d just snort and walk off.
�But�I want to do that�um�thingy�with the colours��
�A pie chart?�
�Pie?!� The exclamation slips out instinctively and he raises a hand to his head as if warding off a headache.
�A pie chart. With sections and�.oh�I�ll do it.� He turns and stalks under my arm and into my office, making his way to my computer. I take the time to open the bigger box�he brought me donuts. I�d thank him, but my mouth is full and he doesn�t take well to being sprayed with mouth crumbs�or so I�ve noticed.
�Naaa�ari�gato��s�ka-kun.� I mumble anyways.
�Thought you�d be hungry.� He mutters back. I open the second, and nearly spit my mouthful all over the desk. I don�t, just because I�m so hungry right now wasting food is not an option. He hasn�t moved since he sat down, and his eyes are minty green right now, telling me he�s scared about something, and he�s staring at me. Gauging my reaction to what I hold in my hand.
�I was. Thank you.� The donuts are gone, and I lick my fingers. He stiffens.
�Hn. You�re a bottomless pit.� He snorts, watching my screen saver start up. His eyes still that wary mint green, but tinged with pine, showing he�s thinking hard about something.
�But I�m full now�� I say. Sure, my tummy�s happy again, but it�s left a gaping whole in my heart, in the shape of his own. I feel empty. So empty. I need you Hisoka�
�Baka...� He mutters. Did I say that out loud? �..aren�t you going to read the note?� He asks, and for one stark moment I�m both horribly crushed and intensely relieved. I fumble for said note, give it a once over, and realize what Watari is talking about all in the space of three seconds.
Our promise. To help each other move on from our hang ups. I convinced the JuOhChou board of directors to let him set up a lab�and he let go of his life and started to enjoy death. I�d already moved from that point�so he said he would prove to me that love existed after the physical body died.
Of course he would have to include lube. Go Watari. I know he�s tried to set me up with almost everyone, including himself, but the blind date thing was never my scene�I missed more than I showed up too, and enjoyed maybe two of the ones I did arrive at, one because dessert was involved, the other, because it was Tatsumi, and he knew that nothing would come of it.
Never with Hisoka though. Maybe because of my partner�s prickly nature, or because he knew that he didn�t have to. Whichever it was, my door�s locked, Hisoka�s here, I have lube, and absolutely no clue what to do. He does something, saving me the trouble.
�So?� He�s referring to the note, which gives me something to talk about. I bubble, the instinct to hide so great, and let myself go.
�See, when Watari first joined as a shinigami he was very stuck on the people he�d left behind and so we decided we�d help each other out a little bit by doing what we could. I got him a lab, and that made him really happy.� I know I�ve got my puppy eyes on full blast, and Hisoka is unimpressed.
�And?�
�And so once I was done helping him with his hang ups since he likes science so much and all he said he would help me with mine. Isn�t it nice when people help each other out? I think it is.� Crap, I�m babbling a little more than I intended to. Hisoka glares at me, his eyes the leafy green of anger.
�If you�re not going to say anything of value I�m leaving.� And he starts to go. I grab his arm.
�I�m sorry Hisoka. Whatever I did, I�m sorry! Please don�t be mad anymore�� I bawl. He looks away.
�Tsuzuki�do you love me?� That shuts me up momentarily, letting me recover a bit, be more dignified as I stand and lean against the wall next to him.
�I do. I told you that. I thought you didn�t want to hear it.�
�I didn�t.�
�See! That�s my point. I love you and you hate me and it�s going to�.�
�I�m not worth your time.� I stop, gaping like a fish. Wasn�t that my line?
�Not�not worthy?! Hisoka, may I say something that a good friend once told me?�
�You�re going to whether I want you to or not.�
�You�re right. I love you. You are worthy. I love you. I need you. I can�t live without you. I. Need. You. Only you.�
�And if I said you�re an idiot for wanting damaged goods?�
�I�d say I like being an idiot, and what�s one man�s trash is another man�s treasure. You�re my treasure. I love you.� We stand there, in the silence, for an eternity. I�m staring at him, he�s glaring at the floor, or staring at the floor, I�m not sure which. It takes me a while to notice how his hands are trembling nearly as badly as my own. Won�t he say something? Anything? I love you too, Tsuzuki? I hate you, get out of my death?
�Say it again.� He whispers, swallowing convulsively.
�I love you.� My words come, the truth in them crystal clear.
�Again.� He demands.
�I love you.� I respond.
�Again!� He cries.
�Aishiteru, Hisoka. Forever and a day.� He breaks then, but this time, I�m there to catch him as he falls. I�ll always be there. Always.
