I�ve messed up again, somehow. I know it. Maybe it was�did I betray the trust he�d shown me? Is that why he was mad at me? I should have put him to bed and left for my own place, my own bed� but� his nightmares. I never knew they were so bad. Sure, I�ve had glimpses, seen bits and pieces when our skin has brushed through accident or design. But I�ve never had to experience it from start to finish, over and over again, and be unable to break out of the memory or help him in any way. And always from behind, never being able to see what was going on, to anticipate, to fight as the pain came.
When they stopped, I woke up crying. It was still dark out, the sun hadn�t even started to rise, and Hisoka was still on top of me, his hand gently brushing my face. I thought I�d woken him up, until his closed, fluttering eyelids and deep, steady breathing registered. Comforting me in his sleep from nightmares he himself experienced. He�s incredible. I held him a little tighter and fell back asleep, only to wake once more when he stirred, mumbling into my chest and scraping his face against one of my shirt�s buttons. He reminded me of a sleepy kitten as he yawned, his pink tongue showing. How can someone so perfect have such a horrible life? It hurts me to think of what he�s been through, and at the same time, I�m grateful. Life experiences made him a shinigami, brought him to me.
He moves then, and a light flush spreads across the bridge of his nose. I wonder what�s going through his mind, he�s been staring for the past six or seven minutes. Whether that stare is vacant or with purpose is up for discussion, I prefer to think he�s staring at me. Suddenly, I feel him trying to get through the light shields I have up. It tickles, so I laugh and he smiles. I have to make him do that more often.
It�s then I notice the tears seeping from his soulful eyes, and brush what I can away instinctively. I want to protect him, even if he doesn�t really need it.
��Soka�� I whisper. That�s where I fucked up. I�ve found my mistake. I shouldn�t have said anything, shouldn�t have broken the spell that rested in his room over the both of us. But I did, and all my hopes crumbled to ash as he shoved himself off of me, stumbling a bit. I was confused then, but now the clarity of that split second is sharp and stabbing my soul.
�Get out.� His words hurt me as I thought nothing could. I�ve been burned, stabbed, shot�but those two simple words killed me as no physical weapon could.
��Soka?� I asked, making the same mistake and driving him further from me. His eyes narrow and his hand rises to his head as though he�s in pain. My legs are weak from the anguish his cold words cause.
�Get out Tsuzuki.� The venom in his words makes me flinch, but I�m still worried about him.
�Alright. See you at�.� He doesn�t let me finish.
�I said get out!� I jump at his shout, get the hint, and make my way to the door. They say hindsight is twenty-twenty, but I don�t need to look back to know that I love him, and that he hasn�t turned around to watch me go. I let the door close behind me, and head towards my own house to change and get ready for work. Luckily, no one else is up at this hour, so I don�t have to smile, don�t have to bounce, don�t have to hide my tears.
I messed up bad. Bad Tsuzuki. Bad.
--
I stare as Watari pulls out diagrams, charts, models, and things I really don�t want to even think about why he has them. I mean, who really needs eight litres of sardine flavoured lube? If I wasn�t feeling so miserable, I would have laughed. I�ll have to thank him later for trying to cheer me up, but right now, I have a lecture on the ins and outs of gay sex as if I don�t already know that stick A goes in slot B. It�s nice to know he�s trying, but he doesn�t need to try so hard.
Really. It�s okay.
Midway through the description of �when a guy likes another guy and they have even four minutes of spare time� part of the lecture, Watari suddenly flushes bright red. I have to review what he had just said, and feel my ears heat.
��even manage a quickie in the crew room.� Well, what do we have here? Is he a closet kink? Oh�this is good. Call me malicious, but I�ve figured out a way to get out of this. I�m grateful that he pulled me out and all�I couldn�t face Tatsumi again if I broke down in front of him�but still, this is too much.
�What�what about, when you want more, than a �quickie� with someone�� I ask, making sure to put on my most innocent face. It hurts my facial muscles, and I�m a bit disturbed by the flash of lust I get from him, but it�s worth the utter shock.
If I wasn�t me, I�d laugh out loud. Since I am, I glare.
�Well�um�then, you�I�uh�� He�s ever so articulate. I play �torture Watari� more�and I do.
�I�I kissed him.� I pitch my voice low, and am rewarded for my subterfuge with a gush of blood hastily covered by a chart being pulled out and placed on the remains of the wall behind him. He coughs, then abruptly spins about and sits down - crossing his legs - and starts to babble.
�Well, Bon. First things first. Did you slip him some tongue?�
Oh crap. Not the response I was expecting. Watari _is_ a closet kink�and the doors are wide open.
�Uh, he kinda�� My hands go to cover my mouth the �doctor�s� grin turns absolutely lecherous.
�Oh, wonderful. This saves so much time.� He bounds up from his chair and kneels between my legs.
�WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!� I yelled. He looked up and grinned.
�Something I should have done long ago�� His head goes back down and I teleport out of there to a place slightly behind and to the right, glare already in place.
�Explain.� I snap. He spins about and grabs my hand tightly so I can�t pull away.
�Give this to Tsuzuki, he�ll know what to do.� Watari curls my hand around the box, then spins and nearly runs from the room towards the main office. I�m left to sit there, and wonder if I should do as he suggests, or open it right here and now.
The latter. Definitely the latter.
The tape is short work for my fingernails and I shake to let the contents spill onto my hands.
Lube is the first thing to fall out, what a surprise. I swear, Watari has a one track mind. The next is a small pill, completely odourless. I�m not tasting it, I�m not that dumb. The third thing is a vile filled with a greenish blue liquid sloshing about inside. Last, a slip of paper. I let the other things drop to the charred countertop in favour of discovering what the note says.
Since I read so much, it�s simple work to figure out the sloppy kanji. No wonder Watari has so many accidents, if his writing�s this bad. Unfortunately, the note is no help at all.
�Remember when I first got here, the promise we made? You fulfilled your end of the bargain, so here�s my contribution to your happiness. Use with care, and best of luck! Your friend, Watari Yutaka�
Perfect. What a waste of a morning, and I have a report due at five. Just perfect.
--
After that little talk with Bon, I�ve got a serious problem on my hands here. Well, hopefully I can transfer ownership for a while. I was serious about the four minute quickie in the crew room� Now to get to the office before I explode. I was seriously ready to jump the little guy right then and there, and having to get the box from under the exam table�smelling his scent�ARGH! Running is so very painful�I don�t bother knocking, just rip the door open, slam it behind my back without breaking the hinges (I hope) and do a flying tackle for the figure behind the desk.
He lets out this indignant little squawk as I knock him out of his chair and on to the floor, going for his belt buckle instantly. I don�t care. Thoughts of Bon have filled my head and they�re driving me insane. I know he doesn�t mind, neither of us can have the ones we want, so we�ve settled for each other. Tsuzuki and Hisoka were meant to be�we�re just fuck buddies. Friends with benefits.
I have his buckle undone and don�t bother to even pull his pants off before swallowing him whole.
�Watari!� He yells, uncaring of who may hear. That outburst quickly turns to moans as I work at him. What can I say? I�m good with my tongue�
He bats at me to get me to turn around so he can repay the favour, and, in my already painfully aroused state, it doesn�t take me long to lose it. Fortunately, I�m _really_ good with my tongue, and he�s not far behind.
Because this has happened before, he keeps a pile of tissues close by at all times for clean up purposes. They�re in his office cause mine goes up in smoke on a regular basis�and it�s usually me chasing him down for a quick fix, not the other way around.
Although, when he does the chasing�mmm. That�s nice.
�What brought that on? Not that I�m complaining, but this was rather important�� He asks, and holds up what looks to be a rather lengthy report. I start to fix our clothing before responding.
�Explained sex to Bon.� He chuckles at my words and I pout. �What? It was hard!�
�In more ways than one, I�d imagine. Get back to work, Watari. I may need to drop in later.�
�Fine.� I huff, then grin. �My turn to top.�
�You just forfeited.�
�Mou, you�re no fun.�
�You know it. Scram.�
�Sure thing�and Tatsumi?�
�What?�
�Thanks.� I leave before he can say you�re welcome.
