I�ll shut up now�this has got to be the longest note I�ve ever written.
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It�s been months since the whole, incident, and nothing�s changed. Everything is the same as it was before. Work, play (sometimes but not nearly enough�), eat, sleep. That�s it. Sometimes I wonder if things will ever change on the outside, like they have on the inside. I�ve been pushed to a discovery, one that has plagued me almost all of my existence.
I am not worthless, not an abomination, not a monster. He said that too me. No matter what has happened in my past, the events leading up to my death� even that pain was worth suffering. In the fires�when I thought he would burn� I realized that he meant what he said. I am not a monster. My nightmares should end with the rising sun.
I am someone. I am worthy. I am perfect just the way I am� he tells me these things, I cannot say them back, but I know, deep in my heart, that he knows I mean what I say as much as what I don�t say. I know he feels it, how can he not?
He�s been hurt, like me. He�s dead, like me. He�s very uncertain of me, just as I am of him. I don�t need to be an empath to tell. It�s obvious, rather evidently so if the actions of Watari and Tatsumi are any indicator. I hide from him behind my masks, but he sees right through them, not saying anything to give myself away.
He�s fallen asleep at his desk, and soft snores echo through the office. It�s so very adorable, amazing really, how innocent and�cuddly�he looks. I should have expected this, it was a very difficult mission for him. I should have�I should have heard his shout before he rushed through that black fire to save me from myself. But I didn�t.
Someone once asked me if I could keep a secret. I said maybe, as, despite my happy go lucky attitude, I understand that some secrets are made to be broken.
He�s been broken. He�s picked up the glittering fragments and made a better whole. He�s beautiful. I love him. This is one secret that I will keep until the end of days.
My secret.
My Hisoka.
