1:00 PM : Angeline and I just had lunch and now we have to study for our exam tomorrow... except, she's sleeping and won't get up... We're both so tired and exhausted, however, the exam we'll be taking tomorrow morning is a huge exam... Wish us luck on our exam tomorrow... I have my fingers crossed. Oh yeah, I just got done taking a shower when Angeline came over and I was half-naked. She tells me that I don't look as good as she does when she's half-naked... And she's traumatized as of the moment because she witnessed something her eyes couldn't handle last night... Poor thing. Something about seeing some guy fully naked.
7:30 PM: We had dinner and now we're about to study. But my father came home and Angie's hiding from him in the closet.
On another note, today is my six month anniversary with Jonathan Cheng; I really love you...
December 19, 2000
Good morning everyone... =) I have to go to school now to take our exam; one word of advice... when studying and preparing for an exam (a final, at that) do not study with a close friend... procrastination is inevitable...
Well, what do I have planned for today? After the history exam, we have to take one of Joanne's friends, Yumi, shopping around Myungdong to buy winter coats. And then I'm meeting up with Bryon from San Diego... yay! I haven't seen him for two years and last year, we were suppose to meet up except he lost my number... or that's what he says. Wish me luck on my exam... I need it...
11:42 PM: I did a lot today. My exams are over. The school year is over. I've celebrated this day by sipping on grape so-ju (which tasted like cough medicine) with friends, including Bryon and his brother who I actually met today. I come home not too long ago. But nobody's home to tell me that I did great. I miss Hazel. I miss my mother. I miss JC. I feel horridly empty and sad...
December 20, 2000
I talked to one of my friends from back home. He commented, "You know, you use to be a lot more happier back home... I don't know... People would never have imagined that you were sad or going through some tough times. Either that or you just hid it really well." I don't recall ever feeling empty, sensitive or even vulnerable when I was 'back home.' Hmmm... wonder what happened. It's true what they say: ignorance is a bliss. I met Heesung today and we talked about how as we grow up and as time passes by, our willingness to trust others gradually dissipate into nothing, leaving us clinging and hanging in our own safety bubble. "Trust no one and you won't get hurt." With this mentality, we forget what it is like to depend on another soul wholeheartedly, without having to fear where or when the friendship/relationship is going to come to a complete end. On top of that, there aren't very many selfless people these days. So when adding everything up, we end up with the "I-don't-trust-you-but-I'll-scratch-your-back-if-you-scratch-mine" kind of friendships/relationships. But while we were talking about it, we weren't sad over our inevitable fates or our gradual understanding of this cruel natural order, ... on the contrary, it was as if we've already accepted it... the world is a sick and sad place that will make a lot of people stabb you in the back... that was the given conclusion we silently reached during our coffee-session.
I'm still young and there's still a lot that I haven't done... I have more years to live than the years I've actually lived. And despite the lousy conclusion that has been imbedded in my mind tonight, despite the fact that deep down inside I know I have trust issues (and so does the rest of the world along with me), I don't want to live the next fourty-fifty-sixty-years in complete isolation. It's so difficult to clear your mind when you have two opposing beliefs floating around in your head. So I know I can't trust anyone... but I want to... and the two clash leaving me to wonder which course I'll end up taking...
December 21, 2000
I wanted to get my hair colored today and meet up with friends so we could walk around the streets of Ehdae, except a friend of mine dropped by hoping that she could have a heart-to-heart chat with me. We use to be really close until an action she took made me believe otherwise. But she came to tell me the 'truth,' that she didn't want to lose me as a true friend. I'm glad that we talked but I'm also angry because what she told me, if said earlier, could have changed so many things. I keep on telling myself that it doesn't matter, that it's better late than never, and that all is well and beautiful in the present... but I can't help but wonder how different things would be if she had only been honest before. Would I still be where I am today? Would I still be the same person?
December 22, 2000
Wow... I did a lot today. I got my hair colored, I had apple soju for dinner with Heesung, I'm reunited with Hazel once again, and I keep on trying to call Jammie and the gang but they're not picking up so booh to all of you. But Hazel's here so nothing in the world is going to keep me from smiling.
Hope everybody had a wonderful Christmas. I know I did... my Christmas wishes came true; I had a white Christmas with my family...
December 28, 2000
I'm becoming lazy. Four more days until the new millenium and I've decided to live these next four days in complete freedom, i.e. leave the house only when it's absolutely necessary like when we're short of food and my friends threaten to 'kill.' And today I had to leave the house to meet some old friends so I dragged Hazel out with me and to kill two birds with a stone, I told Angeline to come out too... so we were all together, friends from back home, Hazel, Angie, one big happy family. But that wasn't the point of my journal entry today. It's not about how I'm all lazy, it's not about how I spent time with my friends. It's about how we have less than a week left before we have to start (well, I do, atleast) making new resolutions, setting new goals, re-organizing priorities, etc. The point is... what's the point of dreaming and hoping when it blows up in your face... life sucks.
December 29, 2000
Sex. Have I succeeded in getting anyone's attention? I'm not referring to the technical term for making love. I'm referring to one of my friends, Sex Kim. We meet up occasionally to catch up on each other's lives and also to enjoy each other's company. And today was one of those days. We went to So-chat-sa and shared plum soju (my favourite; Sex wanted apple soju though) and then went to Soul Train to dance except when we got there, the place was relatively empty. It's so wonderful to be able to talk to someone wholeheartedly with absolutely no barriers... Sex, if you're reading this I want you to know that you're a beautiful, independent and intelligent woman who has the potential to live the perfect life. Aras?
On another note, I will be eternally amazed (as I am now) of Stevie Wonder's abilities. I cannot stop listening to one of his songs, Lately. The words to this incredible song are so true, so honest and absolutely heart-wrenching. Lately...
Lately, I have had the strangest feeling
With no vivid reason here to find
Yet the thought of losing you's been hanging
'round my mind...
...
Oh I'm a man of many wishes
I hope my premonition misses
But what I really feel my eyes won't let me hide
'Cause they always start to cry
'Cause this time could mean good-bye
December 31, 2000
We're heading out now to Hongdae where we'll meet up with Angeline, Deanne and a couple of other KU friends to celebrate the ending of the year 2000... this is us before and after the celebration and the fireworks...
Happy Birthday Joanne Unni. Hazel thanks you for being such an important figure in my life.
January 5, 2001
Korea University's Poli-Sci Office Staff's very own Golden Rules (boohoo to you sucky people)
1. When in doubt, the students are always wrong, especially when they're smaller in number
2. Korea Univeristy DOES NOT make mistakes
3. ...Because that's up to the students (when in doubt, of course)
4. Democracy Schmemocracy
