Yayayayayayayaya! Tracey will be visiting Seoul around the twelfth of July. What a breathe of fresh air in this dreaded and tiresome life of mine here in Korea... I cannot wait until she arrives; I'll take her out everywhere and be the energetic Heidi I once use to be. Living here in Seoul has definitely turned me into a zombie, waking up to go to work, school, work, etc., this horrid cycle used to mean so much to me; I used to equate success and happiness with the work I engaged in but I don't feel as motivated as I used to.
I don't know... I have so many genuine friends here, supporting me 110% and this alone used to be my one and only motivation but nowadays, I'm beginning to question my situation here in Seoul; Is this city limiting my capabilities, why does it constantly make me question my self-worth, and why do I always feel like this isn't my home, but a long lay-over? And the funny and ironic thing is I have this constant and lurky feeling that I'll end up staying here forever despite my obvious desire to move and start fresh. Basically, I'm sick of this place, I'm so tired of being tired, exhausted by the way people judge me and take advantage of my easily giving personality; I'm not implying that I'm the most giving or understanding person on the face of this planet because I can, in fact, from time to time, epitomize the adjective, evil. But once I open up and start giving to a person whole-heartedly, then sky's the limit. And there were people here who purposely tested this to see where my limits lay. But... Tracey's visiting and I can't wait... I should use her as an excuse to party 24-7 since the last time I actually went clubbing was a solid two months ago (which sadly doesn't seem like much). Yes, I definitely need some excitement in my life!
June 21, 2001
Exams are over which means the semester is over, it's about time.
Julie joked about how my father looks like Soh Doo-won, this professor who she describes as, "Really nasty and ugly." I didn't think it was funny but she got a kick out of it; interesting and different perspective on humor, I guess. Hahahaha, I feel like I'm ratting her out; how childish of me.
Anyway, I talked to Tracey and she said she'll arrive here in Seoul on the eleventh; nineteen unbearable days until our reunion. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Here's a thought to ponder upon - There is a fine line between honesty and mockery; where does it begin and where does it end?
June, 30, 2001
Love will die if held too tightly;
love will fly if held too lightly;
lightly, tightly, how do I know,
whether I'm holding or letting love go?
Goodbye and take care.
You will always remain inside of me.
July 3, 2001
I've been unbelievably productive for the past few days; something that's inherent to me after an emotional turning point, whether good or bad. But Thoreau said that things do not change, we change... therefore I've changed, thus entering this period of inoculation against anything that could potentially bring me down. But there's a cold/flu/cough/whatever running rampant so a word of caution for those who suffer from weak immune systems.
Thank you for your emails Julie...
July 5, 2001 (unrelented workload)
Greetings to all you computer-illiterate, techologically challenged idiots (despondence is all around us, don't mind the pessimistic tone, I'm a little drugged up from medication at the moment). Be forewarned... I'm sick and not a very pretty site.
On another note, Tracey's decided to stay for a week as opposed to just five days. That means we've got two more days of partying and drinking - what more can a flu-invested girl ask for?
July 6, 2001
It's late and I'm still at work. The shooting/recording doesn't end until eight thirty and the meeting starts in fifteen minutes. Meanwhile, let's talk politics. Why did the Chinese, for the first time, assist the North Korean defectors towards their path to freedom? Put themselves on the limelight here - they 'showed' the world that they're humanitarian rights activists... maybe they'll host the next Olympics. It's all about strategy.
July 8, 2001
I don't really enjoy Aldous Huxley's works but here's a humorous quote -
"Maybe this world is another planet's Hell." And someone once said that a wise man makes proverbs and a fool repeats them... I guess I'm the biggest fool!
July 16, 2001
Crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy weekend. I can't type much right now because I am completely exhausted.
Oh yeah, Tracey is the bomb; we got into this fight last night with this strange man because he forgot to park his car on neutral. He wouldn't listen to anyone, he wouldn't listen to me screaming in his ear but he completely went numb and backed off when Tracey busted out in her English and b*tched him out... That's what you call power.
July 19, 2001
Well, Tracey has left and I am back to this mundane and much dreaded cycle called life. I started getting all teary-eyed on the subway as soon as we said our good-byes but it's all good; I know our friendship will never be dented by any kind of change. My close friend from San Diego, Kelly, will be visiting early August so hopefully, she'll pull me out of my hectic schedule for a couple of days, then it's off to California for me. All's well that ends well~
September 4, 2001
"When you come to the edge of all the light you know and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing one of two things will happen. There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly."
- Unknown
September 14, 2001
My heart goes out to those who have suffered from the tragedy. Here are some words told by people who live in New York and DC; tell your friends and loved ones how are you are doing... A word of appreciation to the ones below who have shared their thoughts regarding this tragic event...
Prayer not judgement : The tragedy is immense and unfathomable. Casting wild judgements and throwing racist remarks won't solve the travesty at hand. Let us all pray for the inncoent victims and their families.
Koreandiva
America Humbled : This is undoubtedly a tragic event but this goes to show there is a cost to making too many enemies.
Haiku-booger
Steadfast as a rock : i'm not going to talk about what happened. you already all know and i'm sure, like me, each would be willing to give out own lives for those who have been lost. as fervent as my demeanor currently is, as outraged, as uncontrollably enraged i am, we can't lose light of the situation and take part in the already growing xenophobic, antil-middle eastern sentiment already on the rise. remember, many here are innocent americans, just like YOU and ME. they too shed the tears for the victims of this horrendous tragedy. they too will help us rebuild this nation's spirits. they are us. take care my brothers and sisters. i pray for all those that may have friends and family that were involved and may God see them through this time of hardship.
Asian Americans
Good Morning : well, i was in my school when i had learned that it occured. my school is located around the dc area, and it was a terrible thing to experience. everybody including me was crying. my friend's parents and relatives live around dc, so they as well were worried. people had gotten out their cell phones to call their loved ones.
Dilagang