| Released August 4th, 2008 Abyss of Oblivion by Missbevcrusher Rated [R] Standard Disclaimer: They don't belong to me. Never have. This is just harmless fanfic. Chapter 9 The captain found himself in hurried steps toward sickbay. Toward Beverly. He couldn�t think about anything as he made the journey, all he could do was feel. Relief, concern, love and fear, those were but a small sample of what was in his heart. When he reached the medical center of the Enterprise, the staff needn�t ask what he was doing there. Without questioning, he was ushered toward the private recovery area reserved for the most senior of officers. As his eyes finally rested on Beverly�s sleeping form, his turmoil subsided and he found he could now breathe a little easier. �She might be out for a while,� said Dr. Tropp. Picard nodded and watched as the doctor left. Now alone with Beverly, he took in the sight of her. She looked very peaceful as she slept. And her beauty� despite having a tissue mending device in place where her ocular implant used to be, it was no less mesmerizing. Slowly, Picard made his way over to her. He could hardly believe it. After everything that had happened, she was there safe and sound, free from the Borg�s invasive grip. Not able to help himself, Jean-Luc caressed the side of his face with the back of his hand and then leaned down to brush his lips on her cheek. Although brief, the contact with her warm skin brought a sudden dose of reality. No, he was not dreaming. �I�m here, Beverly� and I�m not going anywhere,� he whispered as he took a seat by her side. The beautiful doctor did not stir, but he hoped that she�d heard him. As he settled back for his vigil, Picard took her hand in his. The slow rise and fall of her chest as she breathed comforted him more than anything as he waited for her to regain her strength. She was free at long last. She would feel human again. Over the next few hours, a nurse would occasionally come in and check on Beverly�s vitals. Since everything was well, she would never stay very long. And ever so slowly, time ticked by, until finally the lighting dimmed considerably which signaled the beginning of the ship�s night cycle. Jean-Luc fought his own fatigue and sat up straighter in his chair. Time was a blur now and he had no idea how long he�d been sitting there. His eyelids were about to shut heavily for what seemed like the hundredth time when something caught his attention. All traces of sleepiness went away as the captain watched his chief medical officer stir for the first time. With a moan and a small series of incoherent syllables, Beverly�s head moved from side to side. With her eyes still closed, she uttered the first understandable words, ��No� please�� �Beverly?� Picard gently tried to rouse her from her troubled sleep. ��Don�t do this� Don�t do this to him�� �Beverly, I�m here.� �� He won�t be able to take it�� She tossed even more. The captain touched the side of her face and uttered her name once more. This time, it worked, as Beverly stopped stirring and slowly opened her eyes. At first, she was confused as she saw the ceiling. She felt as if she�d just awoken from a very long and deep sleep. What? Then a relentless succession of disturbing memories started to come forth in a bone-rattling stampede. � �Beverly�� Jean-Luc looked at her with heartbreak as he watched helplessly from his restraints. She then felt a sharp pain in her neck and in an instant, her world started to fade away. � On the alien viewscreen, the Enterprise accompanied by an armada of ships plowed down toward the cube. In her mind, she could hear every instruction. She could hear every status report from every corner of the Borg ship as they retaliated in force. � �You will be assimilated� Resistance is futile�� Her own words felt alien to her, but she could not fight them. Beneath her fought the man she loved. His eyes were filled with such sorrow and horror. Her heart screamed desperately as she stood by and watched her own involuntary actions. She was going to take his humanity away once more. At that moment, the woman in her prayed that he would succeed in his task and kill her. � Beverly blinked a few times and turned her face sideways. With emotions as raw as she�d ever seen in him, Jean-Luc leaned forward even more and whispered her name. An immense weight lifted from her as she realized where she was. The distorted and seemingly distant memories of the past nine days spent aboard the Enterprise swarmed back to her softly. With relief in her heart, the doctor�s eyes filled with tears. �Jean-Luc,� The captain clasped her hand tightly in his. �You�re back� you�re really back.� Without wasting a moment, Jean-Luc buried his face in the crook of her neck and took a shaky breath. It was as if nothing existed but the two of them. With her eyes closed over hushed tears, Crusher held on to his shoulders and fought to keep from crying. In the middle of ship�s night, two friends were finally reunited, the nightmarish events of the past two weeks forgotten, if only for a little while. Oblivious to anything else, Jean-Luc and Beverly clung to one another. The captain�s embrace was restrained somewhat for fear of hurting her, but it was no less filled with urgency. Beverly on the other hand, had no such concerns for herself so she held on as fervently as she could. All that mattered was that he was there, his arms wrapped securely around her. Finally, Jean-Luc pulled back and asked in a hushed tone, �How are you feeling?� �I�m okay.� �I was worried about you.� �I know you were.� He was going to say, �For a while I thought I was never going to see your face again.� But he held back, unable to utter the words. Happiness shone through their tear filled eyes as they gazed at one another. Picard said, �It�s so good to see that beautiful smile again.� �It�s really good to see you, too. I�m really glad you�re here.� She touched the side of his face. �You were there the whole time� by my side� Thank you.� Humbled, Jean-Luc didn�t quite know what to say. �You�re so good to me� always have been.� A spell descended over them as they took in all that could have been so easily lost to them both. Warm hazel and cool sapphire were entwined like vines that refused to be parted. A nurse walked in the room and broke the spell. �I see our patient is awake.� As the captain sat straighter in his chair, he couldn�t decide whether he felt regret or relief. Finally, he conceded that both of those emotions now fought to get the upper hand within his wounded soul. As much as he desperately wanted to look at her and convey to her just how profoundly she affected him, just how much of an intricate part of his life she was, the ever-powerful guilt was still there rearing its ugly head. The nurse went over the readouts on the bio-monitor and smiled at her boss. �It�s good to have you back.� �Feels good to be back.� Beverly smiled absently as she felt the chagrin of having been pulled away from her private reunion with her best friend. �I�m sure Dr. Tropp is anxious to see you awake. I�ll go get him.� When they were alone once more, Beverly looked to Jean-Luc, eager to see that look from him again, the one that made her heart race. Secretly, she was pained to see that the spell was truly gone. There was too much sorrow in his eyes now and it was plain to see that this was going to be a long road for him, too. Her heart went out to him, but at the same time, she couldn�t help her own disappointment. After what they�d shared in the corridor that first time he went to beam over to the cube� after he�d read some of the private thoughts she�d written in her journal� a part of her had hoped just a few minutes before that this could be a new step for them. But she�d misplaced that hope� for now at least. Perhaps someday soon. When the doctor arrived, the captain excused himself, saying he would drop by to see her in the morning. Regretfully, she watched him leave. * * * * �The areas where you had the implants should remain sensitive for the next three to four days, as I�m sure you�re well aware.� Dr. Tropp helped Crusher sit up after having finished his preliminary examination. �I don�t have to remind you that you�re going to have to take it easy for a while.� Beverly half-listened to what her physician told her, her thoughts nothing but a mish-mash of difficult emotions. �If it hadn�t been for your research on Borg assimilation, we would certainly have had a much harder time in restoring your DNA. I would be lying if I said that I wasn�t totally impressed by your work.� Crusher smiled wanly but said nothing. �Now try to get some rest. I�ll check in on you in a little while.� �Okay.� Dr. Tropp had expected as much and as he contemplated his boss�s demeanor. She would surely carry a fair share of emotional scars after all of this. When he left the recovery room, he made a mental note to call Counselor Troi at the beginning of Alpha shift. Dr. Crusher would surely need her. * * * * �Hello, Beverly.� Deanna peered through the doorway and smiled as she saw her friend for the first time since her transformation. �Deanna, come on in.� Beverly tried to match the counselor�s expression but didn�t quite succeed in her attempt. She had to admit however, that any outer concealment of emotions was useless when faced with the Betazoid empath. �It�s good to see you.� Troi sat beside her. �How are you feeling?� �I�ll be alright. I just have a lot of things to sort through.� �You do� and it�s going to take a lot of time and help for you to be able to do that.� �I remember each and every second that I spent as Carus.� Crusher paused and searched for what to say next. �The hive mind was such a strong force that I found myself powerless against it.� Deanna remained silent as she listened. �When Jean-Luc went through the same thing, I often reminded him of the fact that no one could have resisted the Borg�s power. That it was humanly impossible to do so. But now that I�ve lived through it firsthand, I�m starting to understand how he felt� how he still feels.� She slowly exhaled. �This experience makes one feel so small, so insignificant�� Troi was glad to see her open up so soon. Beverly had always been a somewhat reserved person when it came to her own vulnerabilities. At least, Beverly�s openness was going to make the process of recovery go that much quicker and smoother. �We�ll take things one step at a time, and with my help, you�ll soon have more tools to manage what you�re feeling.� �Thanks.� �Once you�re released from sickbay, I would like to schedule daily sessions for at least three to four weeks. From there, we�ll see how things are progressing and we�ll be able to adjust accordingly.� �We�ll do that.� Deanna smiled. �I�m so happy you�re here with us. And I�m not the only one either. Everyone was so determined to try and get you back. Especially the captain, he fought really hard to save you.� Crusher�s gaze was lost as she remained silent. What Troi felt from her friend at that moment was profound. At the mere mention of the captain, Beverly�s emotions soared and sank at the same time. There was a lot of love there, but a lot of uncertainty as well. Suddenly, Beverly looked over the counselor�s shoulder at the doorway. Before she turned, Troi knew instinctively who was there. �Oh, I see this is a bad time. I�m sorry, I�ll come back later,� said Picard. As she sensed how much Beverly wanted to see him, Deanna waved him in. �Not at all, come on in. This was just a friendly visit.� It was not only obvious outwardly that the captain was somewhat hesitant when he came closer to the biobed, but the empath could sense his unease and a myriad of conflicting emotions swarming beneath. Those two were headed for uncertain times. That was the only certainty. * * * * Are you sure you don�t want me to go in with you?� Deanna asked as she and Beverly approached the doctor�s quarters. �I�ll be fine. Don�t worry about me.� �Alright, but you know how to reach me if you need anything.� �I do. Thanks.� Beverly then walked into the quarters she hadn�t used since before her assimilation. Of course, the last time she�d been there it had been for a very brief time and she had still been a Borg then. The memory of it seemed so distant that she found it difficult to believe that it had been less than ten days prior. As she looked around, she remembered how differently she had perceived everything with her mind. Things were all very �as a matter of fact�. But amidst the analysis, two things had managed to reach her hidden heart. The photo of Wesley� As well as the man who had brought her here. Jean-Luc had seemed so openly willing to help her, to guide her to make her see who she used to be. When she crossed the threshold to her bedroom, the solitude she found seemed to engulf every fiber in her body. Her eyes settled on her journal and the sorrow inside her soul increased tenfold. She recalled with amazing accuracy the exchange they had in this very room. He�d admitted to having sought out her memory by coming here when she was still on the cube. Jean-Luc had pushed aside his all-too reserved manner and had entered her private sanctuary where he had ultimately read some parts of her journal. She was not upset by that knowledge, far from it. He�d been so desperate to cling on to her that he had been willing to cross the threshold of his own comfort zone. He�d read the words she had secretly longed to tell him for the longest time. How could he distance himself from her like he had? Despite his attempts at being there for her, something prevented him from letting his guard down when he was with her. With a sigh, Beverly walked toward the long mirror that stood in slight inclination in the corner of her room. When Crusher saw herself, she looked beyond the reflection of her healing physical scars. Behind her empty stare, she felt the horror of her time as a Borg all over again. In vivid terrifying detail, the sound of the overwhelming chorus of the hive surfaced in her memory. She could see the Enterprise as it fought with all its might against the cube. She could see Jean-Luc�s eyes as he fought with her in the Queen�s chamber. During the few times she had thought back to that moment, if she�d succeeded� if she�d assimilated him� No, stop that. If she were going to envision an alternate scenario to what had happened, she�d rather have it so that he�d killed her instead. It would have been the only other acceptable outcome. And then, despite being somewhat upset with him, Beverly felt another emotion. Gratitude� * * * * The hours had been a blur of painful memories and fleeting moments of thankful forgetfulness for the doctor. She sat on one end of her sofa and looked out the viewport. This was turning out to be even more difficult than she�d imagined. When am I going to feel whole again? Gradually, the pain broke through her controlled exterior and tears started to fall to her cheeks. Unable to look at the stars any longer, Beverly closed her eyes and attempted to hold back from crying. Suddenly, her chime sounded and she tried to blink back her tears. Too late, she thought. There was no way she would be able to erase the sorrow that showed on her features in such a short amount of time. So before she granted entry to whoever stood outside, she did the only thing she could to make it seem as though she had control over her emotions. She got up, wiped her face with the sleeve of her sweater and pretended she was busy rearranging her bookcase, her back to the door. �Come.� The doors parted and all Beverly could do was cast a quick glance over her shoulder. �Oh, hello, Jean-Luc.� She took some books from the shelf and pretended she was looking at the titles before setting them down again. Picard contemplated her quietly for a moment. It was obvious that she was trying to look occupied. He knew just how much she would fight to conceal what she was going through. Beverly had always strived to be a strong woman� overly so sometimes. But a person could only be so strong when faced with the Borg. His heart went out to her. �Beverly.� The way he�d said her name conveyed just how much he understood. I�m not fooling him for a second, am I? Jean-Luc watched as she dropped the pretense. Her head lowered and her shoulders started to rise and fall rapidly as she cried quietly. Seeing her like this was difficult. He couldn�t just leave her there, standing alone in the corner of her living area. Slowly, he made his way over to her and cradled her in his arms as her emotions crumbled even more. From behind her, the captain spoke softly in her ear. �I know� I know.� Beverly grabbed hold of the strong arms that now encircled her. �I wasn�t strong enough, Jean-Luc�� Her body shook beneath his hold. With his face nuzzled in her hair, Picard closed his eyes and fought to keep from losing it as well. �Shhhhh� you were as strong as anyone could have been. They�re gone, now. They won�t ever hurt you again.� They stayed that way the next several minutes, during which the doctor�s cries eased gradually. Jean-Luc held her the whole time as he suffered through the burden of responsibility for his best friend�s pain. When she stopped shaking and seemed to settle back against him, the captain took a slow breath. �I�m so sorry�� Crusher turned to face him but stayed close. �Jean-Luc, don�t�� He was unable to return her gaze so he looked down. Beverly continued, �This wasn�t your fault.� �Bridge to Captain Picard.� Dammit! At that moment, the doctor would have wanted nothing more than to strangle whoever had barged in on their private and painful conversation. �Picard here.� �Sir, you have a priority one message from Starfleet Command.� �I�m on my way. Picard out.� He put his hands on her shoulders. �I hate to leave you like this.� �I understand.� �Are you going to be alright? I can call Deanna if you like.� �No, that�s okay.� �You�re sure?� �Yes, I�ll be fine. I promise.� Beverly put up a brave front and smiled as best she could. He put his hand on the side of her face, which she promptly covered with hers. �I�ll look in on you a little later.� Beverly nodded and watched as he left. What�s going to happen to us? continue to chapter 10 library |