�This is my house and I HAVE to defend it!�.

But take that and replace it with body. This is MY body, and I have to defend it. This is my LIFE and I have to defend it. I believe that�s very worth thinking about.

I had a friend in elementary school who�s older sister was caught having sex with her boyfriend. Well, she was in like the 8th grade or something but if you ask me about my opinion on any of that, it�s another entry unto itself. ANYWAY � she was caught and I just remember hearing her mom lecture here pleadingly in front seat of their van. �Your body is the ONLY thing that is truly yours. It�s the only thing you have, it�s your temple!� For years I thought about that over and over... a moms advice comes in handy once again when a young girl starts thinking about sex, revealing clothes, sharing themselves with someone else. I kept those words close to me and everytime an opportunity arrived that was a little too invading on this temple, I�d roll shut the big stone door. But respecting your body isn�t just about sex. It�s watching what you put into it � through your mouth, and about what you DO with it � or, haha, what you DON�T. I suppose I have a bit of a head start on most west coasters (the east coasters and bible belt people don�t have as much smog... ok, and to be fair people in say, Greenland, don�t either). I don�t smoke, I don�t drink alcohol and I don�t do any kind of drugs � I never have. Partly because that type of abuse has a history in my family, partly because my very hip dad was a drug & alcohol counselor. He worked w/children of parents addicted to drugs & alcohol (his dad was an achololic) and sometimes worked with children born from addicted mothers. I�m this way partly because I want to take care of my �temple� in one of the ways I know I CAN � that�s easy. Partly because I just don�t LIKE to drink alcohol (it burns and I hate it) smoke or get high off of anything � and, partly, because of what my friends mom told her daughter about 8 years ago in the front seat of her van when I was in the back getting a ride home.

You�ve seen it on Oprah. You�ve felt it shoved down your throat in all of the little therapy shops that opened their doors in the early 90�s when we had that whole hippie resurgence. Aromatherapy, feng shui, kama sutra, Vegans...

Body + Spirit + Mind.

Now, I�m not a vegetarian, though I think my ex sister in law said it best when she declared she was one in her heart (which I�ve adopted myself), and to tell you the truth I�m a pretty meat-and-potatoes kinda girl. I�ve JUST learned that a salad can indeed be a dinner (and under my personal laws it can only be if it has a nice abundance of animal flesh within it) and found this delightful love of salad dressings in my discovery. Instead of french fries I�ll usually opt for the delicious side salad � greens only - w/some yummy dressing (I have yet to find out which ones are bad for me! Ignorance is bliss... for now!). I bring all of this up because I am realizing, at either too late of a time or at a good time, how to take care of myself through eating. Granted, I am just dipping my little toe into the abyss of being good to my �temple� and have really started nowhere � I haven�t even passed �GO�. But I�m preparing. I stopped drinking milk because I�ve decided to finally face the fact � after realizing in January � that I�m lactose intolerant. I even have to stop having cheese, oh cheese, I�ll miss you like my own child. Soy milk is pretty good though and soon I�ll be heading to Trader Joe�s (a new favorite hot spot of Small Town Ginger) to research my opinion on soy cheese. Stay tuned for that. I�ve also adopted the idea of water. I NEVER drink water, unless you consider the way I drink soda like it�s water. But it isn�t water and I realize now that I�m poisoning my insides with it. I�m a total caffeine addict and honestly I don�t ever want to quit drinking soda. It�s so fabulous. Especially Vanilla Coke. Oh, Vanilla Coke... We have bottled water in the household always, so I�m starting to take advantage of it. 1 bottle/day to begin. An embarssing thing to admit comes up here. I am public bathroom phobic. Perhaps not in an OCD way because I WILL use one of I absolutely must, so drinking a lot of water results in frequent use of the horrible public toilet. This is a battle, and I�m headed for combat. As you can probably tell, I�m turning 90�s. I am joining a gym, I just bought a palm pilot to ornanize my life and I�m going to start taking care of this little body. It�s all I�ve got, you know.

Body.

My body is one thing... my life is another. An entire other. All this time I�ve spent huffing and puffing, pinching and tucking, cutting and sewing someone elses life. Many other elses life. I am the type of human who really doesn�t mind worker bee work � but I�d MUCH prefer the life of a queen bee. I know for sure at some point that I have to develop a type of empire for myself, I want to be in charge of my life. I need to worry about Ginger. Where is my life going right now? Ok, I make good money at the cafe and great lattes. My other job allows me a way to surge all of my creative energy and a comfortable place to be happy in. I have 2 jobs when some people can�t even find one. That�s a 1 up so far. I dropped out of high school in the 12th grade. Well, when I SHOULD have been in the 12th grade, anyway. Life distracted me, I fell in love, attempted to get my GED because that�s what I thought I was supposed to be doing... and didn�t. I still do NOT drive. What a loser. I have to get control of all of this if I want to establish this aforementioned empire. How is a powerful Madonna-like woman going to get from point A to point B if she does not drive? Probably a better question to ask is how is a powerful Madonna-like woman is going to pull her life together? That�s what I�m figuring out. My social life is about a 3 out of 10. I can�t keep many friendships because they are too demanding on me. I�m an intimate group type of person and I�m a bit shy, what can I say. It works out because most people close the door on me, anyway. Which is ok � I don�t want people in my life that are like that. I just feel like I really have to give myself a spoonful of empowerment. Man, a GIANT big dipper full, actually. Why on God�s great earth am I running around letting him get me down? I�m letting HIM win. Some GUY. Ladies, how terrible is that? There is no way in hell I am going to let some person who broke my heart slip me into a depression. Especially when they have no idea!! I�m totally embarrassed. I still have my angry fistly grr problems with him but that should not and will not get in the way of where this temple and this empire are going anymore. It stops right here at this period. To begin, I must get this license. I�ve conquered the mountain of getting my permit and MAN can I tell you how wonderful I felt about myself?! I haven�t felt that good about myself in years and years. I was afraid but I faced it. That is the root of all of my problems. My �x� on the chalkboard line would very easily be placed next to �Fear�. Perhaps the lunatic in Donnie Darko wasn�t so much of a lunatic at all. Well ok, she was, but her point isn�t. I can�t seem to get over the fact that this is MY life. It�s so strange... for so long I�ve decorated my room the same because to me that�s just the way it is. But no, I can MOVE my bed. I can take down whatever posters I want. I can throw away whatever it is that I please. The damn broken telvision doesn�t have to stay in here for goodness sake! What have I been thinking? Where have I been? Geez, is new Ginger gonna be madddd attt meeee.

Mind.

In the end (beginning?) I am realizing that I�ve let a lot hold me back. I have not a single idea why. Life is BEAUTIFUL. I�ve always known that � but what I�ve never put together is the fact that not only is my body my temple, but my life is, too. There is a long road ahead of me but if anyone can accomplish these things I can. I�m gonna do it alone or with people that wanna help me along. I�m 21 and I should be living like it. I�m gonna be the hottest sexiest girl on the block with no attitude to match. I�m gonna be the successful person I know I can be. I�m going to have a nice car, a nice house, amazing friends, I�m gonna go out dancing, I�m gonna make stupid voices... I�m gonna say how I feel & be tactful about it. Here, I promise all of this to myself. I am scared as hell but that�s the fire behind it... I�m using the fear to fuel me from now on because, damnit, no one is ever going to get me down again.

Spirit.