Okay, we shall see if i have figured out how to work this darn diary thing. I have alot more entries but since i seem to have a little trouble figuring out how to get it all to work , so far there is a big gap in the diary.
It is now september and my life is still a big mess. I think i am doing allright and then i realize i am only avoiding any coping with the whole thing.
I would guess it is just plain time that gets you over all the pain of a lost love. And a lost life. It still amazes me that the man i knew and loved for 8 years was really a whole different person than who i thought he was. Amazing what love does to you. I guess the thing that amazes me is that i would have died for this man. I would have given my soul for him. Which i suppose is not very healthy at all, when it comes down to it.
I keep telling myself i am ever so much better off without all the lies and deceit that was becoming daily fare, and i know i am, and that i need to quit beating myself up over having been such an idiot to believe in such a thing as soul mates or lets see what was the other best line i have ever heard and fell for. Oh that god himself must have sent me to this man as he had never met or known anyone like me and so was a match made in heaven. And then recently, he was just too content and happy with me and so was having trouble being motivated enough to(fill in the blank here).-apparently he needed new blood for motivation i now know and there was nothing i could have done about it.
Seems i write in the diary late at night when i am in the doldrums the most. I am really lucky as i have a roof over my head and my dog and cat at my side so i am not alone. And i tell myself eveyday how i could be so much worse off-even though i was not going to do that as everytime i say that it does get worse.
Okay so here is the philosphizing for tonite.
You know what is the neatest thing about the world. People are such individuals. Everyone is a little bit different or alot different and that is what makes life so exciting. Well part of what makes life so exciting. But think what a boring place this would be if we were all the same.
If people could learn to celebrate the differences and really , really enjoy learning about all the people they run into daily think how full your life would be.
I try to make sure every day that i thank god for the little things, to make sure i notice all the beauty there is in this world.
Try to remember that every thing that happens in this world has a ripple effect. And altho the daily routime seems to not make much difference in the big scheme of things, you never know what effect your words and actions can have , even if years later on someone's life. Hmm, will have to try to explain that one better when i am more awake.
well diary , enough for tonite, i shall try to get this working before it dissappears into the netherworld like some of my other musings.
