diary

Dear Diary,

Since my life has and is going through a major upheaval i thought
i would start writing some thoughts and other jjunk that rumbles
about in my head. You know how when you have major upheavals
in your life you get quite introspective and very philosphical
after the initial sobbing and hysteria is over lol)

so here goes
some thoughts on love
title is forever
When you love someone and you get to the stage where you tell them
you will love them forever, do not say this lightly or because you are
blinded by passion.
If you love someone forever, you are commiting yourself to
not just "fall" out of love. If you feel things geting strained years
down the road that first forever means that you will fight and do what
ever it takes to keep loving that person and to keep that love alive.
It is not up to one person. Relationships grow and change but if you
comitted to that forever you grow together not apart. Once you voice
that forever, you commit yourself to forever, not just when the sun is
shining as bright as it was when you first met, not till it is no longer
convienent, not if your partner becomes ill or disabled. There is
only forever. Do not use that word forever unless you wil do what
ever it takes to make it true. Not for 5 years, not for ten years but
for the rest of your life .    You can so easily let yourself fall out of
love over time. But that is up to you, not the other person. Love is
in your mind and your heart so you and you alone can keep it alive
and keep it going.    The same goes for the other person but it is you
and you alone who can shut that person out or keep them in your heart.
You can decide well they do this or that or act this way or dress that way
or say this or that but i will not let that kill the love we have. And there is a
good reason you freely gave your commitment in the first place , it was
the heart and soul of that other person..I loved that person, not just their
parts. If you can get your mind to let go of the petty things or even if they
seem important & rember it is the soul of that person that you love not
every action or sentence. If you wish to dwell on whats wrong then
the relationship will spiral downward and it will have been YOUR
decision to do that. Fill your mind with all the good things whenever
you feel yourself slipping into thinking that way. Dont let the negative
build up. Make your mind remember why you love that person's soul
not why they irritate you. Only you can do this and if both of you can
you will indeed love each other forever not till it is no longer easy .
Whatever you do remember that word forever that you were so
willing to use. Either it means no matter what or never use it at all.
Well at least that is the way i thought things worked. God did not
make perfect people, he made us in his image. It is up to us to
work hard to be better people.

well now that all mite sound a little bit off the top and there are things
that cannot be forgiven like physical and mental abuse. But to fall out
of love over not leaving the toilet seat up or all the little things people
let get to them nowadays is never going to be right
If everyone in the world was perfect the world would be a
very boring place.
Well it's late at night and i am getting way too carried
away with all this. See you later diary.

July 6, 2001