(*a few of these I just did for a creative writing class)
Everyone thinks
They know what goes on in the mind
But they don't know, they forget with time
Frivolous, meaningless
Searching for the truth
Holding on
To what? I can't remember
Change, with its shifting face
Grips and twists your world
And tips it towards chaos.
Sunken into the secret
Left feeling weaker than before
Can't find the purpose anymore
Awoken from every side
Sense it in the sunset
That nothing is the same
Aware of a shattering
In a panic, am I still asleep?
Every next thought wont let me decide
Everyone seeks to blame
So many rutted in bending
Of oneself can one still keep?
Diseasing humanity
What from it can we reap
Self-superiority
Hiding from the truth
What are we denied?
Something lost with youth
The ability to abide
What we really are
The shadows are hard to break
Not knowing what as real to take
Everybody around, glance from afar
Until shown it's a mistake
Breaking inside to tell you
In who can we confide?
Not one left with what is true.
Leaving for home
Breakneck towards the window
Lonely little bird
Not quite knowing or understanding
The thought before or next
Pained perspective from a distance
A poetic take on that
Which is nothing
Empty and devoid
Fearing the end
Making leaves look like flowers
In the autumn before the spring
Don't think about the spot
Winking at you from the page
Soulless and immortal
Wait for the next death day
Priceless pointless object
Locking you away
Mind stolen
Crying to the rain.
where does it come from
This emptiness inside
Filled in bittersweet moments
By a tune of the haunted kind
In my aloneness
There is a paradox
Am I one with everything?
Perhaps a Buddhist monk
In this hate I love
Why does this disgust me?
If I am the epitome
How do I feel it too?
I am the cause,
Love too irrational, unnatural,
Cause becomes natural.
Happiness so elusive
Seductive in its memory,
The hope of its glimmer
Dances in your mind,
Drives me.
Striving for what I feel I'm owed
Cheated of my sweet dreams
The sullen shadow grows.
A grip about my heart
Completely set in stone
I try to break its hold,
I must be free
My prison is my own
Imposed.
My own beliefs
My own hopes and dreams,
These I should fear
They hinder me and hold me back
All romantic ideas aside.
The music of a beloved voice
Swells in the bottom of my dark soul
Like a starving stomach, full
With the thought of being full of food.
Alone am I again,
As the sweet pain subsides
This longing steals away my hope,
Everything is, for a time,
Out of my reach.
How could you steal it away
I never asked for what you gave
These questions
Never to be answered as I live
No words can describe
The kaleidoscope of colors inside
Or the shades
That in between them hide
You created this
Aren't you proud?!
Do you not feel so fulfilled?
Destroying your own wonderful creation
Did it threaten to be greater than you
Or do you only feel the emptiness
That you spread around.
All my heroes left to fiction
So much or too little benediction
In stories all is polarized
Something never to be realized
Among real human souls
Real things aren't so simple
Or too simple on whole
The black and white is veiled by infinite
Shades of gray
There is no definite way,
No sure path from which
We can learn from not to stray.
Not gonna
Pretend to be me or something I can't see
Why this feels like I'm running on the ocean floor
Too late I find, I've been so blind
Giving you time to hit the rewind
The peices aren't as pretty
Once the puzzle is put together
How is it not screaming loud
Not obvious in my black cloud
Say I worry way too much
Wouldn't say such
If you felt the ghosts pass
Pelting tomorrow with waste
From a far away place
Acted too rash,
So desperate, sad and lonely
Hope it doesn't doom me
Not gonna pretend anymore
At least not when I'm just
Alone with me
Not gonna, can't not pretend with you.
Love lost isn't so bad
You stop getting tossed around by a fad
You learn that you
Are the only one you need
To yourself to be true
That on you others feed
Makes you look at things
With another point of view
Discovering the insight loneliness brings
Wonder why perception is so askew
Perfecting madness every step of the way
Ask why everyone says it's okay.
Self fulfilled prophecies
Occupy all your dreams
Already knew nothing is free
But costs multiplied by three
Much more to be said
I think we all know
You can try until you're dead
Where does the effort go
Then again
Maybe the right words will descend
And I'll find the angle
To identify with you
Till then all I have to say
Is that this is nothing new.
Waiting for it momentarily
Ignoring all advice
It's already passed by me
Thinking I can see
Just another sacrifice
Waiting for it momentarily
Does the truth really set you free?
It isn't entirely precise
It's already passed by me
Can we really be what we want to be?
Or are we doomed to our every vice
Waiting for it momentarily
Visiting every old memory
Thinking there is not a price
It's already passed by me
Importance hidden in so much debris
Ever there to entice
Waiting for it momentarily
It's already passed by me
Should I hide
I can't decide
Abandon them in the fray?
I cannot say that that's the way
Always kept out of the loop
Is it any surprise I'm such a snoop
Everyone says life isn't fair
So if they get theirs do I care?
Maybe it would do to teach
The would-be suicides who drink bleach
That they are already a leech
And wake them up so they can find
They wouldn't be so bored
If they would just use their mind
Ya know, I wonder if there's a place
Where all our thoughts are stored
Around there I'd never show my face
For forbidden fruit I'll always taste
Always leave everywhere with so much haste
Never any time to stop and breathe
Everything builds up and starts to seethe
I have to wonder what goes on in my brain
Leads me to believe we are all already insane
Doesn't really matter because I'll use
Any thing to excuse
All of my bad judgment.
Something lost is never as grand
As what you find you still hold in your hand
Can't help but reminisce on what it gave
Forget that it'd probably sent you to an early grave
Wonder if some flavor was removed from adventure
Realizing you'll never have that conversation again
Try to not let it get under your skin
But continue to feel like you just ate a brick
Wonder if there's a God, why he'd play such a trick
Remember you dreamt of a debate never to happen
No way to vent or to share the vision
Continue to be lost until you can find
A way to accept it, then you will unwind
And see that life is just a dream
That nothing matters, despite what it may seem.
Dirty jokes and dirty books
dirty people with their dirty looks
Minds rot with their dirty thoughts
dirty hearts hate the pain they create
dirty movies and magazines
dirtied pride hiding the obcene
reveal'd inside behind a dirty mask
dirty lies, you only have to ask.
Take a deep breath
surrounded by twisted mirrors
watching my back
cant see past their faceless lies
cant get away, cut these ties
cant take it back
but to forge ahead
could misstep, might cut binds
I'd leave intact without memory
of why I am here.
To find my way free of these
twisted mirrors, I have to
get away from me and
my bonds
Not that I belong any where,
but is this
what I am meant to be?
Suddenly, nothing is clear.
stabbed, coagulating mass
hating, burnign over hot coals
akward, clinging to the clutter
clumped on the floor in blood rivers
arranged, to fall into that land
Can you hear the music calling
As you look into the moon
The candle is till burning
In your empty room
The music is so soulless
Calling you like fire
Running in the moonlight
The sound becomes dire
the moon is full and there is trouble
The sound is so unkind.
Hope,
spaces filled in
Tears drying, wondering
about tommorrows
existence
Poison Flower Water
wilting
under burnging suns
Peirced
cold sharp hands,
Waiting
Icy blank room
Bad things happening all the time
When they happen to you, you don't cry
Bad things make you forget your problems are mine
Bad things make you ask why?
You go off on your own
And leave me all alone
Wondering when will it end
Bad things rip you apart inside
But I forgive you, for you the rules I'll bend
For the way you treat me I wouldn't abide
If I didn't know about the bad things you hide.
Broken
Hands searching for a pair
dancing minds
tentatively touch something
that cannot be real
a quickening tempo
brings dreams to life
that which should stay imagined
is brought into reality
shattering the ideal
never existed a perfect pair
can the unspoken still be broken
shattered is any hope
of a life not alone
curse the foolish and ideal
distance once closed
becomes infinite
hope and kindness lead
to fear and shattered parts
nothing can destroy a soul
like indifference in one
you know so well.
Peace of Mind
but a broken heart
ideal
separates, keeps apart
differing shadows
unknown and concious
helpless to the hurricane
wild and cautious
dreamless in your death
saved from insanity
by a poisonous mind
a beaten bloody soul
unbroken through time
waking and subconcious
wanderings in the fog
lead to words of rhyme
plead to something pure
to cure your troubled mind
finally find within, the perfect knife
but still can't let it end
all the inner strife.
Can you hear the empty music in the willows weeping?
Can you hear the bloodless tune in her silent screams?
Can you feel the pain from her heart seeping?
Do you see the shoulder on which she won't lean?
Do you feel the days grow longer?
Why won't these shadows recede?
In your weakness, she grows stronger,
Alone in the darkness where she bleeds.
Can you feel the lips that are long disappeared?
Do you taste the tears she will never cry?
Look in her eyes and gone is your fear.
Can you not see she doesn't say goodbye?
This poem may sound different than my others, I wrote it probably 3 or so years ago. My style is constantly changing.
Over there sits a pretty little package, with a pretty little bow.
And look, right above it, hangs a piece of mistletoe.
Bright sparkling lights, shimmer all around.
Tarnished silver bells close by, but can no longer make a sound.
Silver tears are streaming so, knowing that the box, will stay closed.
That is, until time, as usual, takes its toll,
On the pretty little package, with the pretty little bow,
And someone looks inside, to see what it beholds.
Inside...sits a lonely little heart of tarnished gold,
Waiting, looking, for another with a loving soul.
Happiness just might be close enough for you to have and to hold
If ever you do, look beyond and inside, the pretty little package...the one with a pretty little bow.
Her confused tears can't fall
from eyes that can't see inside
for being lost in the tide
it washes away all thats true
a life that was hers to take
She threw it away
It was her biggest mistake
The best thing she ever did
never let her live her life again
How can she say goodbye to salvation
How can she know who the teal savior is
Angels and devils never made sense
Everyone speaks in another tongue
Are these kind of mistakes
just part of being young?
Was love ever this hard before
Will the water ever clear
When does the path straighten out
The future seemed so near
But she tried to compromise
She found in the truth something to fear
Evil sleeps in her lies
She's so close to being left alone
Everyone cries for a peice of her
As she lies down, she turns off her phone
And is left alone
Her peace in peices.
5/11/05
*wrote before I decided to break up with Tyler, and build my independence.
