| Thoughts Of The Fallen |
| Wednesday, August 11, 2004 So many days are mere repetitive motions of a so called life. We eat, we breathe, we do what we do on a daily basis. So I challenge you all to something out of the ordinary. Something you would not normally do under just about any circumstances. I'll go into a darker thought process later. I am out of time. Thursday, August 12, 2004 The skylight shines above me. So sick of life, i take it away. Not really though. I am trailing off in thought. So, what is the point of this existence? So feed off of other life forms? Survive in a sick, and twisted society of piranhas in human skin? As blistering days turn into restless nights, I wonder what is the point of it all. There is no one really there for me. No one to hold my hand, wipe away my jaded tears, or anything. I have fallen not only in mind, but seemlingly off of the planet. Friends I seem to lose contact with. Family has turned its back, or shown with vivid colors its disapproval of me. That, or they are in waiting, watching me for another fall to say the words, "I told you so." Even non family members relish that bitter line. I have become a vessel of hate, and disease. Few purities, and niavety grace me. I am corruption, and yet hold a strong sense of valor. What have I become? Pure evil incarnate? But why then do I hold within me some purity, and light? I have come to realize I am a delicate balance of light, and dark. Good, and evil. Despair, and hope. Extremes. I must go again. Adieu. Friday, August 13, 2004 Dark clouds overhead. Darkness pouring in. Sight in night stirred by unfamiliar shadows. So I breathe a breath of life, and death into the light that binds me. So unhallow here, all alone, without a grain of hope, I yet find peace. Peace in the shadows sewn that entrap me, and make me sin again. What pulls me under, drowning me, and yet giving me breath to speak the blasphemes on my bloody lips. Tonight a night unholy, I raise my will again. Tonight so full of shadows I recommence the era that hates me so that I may fall again underneath its pressure so impure. Oh, unholy night, I rise to speak your name. Shadows fall, and I pull them up with sickening reverence, and grace. So that I may live to die, and die to live. That I hate, and yet have the control, and strength to forgive. That I may become ageless in a world dark, and dim. That I may begin again. Let my darkness pierce the light. Let it fall, and bring eternal night. Let them call out in pain from the sable air that binds. Let me rise, and find strength in shadows that numb me. Tonight the clock ticks in my favor. Tonight I will get my vengeance- your reward. it all begins, my foe once friend. Tonight you will find pain by my intangible hands that are not of flesh, nor bone. Tonight I send a calling to the other shadows, and together we feed off of your pain. Though no crimes performed, I summon a forgotten name. Tonight, I will remove from me my shame. Adieu. Sunday, August 15 ,2004 Have you ever wondered what was the point of caring about anything? I mean, one day you are going to die (face it) so why care about yourself. Everyone else is going to die, hurt you, et cetera, so why give a damn about them? Everything seems pointless, futile, without reason. Caring seems to be simply illogical. I am so tired. Physically, mentally, and other such nonsense. |
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