Dear Mocha:
Mocha answers (more) letters that you, THE FANS, have sent in. It's sweet as hell.
~♥~ Aloha, Mocha sweetie! I'm positive you're looking completely ADORABLE today! Totally loving you babe! But actually, this email is a little something for your, excuse moi, unfabulous man friend Trent. I'm sorry to say but he is like so desperately in need of a little boy time alone with the Fab Five. Honey don't you fret, we are SO gonna transform messy moody Italian Stallion over here to mind-blowin, look out here I come Italian STYLIN'! ~♥~
Hello not-so-gorgeous! Trent, Carson here, mind if I call you T-bone? Too bad, I am SO doing it anyway! T-bone, I have my queer eye on you this time so just RELAX, we will take CARE of you! By the way the boys and I have been observing your numerous fashion catastrophes for a little while and... our little nickname for you is Giggles, since you always remind us of Shaggy from Scooby Doo, but only like, his evil twin brother or something! Yoohoo, Prince of Darkness! Ever heard of a little thing called SUNSHINE? Open up and let it alllll in!! You could benefit from a little more rainbowness in your world too Mr. Grinch. Ugggh! That perpetual sad face you have makes me think of puppies drowning or plaids matched with stripes! Aren't you ticklish, Giggles? Thom wants to find out (me too)! And that pale complexion is so not working for you EITHER. Here comes the fashion train, first stop TANNING SALON! Ohhh, you'll just look STUNNING with a bronze chest. Maybe we can wax it? Hmmm. Now, on to your droopy, emo-ish mop head disaster. Honey, what's the matter with you? You got this Joel Madden slash mad science-y rat's nest thing going on and you paired it with an untidy little goatee! Listen T-bone, we were thinking of trimming your bangs up and complementing it with a cute little stripe of bleach blonde along the middle? Sounds fabulous, non? We'll fix your little chin growth to be nice and pretty too, oh you will simply be WORSHIPPED! Tres SEXY! Calling planet "I look like I dress myself in the dark each day"! Earth needs you! T-bone you are the epitome of sloth. A cruddy old t shirt and jeans? Sandals (thank God no socks!)??! We're shipping you out to the very nearest Ralph Lauren's and hooking you up with some sleek figure fitting designer shirts and a hot little button down corduroy jacket or something. I'm picturing you with some sunset orange visor sunglasses and I am LOVING what I'm seeing! What we have in store for you T-bone, will just be phenomenal to say the least. Heavens to Betsy, did I almost forget!? Carson, helloooooo!
I HAVE A PREZZY FOR YOU! Say hello to my little friend! (Hee hee, I couldn't resist a little Mafia throwback there, sorry ;�) That's right, it's cologne, genius! Throw some on! It's none of that AXE stink or anything, no this smell is from my newest line and it's TO DIE FOR. Why, with this on, you so would be the cool cat's pajamas, daddio! Jump on a bike and go look for some cute boys! Are you ready for big changes, Giggles? They're a-comin! Oh and one other thing I wanted to go right along and tell you, T-bone. Hugs not drugs, honey, hugs not drugs!
Smooches (and a teeny lil pinch on your cute lil
bee-hind)!!
♥*��)
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(�.�� (�.�� Carson Kressley ~♥~
-�Fashion Savant�-
Hiya Carson,
I think you are sooo cool, hehehe!!!! I try to catch you and the boys on Bravo whenever I can, you know. You guys are so funny forever!! And I am very flattered, and honored, to have a fashion guru such as yourself compliment me like that! I really am. Thank you, thank you, thank you!! You've made me really happy because I've been trying to find new ways to make myself look even more stunning. Do you have any ideas? I didn't think so. Just kidding. Tee hee, I'm sure you have some ideas, I mean, you're frickin Carson Kressley for chrissakes. To answer your question, of course Giggles is ticklish!! It is very cute because sometimes I get him right in the tummy when he least expects it and he says, "Stoppit!!!" Don't you think he is so silly? Well, I do. I will try to convince him to go with you guys, since you obviously know what you're talking about. You can try all those things on Trent if you want, but I'm pretty sure he won't even let you touch him. He doesn't let anyone touch him, not even me. Well, I take that back... Hehehe. Maybe I will get him one day when he is toking it up big time. That way, there is more of a chance he will agree to it. HEHEHE. I know, I am a bad, bad girl. But it's for the better, right? I just want to be able to recognize him though, okay? Tee hee~ PS: Do you think I have ugly boobs? Uh, maybe you aren't the right person to ask...
Love ya darling,
Dear Mocha,
My best friend told me her sister told her that her
boyfriend told her that his buddy said you were a
"ninja princess babe." Is this true? Are you going to
try to kill us JUST for asking? And, if you saw
Captain Jack Sparrow drinking rum in your backyard,
you wouldn't cut off his head, would you? >_< I love
Johnny Depp and I love pirates! I hope you wouldn't!
Hugs and Smooches (I'm bi, call me),
Angelina Jolie <3
Yo,
Yes, it is true, I am a Ninja Princess Babe. In fact, once you're done reading this letter, you, your best friend, your best friends sister, her boyfriend, and his buddy are all going to catch on fire and then explode. But to answer your question, Captain Jack Sparrow is tight. In fact, I loooooove Johnny Depp. HEHEHE!!! He's so cute and been in like 38473289 more critically acclaimed movies than you. No offense or anything, but remember Taking Lives? Oh man. Anyway, about Jack Sparrow. If he was drinking rum in my backyard, I would ask if I could join him. I think that would be so much fun!! We would just sit there and drink rum all day and not even give a crap. And if some closed minded ninjas or pirates came along, and they were like "Dude, that's not cool," we would just head butt them in the face. And even if Jack did start being a retard I could always just make out with him, and then either punch his face in or cut off his head. (I'm a Ninja Princess Babe so I'm allowed to do whatever I want to Johnny Depp. Got that, bitch?) I think it is sad that a lot of ninjas and pirates don't get along, don't you??
Good Luck,
Dear Mocha,
How are you? I work at a flowers shop with my father.
I adore horticulture and am studying to do well in the
industry. I was curious, what are the favorite flowers
of everyone you know? I love many kinds. I'll send you
a big, gorgeous bouquet as a special gift!
PS: I love your buns! They're really cute! ^__^
Love always,
~Miharu Junsui~
Miharu,
Hello! I can tell you right now my favorite flowers ever are probably Gardenias and Sweet Peas. Sweet Peas are so delicate and cute and pink, and Gardenias are very elegant and pretty. (Remind you of anyone...? Me???!! HEHEHE! I'M SO FLATTERED! Kidding.) I like seeing them both mixed together in large, expensive bouquets probably wrapped in numerous designer ribbons. Anyway, I think Latt�'s favorite flowers are Daisies. Which is idiotic if you think about it because you can pretty much find them anywhere!!! That is so cheap and not romantic, and stupid. Also, if wheat was a flower I bet it would be Trento's faaaaavorite. Tee hee~~
Also, thank you sooo much!! I am glad to hear you like my buns. They are very cute, everyone I know thinks so. Yours are pretty cute too, but they can't possibly take longer to do than mine, can they? Did you even read all that stuff I have to do to get mine so perfect all the time!?? Hehehe... Anyway, thanks again!! I am so excited, I can't wait for my bouquet to come! Oh, and as an extra little somethin', could you write "♥ For the lovely Mitsuki --Your Secret Admirer--" on a tiny card shaped like a heart? That would be sweet as hell.
Bye Bye,
Dear Mocha,
WHO WANTS SANDWICHES?!?!?
Yours truly,
R. J.
R.J,
Is this some kind of a joke!? Are you making fun of me because you're jealous? It's not very funny!!
Sob,