S5

    One fine evening our pointless protgonists were gathered around a 5" black 'n' white television set in the Burger Monarch frier room in Crackton, New Jersey. All of them as except for Club Bearer, who was in his cage as usual, this time accompanied by a monkey with a cattle prod whom was trained to shock him whenever he spoke. Club Bearer remained shivering at the bottom of his cage when a loud knock arupted the viewings of the group.
     "Someone should get that," Foom Man said. Homeless Man then kicked the milk crate out from under him which ploped him ass on the floor. He then stumbled up and answered the door. He opened the door and gazed in amazement at what lay behind it.
     "What is it asswipe?" Fast Guy asked as he ate irregular Oreos.
     "Its a mob of deformed midget hobos," Foom Man replied.
     "We prefer to be called 'The Mole People'," one of the wee ones responded in a high, weird voice. By now the entire UA clan was at the door, staring down at the 'Mole People'.
     "And uh, what exactly do you want?" Space Toaster replied.
     "We need you to go get ouor lair back, some scientist took it away from us," another wee guy said.
     "And what if we don't?" Mono replied condiscendingly.



    Our group is now seen in the alley of the Burger Monarch, as the door shut to the frier room.
    "Well, they overpowered us pretty quick," Nomadic Pyro said as the group exchanged looks of confusion.
    "Lets just go find this scientist guy and get their fortress back, I doubt they'll let us back in," Fast Guy replied as he began to walk. As our heroes neared the subway, the realization of the current scenario began to dawn on our unwitty underdogs.
     "Every hero ever concieved has fought the Mole people..." Space Toaster began, "and we lose by hand to hand combat? That never happened! Its always a robot or some diabolical plan involving super weaknesses! The Fantastic Four, Spiderman, The Hulk, X-men, they never lost in hand combat!"
     "Why the hell didn't you blow them up?" Mono asked Foom Man angrily.
     "There was a building of innocents behind them," Foom Man replied with his super-heroic voice. "If I F-worded them i would of blown up the building and its inhabitants too."
     "That building was a prison asswipe," Fast Guy commented. "A state prison I might add." The group then stopped in their tracks and looked at Foom Man.
     "Well I'm still better than Club Bearer," Foom Man said pathetically. The group then muttered and tredded down to the subway. Once they got to the bottom of the steps, they looked about for a random cave opening.
     "Where's Club Bearer?" Homeless Man said. The group took note of this, but frankly didn't care and moved on. Mono held his hand back to press against Nomadic Pyro. The group stopped and looked up as Mono was. It was... the subway's schedule. It read as follows:

     "Super-Happy Fun Land!" Foom Man and Space Toaster yeld in unison with enthusiasm. They both went with joyous smiles and jumped the turn style, only to stop in midair, and to slam into a steel pole nearby head first.
     "Nice job Mono," Fast Guy said. Mono nodded.
     "Alright, lets board this train," Nomadic Pyro said. He then ran back up the subway stairs, whistled for a taxi, got in it, and speed off. The rest of the group walked over to the nearest train, only to be stopped by a security guard.
     "May I see some tokens?" he said as he totted a nightstick.
     "Surely you've heard of us," Foom Man said with pride. "We're the Ultra Acquaintnaces, we've saved this fine city named Crackton many times." The security guard gave him a dead stare as he chewed some gum.
     "What have you done lately?" He replied.
     "We defeated an army of mutant freak, six foot tall peeps," Fast Guy said shrugging.
     "We also stopped a cyborg known as the Bill Cosbot, a cyborg incarnation of Bill Cosby," Space Toaster said with his index finger pointing. The guard then looked at them again. The group turned around and slouched as they went to pay for tokens.