The Mother Lode
1. Cram bras, shampoo and other junk you decided you don't want with the gum & candy--while she's watching you.
2. Totally ignore her when she says "Hi."
3. Simply point to your items as if she is too stupid to know they're yours.
4. Push your stuff toward her and rudely say, "Just this," as if she was just going to talk to you--not ring you up.
5. Throw your money to pay... *Crumpled up in balls/ *Wet and smelly from your shoe/ *Rolled up like a joint.
6. Ask her why she doesn't speak Spanish--since she's MEXICAN.
7. Tell her, "YOU charged me wrong" --as if she just MADE UP the price.
8. Don't exert any control over the demons you call "children."
9. Come in drunk and stinky, then breathe on her and act stupidly.
10. Don't realize your baby took a big dump... let your kid pee on the floor.
11. Slowly, hand every item to her one at a time and stare very intently at the prices.
12. Tell your kids that the cashier will discipline them--because you're too wimpy to do it yourself.
13. Play deaf-mute.
14. Tell her all about your 15-year old dangling hemorrhoid.
15. Throw your stuff at her or let your little snot-nosed kids throw their stuff at her.
16. Put your stuff where she can't possibly reach it.
17. Ask her to fill in your check.
18. Ask her to get stuff for you -- instead walking your lazy ass over and getting it yourself.
19. Ask her to break a twenty RIGHT after she closes the register drawer.
20. Ask if she's open when the light's on and she's just standing there.
21. Ask if she's open when the light's off and she seems to be putting all her money into a bag.
22. Whip out your 401 coupons.
23. Count change again after she just counted it back to you.
24. Are you an Ugly Psychopath?? Why don't you hit on her?
25. Ask if she took off your coupons after you just SAW her PUSH some buttons and your total went DOWN.
26. Forget your wallet, and don't tell her until she rang up all your 178 items.
27. Pay for 96 CENTS with a HUNDRED DOLLAR BILL.
28. Do everything r e a l l y s l o w l y . . .
29. Treat her like she's an idiot...when One Half of her brain is smarter than you.
30. Hand her items that have been soaking in your fat, ugly baby's mouth for the past hour.
31. Go in Express Lane with 50 items because you "Didn't see" the BIG, YELLOW "Express Lane" sign.
32. Have her ring up all your $100.00 worth of stuff and suddenly realize you can only buy $5.00 worth. duh...
33. Talk to her really LOUDLY even though she is right in front of you.
34. Steal her pen.
35. Ask her about product information that you EASILY could have READ Yourself On The Package....
36. Be a lazy ass & leave your cart in her lane instead of pushing it out to the front.
37. Inform her of which items are "on special"--like it matters what you say.
38. Let your kid set off the (Loud, Extremely Annoying) Emergency Exit Alarm.
39. Interrupt her when she is talking to someone else -- as if You are Soooo important.
40. Ask her if she charged you for something you have been HOLDING IN YOUR HANDS the entire time.
41. Attempt to get her attention with, "Oiga!!" or tssch tssch noises.
42. Ask if the clothes you are buying are "nice," if they match, or if it is a good gift. My opinion of your purchase is irrelevant!
43. Pay her with a Ziploc bag full of 700 loose pennies.
44. Don't bother to START writing your check until she finishes ringing all your 92 items up--then ask for her pen to do so.
45. Ask her to run your Declined credit card or check through again--as if it will *Magically clear the second time around.
46. Let your kid set off all the stupid noisy toys i.e. freakin' giggle bunny and freakin' bouncing
tigger.
47. Make her scrape your cash and change off the counter because you are to rude to put it in her
frickin' hand.
48. Ask her to Price Check every single item before she charges it.
49. . . . Then swear that she Charged you Twice for the items that were only "Price Checked."
50. Get in line behind everyone else at the First open register even though 7 others are open.(moo mooo moo)
51. Make sure NOTHING you bring has a UPC code. Yes, that little thing actually serves a purpose.
Vanessa V. M. 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005.
The Mother Lode