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Secret Cat Diary

DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from shredding the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant and cough it up on the carpeting.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed (again).

DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good
little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan...

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a
liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth and the tiny bit of flesh under my claws.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I  overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and  speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note : romantic, but not too personal.

Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Nordstorm and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the note :

"I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears short ones that are easier to remove.These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart. I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.

When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night. All my Love"

"PS The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing."

A 90-year-old man is sitting on a park bench, sobbing, when a young man walks by and asks him what's wrong. Through his tears, the old man answers, "I'm in love with a 25-year-old woman."

"What's wrong with that?" asks the young man.

Between his sobs and sniffles, the old man answers: "You don't understand. Every morning before she goes to work, we make love. At lunchtime she comes home and we make love again, and then she makes my favorite meal. In the afternoon when she gets a break, she rushes home and gives me oral sex, the best an old man could want. And then at suppertime, and all night long, we make love..."

He breaks down, no longer able to speak.

The young man puts his arm around the old man. "I don't understand. It sounds like you have the perfect relationship. Why are you crying?"

The senile old man answers, again through his tears, "I forgot where I live."

Two senior couples are walking along, wives in front, husbands at the back. Herb says to Sam, "Gee, we went to a new restaurant last night and had the best meal ever. Good prices too."

Sam says, "Well, we like to eat out too. What was the name of the restaurant?"

Herb says, "You're going to have to help me out here a little. What's the name of that pretty flower, smells sweet, grows on a thorny bush?"

Sam says, "How about a rose?"

"Yes, yes, that's it!" cries Herb, then calls ahead to his wife. "Rose! Hey, Rose! What was the name of the restaurant we ate at last night?"

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?"

"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.

"That's no crime," said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?"

"Before the store opened," answered the prisoner.

A small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand: Mrs. Jones, a prim and proper 85-year-old. "Mrs. Jones," he said, "do you know me?"

"Indeed I do," she responded. "I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when in fact you're drowning in debt. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

"Why yes, I do," she continued. "I used to babysit Mr. Bradley for his parents. He's been a real disappointment, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He's never been able to sustain a relationship successfully and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."

The judge rapped the noisy courtroom to silence and called both counsellors to the bench. He said in a low but menacing tone, "If either of you asks Mrs. Jones if she knows who I am, I swear I'll throw you in jail for contempt of court..."

 

The Real Definition

Absent-Minded Person:
One who stands in front of the mirror for hours trying to remember where he had seen the person before.

Lecture:
An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".

Opportunist:
One who starts having a bath when he/she accindently falls in a river.

Conference:
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise:
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Love affairs:
Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.

Tears:
The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power.

Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before marriage.

Cigarette: A pinch of tobaco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool on the other.

Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Customer: "My computer crashed!"
Tech Support: "It crashed?"
Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game..."
Tech Support: "All right then, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot it."
Customer: "No, it didn't crash! It crashed!"
Tech Support: "Huh?"
Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said before! I crashed the spaceship, and now it doesn't work."
Tech Support: "Click on 'File', then 'New Game'."
Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"

 

Jokes on Tech Support Help Desk  

A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech support man asked her if she was "running it under Windows". The woman then responded: "No, my desk is next to the door. But that's a good point... The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working just fine."

Tech Support: "OK Bob, let's press the Control and Escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."
Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"

Overheard in a computer shop:
Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please."
Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety."
Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?"

I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I was finished with it, because he needed to keep it.

Tech Support: "All right... now double-click on the File Manager icon."
Customer: "That's why I hate this Windows because of the icons I'm a Protestant, and I don't believe in icons."
Tech Support: "Well, that's just an industry term, sir. I don't believe it was meant to..."
Customer: "I don't care about any 'industry terms'. I don't believe in icons."
Tech Support: "Well... why don't you click on the 'little picture' of a file cabinet... Is 'little picture' okay?"
Customer: [click]


I work for a local ISP. Frequently we receive phone calls that go something like this:
Customer: "Hi... Is this the Internet?"

Some people pay for their online services with checks made payable to "The Internet".

 

“Hello.  Tech Support, may I help you ?”

“Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.”

“What sort of trouble ?”

“Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.”

“Went away ?”        “They disappeared.”

“Hmm.  So what does your screen look like now ?”

“Nothing.”               “Nothing ?”

“It’s blank.  It won’t accept anything when I type.”

“Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out ?”        “How do I tell ?”

[Uh-oh.  Well, let’s give it a try anyway.] “Can you see the c:\prompt on the screen ?”

“What’s a sea-prompt ?”

[Uh-huh, thought so.  Let’s try a different tack.]  “Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen ?”

“There isn’t any cursor.  I told you, it won’t accept anything I type.”

[Ah—at least she knows what a cursor is. Sounds like a hardware problem.  I wonder if she’s kicked out her monitor’s power plug.]  “Does your monitor have a power indicator ?”      “What’s a monitor ?”

“it’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.  Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on ?”      “I don’t know”

“Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it.  Can you see that ?”

[sound of rustling and jostling] [muffled]  “Yes, I think so.”

“Great ! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall.”

[pause]  “Yes, it is.”

[Hmm. Well, that’s interesting.  I doubt she would have accidentally turned it off, and I don’t want to send her hunting for the power switch because I don’t know what kind of monitor she has and it’s bound to have more than one switch on it.  Maybe the video cable is loose or something]  “When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one ?”    “No.”

“Well, there are.  I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.”

[muffled]  “Okay.  Here it is.”

“Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your computer.”

[still muffled]  “I can’t reach.”

“Uh huh.  Well, can you see if it is ?”      [clear again]  “No.”

“Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over ?”

“Oh, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle – it’s because it’s dark.”    “Dark ?”

“Yes – the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming from window.”

“Well, turn on the office light then.”

“I can’t.”    “No ? Why not ?”

“Because there’s a power outage.”

“A power --!?!”  …. [AAAAAAARGH !!]  “A power outage ? Aha !  Okay, we’ve got it licked now.  Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in with ?”

“Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.”

“Good !  Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it.  Then take  it back to the store you bought it from.”

“Really ?  Is it that bad ?”

“Yes, I’m afraid it is.”

“Well, all right then, I suppose.  What do I tell them ?”

“Tell them you’re TOO STUPID TO OWN A COMPUTER !”  [Slam!]

 

Techronia Technical Support Services

- "The world of technology can be difficult for some." - Press Release

We offer a range of quality services to satisfy any possible technical support requirement. Time and time again, companies rely on our services to fish their workers out of daily situations and problems. Most companies only give you the "royal shaft" treatment, Techronia gives you the answers. We probe deep into the partially working minds of our clients and delve into their shallow waters to discover what they want from us. Whether it's the fact that they are incapable of figuring out a device like the "mouse" that 6.7 million other people know how to use, or finding that ever elusive power switch for the monitor, we are here to help.

Lets look at just some of the service offerings available from Techronia at competitive industry rates...

Techronia Phone Support

Techronia Priority Out Of Hours Wanker Service

Techronia Group Therapy

Techronia Out of Hours On-Site

For further information on these and many other services, contact 1-800-DUM-USER

 

This guy calls in to complain that he gets an "Access Denied" message every time he logs in. It turned out that he was typing his username and password in capital letters.

Tech Support: "OK, let's try once more, but use lower case letters."

Customer: "Uhhhh, I only have capital letters on my keyboard..."

 

The True Salesman

A keen country lad applied for a salesman's job at a city department store. In fact, it was the biggest store in the world you could get anything there...

The boss asked him, "Have you ever been a salesman before?" "Yes, I was a salesman in the country," said the lad. The boss liked the cut of him and said, "You can start tomorrow and I'll come and see you when we close up."

The day was long and arduous for the young man, but finally 5 o'clock came around. The boss duly fronted up and asked "How many sales did you make today?" "One," said the young salesman. "Only one!" blurted the boss. "Most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale worth?" "Five hundred thousand, three hundred and thirty-four dollars," said the young man. "How did you manage that?" asked the flabbergasted boss.

"Well," said the salesman, "this man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium fish hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him a small fishing line, a medium fishing line and a really huge big one. I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. I said he would probably need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty-foot schooner with the twin engines. The guy then realized his old Volkswagen probably wouldn't be able to pull it, so I took him to the car department and sold him the new Suburban."

The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment. "You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook!" "Hell no," answered the salesman "He came in to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said to him, "Your weekend's screwed, you might as well go fishing."

 

Sitting inside a British airplane, Johnny asked his mother, “Mom, if big dogs produce puppies and big cats produce small pussy cats, why don’t big airplanes like this one produce baby airplanes ?”

 

Finding this hard to answer, the mother told Johnny to ask the air-steward instead.  Johnny walked determinedly towards an air-steward standing nearby and asked him, “Excuse me, if big dogs produce puppies and big cats produce small pussy cats, why don’t big airplanes such as this one produce baby airplanes ?”

 

Turning his attention to the little boy, the air-steward asked, “Did your mommy told you to ask me ?”

 

“Yes,” said Johhny.

 

“Well,” the air-steward replied with a smile, “Tell your mommy that this is because British Airplanes always pull out on time.”

 

 

Workplace Quotes

Quote from a recent meeting:
"We are going to continue having these meetings, everyday, until I find out why no work is getting done."

Quote from the Boss:
"I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you."

A motivational sign at work:
"The beatings will continue until morale improves."

A direct quote from the Boss:
"We passed over a lot of good people to get the ones we hired."

My Boss said to me:
"What you see as a glass ceiling, I see as a protective barrier."

Quote from the Boss after overriding the decision of a task force he created to find a solution:
"I'm sorry if I ever gave you the impression your input would have any effect on my decision for the outcome of this project!"

Human Resource Manager to job candidate:
"I see you've had no computer training. Although that qualifies you for upper management, it means you're under-qualified for our entry level positions."

Quote from telephone inquiry:
"We're only hiring one summer intern this year and we won't start interviewing candidates for that position until the boss' daughter finishes her summer classes."

It was painfully evident to an indignant Mother that all was not well with her attractive daughter.

To her pointed questions, the girl tearfully admitted that motherhood was approaching, and that a close friend of the family was responsible.

With fire in her eyes, the Mother drove over to the friend's house and confronted him. The man readily admitted his guilt.

"But I have a very good reason," the soon-to-be dad said. "I doubt I'll ever get married, and wanted an heir to leave my fortune to. If your daughter presents me with a daughter, I'll give her $500,000. If she bears me a son, I'll make it a million."

"Now see here," said the Mother. "That's totally unacceptable. If it's a miscarriage, will you at least give her another chance?"

Difference Between You And Your Boss

When you take a long time, you're slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.

When you don't do it, you're lazy.
When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.

When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.

When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your authority.
When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.

When you take a stand, you're being bull-headed.
When your boss does it, he's being firm.

When you overlooked a rule of ettiquette, you're being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.

When you please your boss, you're arse-creeping.
When your boss pleases his boss, he's being co-operative.

When you're out of the office, you're wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he's on business.

When you have one too many drinks at a social, you're a drunken bum.
When your boss does the same, he appreciates women.

When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick.
When your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.

When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked.

Hit and run 

A man comes out of a shopping mall to find that the side of his car is rammed in.

Seeing a note under the windshield, he reads it.

On the paper is written: "As I'm writing this, about a dozen people are watching me. They think I'm giving you my name, phone number, and insurance company. But I'm not."

 

Ladies & Gentlemen,

Time to move from Bahasa Malaysia to other language.  Let’s start with Japanese.

 

Time to learn NIHONGO ............ Lesson 1  :

 

1)      What do you call a dirty-minded gigolo ?

          OTAKUKOTO

 

2)      What do you say to a Japanese girl if you want to get hanky panky with her ?

          MARIKURABA

 

3)      What do a Japanese girl say if she is selling ?

          MAUMASUKA ?

 

4)      What do a Japanese girl say if she wants to know whether you have been circumcised ?

          SUDAPOTONGKA ?

 

5)      What does a Japanese geisha say when she has not have sex for quite sometime ?

          CIPAIKULAPA

 

6)      How do a big breasted geisha describe/brag about herself ?

          TETEKUBESA

 

7)      What do a Japanese girl say if she wants to know how long is your ---

          ADAPANJANGKA ?

 

8)      Who is the first Japanese Prime Minister in Malaysia ?

          MR. KURASATAKADA

 

9)      What do a Japanese girl say if she wants to know whether a man’s _ _ _ is functioning ?

          BOLEKERASKA ?

 

10)    What do a Japanese fraternity boys say if they want to f *** a geisha ?

          RAMAIBOLEKA ?

 

11)    What do you call a geisha with flat chest ?

          TETEKAURATA

 

12)    What do you call a horny geisha ?

          ICHIBAWA

 

13)    What do you call a cheap geisha ?

          PUKIMURA

 

14)    What do you call it when you desperately want to f *** a geisha but she refused ?

          KOTEKUKECEWA (loosely translated as “my dick is disappointed”)

 

15)    To know whether a geisha is menstruating, you ask _ _ _

          DAPAKAIMODESKA ?

          She answers “Hait”   (get it or not ??   hait = 3D haid = 3D menstruating in Malay)

 

 

ADAMAUSAMBUNGKA ????

HOW MUCH SEX ?

“How often should I plan to have sex ?” the young bridegroom asked his grandfather on his wedding night.

Grandpa said, “When you’re first married, you want it all the time, maybe several times a day.

Later on, sex tapers and you have it maybe once a week or so.

Then, as you get older, you have sex maybe once a month.

When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a year – maybe on your anniversary.”

“Well, how about you and grandma now ?” the younger man asked.

Grandpa replied, “Oh, we just have oral sex now.”

“What’s oral sex ?”

“Well,” said Grandpa, “She goes to bed in her bedroom, I go to bed in my bedroom.  She yells, ‘FUCK YOU,” and I holler back, ‘FUCK YOU, TOO.’

 

 

Dracula died and went to heaven.  God told him that he will be given a chance to go back on earth but in the form of an animal, and asked Dracula what he would like to become.

 

Without hesitating, Dracula answered, “I want to become something that can fly and go round sucking blood.”

 

God turned Dracula into a bat and he was happy because he was able to fly around and suck blood.  Unfortunately, while he was enjoying himself on a cow in the nearby farm one night, bang !  The farmer fired a gun at him and he died on the spot.  Up went Dracula and he met God again.  God took pity on him and told him he can still go back on earth but he can’t be a bat anymore.

 

Dracula answered, “I still want to become something that can fly and go round sucking blood.”

 

God turned Dracula into a mosquito and he was satisfied since he was able to fly round sucking blood again.  But things didn’t always turn out right, while he was feeding himself on a human being one night, smack !  He was hit by a swift slap and died instantly, flat on the arm of the human.  Dracula was brought to God again and this time, God told him that he will be given a last chance to return to earth but he can’t be something which can fly anymore.

 

Stubbornly, Dracula replied, “I still want to become something which can suck blood.”

 

God granted Dracula’s wish and turned him into a sanitary pad.

 

 

Subject :  Singh Story  (What do u call them …??)

 

0.            Who is the only Singh ?

         Jaswant Singh

 

1.            A SINGH who is a sailor ?

         Karpal Singh

 

2.            A SINGH who attends a Chinese wedding party ?

         Yam Singh

 

3.      A SINGH who is digging a hole ?

         Menggali Singh

 

4.      A SINGH who is a gangster ?

         Samsingh

 

5.      A SINGH who likes to slap people ?

         Tau Ba Singh (Cantonese)

 

6.      A SINGH who is lost ?

         Missingh

 

7.      A SINGH who is noisy ?

         Bisingh

 

8.      A SINGH who likes herbs ?

         Gin Singh

 

9.      A SINGH who kills people ?

         Assassingh

 

10.    A SINGH with two balls ?

         Balan Singh (as in balancing)

 

11.    A SINGH with three balls ?

         AMAZING !!!

 

12.    A SINGH who likes to drink soya bean milk ?

         Yeoh Hup Singh

 

13.    What do you call a SINGH who owns a ship that sank ?

         No lah, not Titanic Singh.  He’s Karam Singh.

 

14.    What do you call a SINGH who is a lousy Singh ?

         Owtar Singh

 

15.    What do you call a SINGH who likes roundabout ?

         Pu Singh

 

16.    What do you call a SINGH who is a three-star general ?

         Sam Lap Singh (Cantonese)

 

17.    What do you call a SINGH who is flying around on a broom ?

         Sow Pah Singh

 

18.    If the Sikhs were to succeed in forming their own country, what will they call their currency ?

         Mata Wang Ah Singh

 

 

Two vampire bats are hanging upside down in a cave.  One of the bats feels rather hungry.  “Let’s go and find some blood”, he suggests.

 

“I don’t think you can get any blood this time of the day”, says the other bat.

 

“Well, I want some blood and I want it now !”, says the first bat and prepares to take off.  “Are you coming or what ?”

 

“Don’t be stupid, you’ll just waste your time”, says the second bat.

 

So the first bat flies away.  After a few minutes he is back with blood smeared all over his face.

 

“Where did you manage to find blood this time of the day ?” asks the second bat.

 

“Well, do you see that tree out there ?”, says the first bat and points at a tree outside the cave, “Do you see that tree ?”

 

“Yes,”  says the second bat, “of course I see it.”

 

“Well, I didn’t”, replies the first.

 

 

A group of Irish gangsters are sitting around deliberating over methods they will employ in robbing a bank.  After a lot of thought they all agreed on the way to go about it.  In the wee hours of the following morning they met and embark on their plans to get rich.  Once inside the bank, efforts at disabling the internal security system get under way immediately.

 

The robbers expecting to find one or two huge safes filled with cash and valuables were more than surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes scattered strategically throughout the bank.  The first safe’s combination was cracked, and inside the robbers found only a bowl of vanilla pudding.  “Well,” said one robber to another, “at least we got a bit to eat.”  They opened up the second safe and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding, and the process continued until all the safes were opened and there was not one dollar, a diamond, nor an ounce of gold to be found.  Instead, all the safes contained containers of pudding.

 

Disappointed, each of the mobsters made a quiet exit, leaving with nothing more than queasy, uncomfortably full stomachs.

 

The following morning, a Dublin newspaper headline read :

 

“IRELAND’S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING …”

 

 

 

An Army Sergeant Major walks into a whorehouse and approaches the madam and says, “My name is Sergeant Major Dick and I’m here for a woman!”.  The madam immediately escorts the soldier upstairs and selects the best call girl they have for him.

Sergeant Major Dick immediately disrobes and is standing with his hands on his hips while he looks at the prostitute awaiting him on the bed.  He then says, “My name is Sgt. Major Dick, been in the Army thirty years, and I’m a master of my mind and body.  DICK, ATTEN-HUN.”  Immediately, his penis becomes fully erect.

The protitute is in awe and asks him how he can do that.  The Sgt. Major replies, “Like I said, I’ve been in the Army thirty years, and I’m a master of my mind and body.  DICK, AT EASE.”  His penis immediately goes limp.

The protitute still can’t get over the control he has and asks him for another demonstration.  The Sgt. Major says, “I’m a master of my mind and body. DICK, ATTEN-HUN.” (a raging hard-on once again) and he follows this display of prowess with the command of “DICK, AT EASE.”  (his penis goes limp once again).

The protitute still can’t believe her eyes and asks for the demonstration yet again.  The Sgt. Major shouts, “I’ve already told you honey, I’ve been in the Army thirty years and I’m a master of my mind and body.  DICK, ATTEN-HUN.”  His penis becomes immediately erect.  And then gives the following command, “DICK, AT EASE.”

The Sgt. Major looks down, and to his amazement, his penis is still hard.  He then says, “Apparently you didn’t hear me soldier.  DICK, AT EASE.”  Once again, his penis is still fully erect.  The Sgt. Major is now fuming, and says, “I’m going to tell you one more time, DICK, AT EASE. “  No luck, his penis is still hard.  He yells god dammit and moves to the side of the bed and starts to masturbate vigorously.

The protitute asks, “What the hell is going on ?”

The Sgt. Major replies, “This soldier disobeyed a direct order, and I’m giving him a dishonorable discharge.”

 

 

 

            (> ”” <) 

            ( * o * )

            (,,) . (,,)

 

 

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