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In Da Club

STARRING:.....Calvin as MELVIN....Derek as MANGO....Simon as HERMAN

Scene 1:
Herman, Melvin, and Mango in Herman's car.

Mango...(excited and anxious) Oh man, I can't wait to get into the club and mack on some honeys.

Melvin...Hell yah! I'm going to get a hummer tonight.

Herman...Slow down boys, none of us are going to get our dinkys wet until we find parking. Ah man, this is taking too long, I'm just going to get valet parking.

Mango...No!! C'mon man don't go to valet man. It's expensive.

Herman...Fuck, who gives a shit. I'm valeting.

Mango...(reluctantly agreeing)Fine...

Valet Dude...Hi sir, what can I do for you today?

Herman...How much for valet parking?

Valet Dude...$7 sir... so would you like to valet your piece of shit, I mean car.

Herman... Shut your face parking boy... just take care of my ride.

Mango... See, I told you not to valet, now everyone's laughing at us... How are we going to get our dinkys wet now.

Melvin... Hey Herman, check out that nerdy whitegirl, even she's dissing your ride.

Mango... Holy shit Herman, you look like you're going to blow up.

Herman...(angry and frustrated) I hate it when people diss my ride! It's a good car.

Scene 2
The trio enter the club.

The club was super happening, with beautiful women swarming the dancefloor like geeks at a Star Trek convention. The array of neon lights and jigglies had the trio mesmerized. They all looked at each other and made a decision to fulfill their orgasmic fantansies by the end of the night. They started to feel a gayness between them, so they decided to stop staring at each other and disperse into the crowd.

Mango:Fuck yah! We're finally in. Holy shit, look at all the fine bitches in here. Where should I begin to mack?

After a few drinks, Mango strutted his stuff
around the club, and seductively glanced at 2 girls
by the bar. He couldn't believe the remarkable beauty of the one
girl who instantaneously gave Mango a throbbing sensation
in his crotch area. He knew he had to talk to her, otherwise
his sexual fantasies of them doing it together in a back alley on a soiled mattress
would not be any more than a figment of his imagination. As he approached her
his palms grew sweaty and his crotch area still throbbing.

Mango: Hey baby, have you ever felt the sweet juicy shower of a mango?

Girl 1: What the fuck did you say?

Mango: You know. Getting jizzed all over your body.

Girl 1: Get lost creep! You little dick motherfucker. I got standards you loser. You have to buy me a handbag before you can jiz on my face.

Mango, who was undoubtedly embarassed from being rejected like a basketball, could not understand how he could of failed with such a snazzy pick up line. He had to think of something to tell his friends.

Melvin: So how'd it go Mango?

Mango: You won't believe it. The best looking girl in the club is a lesbo. Otherwise I would of got that shit.

Herman:Don't sweat it Mangs. If you took her home tonight, she would of probably ended up showing you her dick. Trust me, I know. Hey, hey, hey, lets watch the show.

Scene 3
The main attraction of the night. As the MC took the stage, the club was in complete pandemonium in anticipation of the big battle.

Phifer:Yo, Yo, Yo, yall listen up. All yall in for a treat tonight. I want all you slanty eyed fucks to make some noise!!(crowd makes noise) I want to give a shout out to all the women out there with implants. You know who you are! Play on sistas. Aight, aight, time to introduce are battlers tonight. Lets get those two chickenheads out here!

Phifer...On my right, we got my lil nigga,
Lil Bow Wow!

On my left, we got badboy shootem up,
50 Pound!!

Lil Bow Wow...Wats up yo!! Yall ready to laugh this chink ass back to his corner store!!

50 Pound...Hey, wat up ladies. Don't worry, there's enough of 50 Pound to go around. Actually, there's only 50 Pounds, so take it easy.

50 Pound did not take Lil Bow Wow's fist waving very lightly nor did his entourage. Tempers flared and 50 Pound and his crew were growing too hostile, luckily security calmed the raging group.

Phifer...Let's start this shit, DJ, spin that beat!!

Lil Bow Wow...I'm rich young and black
Chink, you short enough to lick my sack
A mack is what I am
By looks of it, you can't even afford spam
Mam, is your name in this game
Cuz niggas be fuckin you like an anorexic dame
Your crew look as lame you
Guess your mama didn't feed you skinny fucks no moo
We'll see if your rhymes have bite
But we don't want to hear no Wang Chung tonight
Listen up you Jin wannabe
Ruff Ryda ain't hiring so go back over seas
Your shitty records ain't ever go gold
You better off building railroads!!!!

Phifer...WHOA!! That's my lil partner dissing it up. I hear a lot of Bow Wow lovers out there... Ok, ok, ok.. 50 Pound you got 60 seconds.. DJ spin that shit once more!!!

50 pound... .......yo.... yo yo...........................yo..

Crowd...Choke, choke, choke, choke, choke, choke.....

50 pound was feeling the enormous pressure from the taunting crowd. He just wished he could perform like he did before, in the basements of chinatown , in front of up and coming asian rappers like himself. There, he was king of the underground, he owned the motherfuckin streets on that block. But here, he was just a small cheesecake. Amazingly, just when 50 Pound seemed to be choking, it appeared as though he cleared his esophagus and out of nowhere began to scream at the top of his lungs like a little bitch. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!! But once the screams subsided, the expression on 50 Pound's face meant business.

50 Pound...It's Lil Bow Wow who thinks he a G
But he gets a stomach ache from MSG
You just a kid, you ain't like Mike
10 days ago you just learned to ride a bike
You say the niggas be fuckin me
But you got snoops dick in your mouth
And Master P's dick in your south
Drinks on me for the rest of the crowd
Sorry Lil Bow Wow no minors allowed
I'm gonna shutup soon cause you already late
You suppose to be home by quarter to eight
When you get home and your mommy's not around
It's cause she's getting fucked by 50 Pound!!!!

The crowd could not believe the lyrics that were just spat out by 50 Pound. They all of a sudden found a special admiration for this chinaman who appeared as though, he stayed on the Jenny Craig weight loss plan a tad too long.

Phifer Damn!!! No contest!! Your winner, 50 Pound!!

50 Pound could not believe the love the crowd was showing him. Immediately after a member from his entourage went on stage to hand him a bouquet of flowers, tears began to fall from his eyes like suicidal maniacs on a 100 story building.

50 Pound...(blowing kisses and weeping) I want to thank god, for giving me strength when I needed it. I want to thank Bakery Records, Xui Zhu Chuan for supporting me all the way. Thank you! Thank you! I love all of you!!

Scene 4

As 50 Pound left the stage, the attention shifted back to the party scene. Herman was feeling very horny, because he did not have his scheduled wet dream the night before. There was this one woman, that he had his eye on the whole night but he wasn't sure how to approach her.

Herman... Man, what am I going to say? Can I buy you a drink? No, no, no, that never works. You look hot in the dark? Probably not. Would you like to have dirty sex in the washroom? No, that's never going to work. Think Herman, think.

Herman... Hi, my name's........

Girl...(interupts) No, no, I don't like names.

This chick had Herman in a state of hellfull bliss. Her eyes glanced stares of eroticism, her lips were the perfect recipe for fulfilling oral sex. Basically, this was the whore of Herman's dreams.

Girl... You want to give me a massage?

Herman... Oh good goly gosh, do I... (adds bass to his voice) ... I mean, sure.

Girl... Oh, that feels good...

Herman could not believe the gods were on his side tonight. As Herman massaged her shoulders, a look of arousal began to evolve on her face, that even all of holy hell had never even seen before. Her legs were neatly crossed but Herman planned to have those legs spread apart, kicking and screaming from sinful bliss by the end of the night. He began to grow impatient, he wanted it now, but he knew he couldn't. So he began to jerk himself up and down across her back, making sure that his jimmy was pressed firmly against her. She tried desperately to break free, but Herman's grip on her was too strong. Finally, she managed to escape Herman's death grip.

Girl... You fucking sicko!!

Scene 5

Melvin was not going to be left out from the action tonight. He was doing his own scoping through the club. At last, he locked eyes with a girl across the bar.

Girl... Hey, you look bored....

Melvin...(nervous)Umm..ahh..

Girl... So, have you ever been blown before?

Melvin...(really nervous) Um..yes.. I mean no.. ah, what do you mean?

Girl... Have you ever had your dick sucked, is what I'm trying to say.

Melvin... Ummmm.. I guess no. Unless you count the time I came out of the shower and my dog licked my genitals.

Girl... Meet me behind that curtain in 2 minutes.

Melvin was not going to pass up this chance to get his weiner sucked. He quickly dashed into the dark, behind the curtain, faster than a superhero. All he could think about was her slutty smiling lips that would soon be in the shape of his cock. Finally, she arrived and went straight for his pants. She then, engulfed Melvin's unit into her mouth and began to go crazy on him. Melvin was in complete ecstasy. His lonely nights of masturbating sessions, did not even compare to how he was feeling now, except they lasted longer. Melvin, blew his load in a matter of seconds. sending flying projectiles of semen all over the curtain and on her face. He didn't care that his first blowjob lasted as long as the 100 meter dash, he officially got a hummer. Melvin wanted to shed some light in the area, to see how his jiz looked on her face.

Melvin... C'mon baby, let me see your face....

Melvin could not believe his eyes...

Marilyn Manson... Sweet dreams are made of these!!!

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