| Monotony by ü bRaT ü With the wind and the rain blowing into my face, I watched as huge droplets of water spattered into the glass panes of my window. They were open, but I didn’t bother to close them. I liked the feel of the cool wind against my face, the drops of water mingling with the tears that fell from my eyes. Tears. Again. I thought that everything that happened and the fact that it did happen a lot of times before had made me devoid of feeling. I had thought that all these problems, repeating and recapitulating into a cycle that seemed almost like monotony would somehow grow on me, so that in time, I would learn to dismiss. To forget, and to ignore. But that never happened. I had always been bothered, always been hurt. And I had always cried. Peculiar as it is, I never tired of this unending monotony. Problems came and disappeared, or in the very least were disregarded in the name of compromise. Then, the two of us emerged, closer and more in love. Love? Funny thought. Supposedly love is forever. I had thought that it was part of the monotony I had willingly trapped myself in. Maybe it was. But it sure isn’t a part of me now. Whatever had been there before had gone, and I was left with nothing. Not even my happiness that should have come with the reclamation of my freedom that I so dearly lost before. And I certainly wasn’t left with you. All I have is this incredible yearning, an emptiness, an ache, for the monotony that was my life before. The monotony that, at times, made me feel oppressed and depressed. The monotony that made me feel the hurt of distrust and the pain of rejection. The monotony that threatened to obliterate my very existence and replace it with one which was solely a product of your choices and your wills. The monotony of conflict, apologies, and forgiveness, over and over again. The monotony of having the same feeling of warmth, security and companionship coupled with an intense feeling of joy. The monotony of my life with you. |
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