just brian

about me

“My life is a chip in your pile. Ante up!” – Setzer, Final Fantasy III

During my last year at the University of Michigan, there was a significant push by campus conservatives for a “fair and balanced” viewpoint in the school newspaper, The Michigan Daily. In response, the paper assembled, in a seemingly systematic fashion, a line of editorial columnists who would give both “conservative” and “liberal” stances on a particular topic. As a fierce liberal and individual who believes in the value of diversity, I naturally embraced (and still do!) the idea of a “fair and balanced” approach to scrutinizing hot-topics ranging from Affirmative Action to the War on Terror.

Yesterday, I watched a Fox newscast about Al Gore’s movie “An Inconvenient Truth.” The film was attacked for not being “fair and balanced”. Why does it need to be balanced? The Right has successfully stuffed this “fair and balanced” crap down America’s throat for far too long. My problem is the Right on this idea consist of two principal truisms: (a) not all ideas are equal and (b) not all explanations of specific phenomenon are equal. That is, we don’t hold tribunals to debate whether Copernicus’ idea of a heliocentric universe is true nor do we argue on Capital Hill to whether smoking cigarettes causes cancer; both of latter statements have been unequivocally been proven respectively false and true.

If the American Meteorological Association and the Environmental Protection Agency, both comprised of imminently talented and qualified individuals, espouse the view that global warming is real and a threat, why do we need to swivel the camera to some laymen Senator from Oklahoma? The problem is that the scientific methodology doesn’t mesh with America’s new “fair and balanced” mantra. Science, ultimately, I think, seeks to define individual phenomenon using the least, simplest explanation. Science doesn’t attempt to be “fair” in describing any range of ideas, instead, it is guided by maxims that principally consist of truth and the general consensus thereof.

I was with the Right when they were screeching and howling about media being unfairly biased against them. They were right. Now, I think, the Right is going a too far with this “fair and balance” crap, expecting balance and fairness where there is none.

Peace,

Brian

"Our worst fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be so brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?' Actually, who are we not to be?" - Marianne Williamson

I go home to my empty apartment, throw down my bookbag and jacket on the chair. My boots slip from my feet. I sit down, my fingers searching through the mass of papers and books that are haphazardly strewn across my desk. I find it. The put the crudely-wrapped joint to my lips, ignite the tip with the lighter, and inhale. In that moment, pure, unadultured sadness quickly vanishes into an emotion that can't be described.

It is that feeling you get when you think of a basket of fresh, crisp apples; a moment of clarity that comes after finally understanding something that you thought was too arcane; that half-happy, half-bemused feeling you get after inhaling a fragrance that unexplicably leaves you fondly remembering something good about your childhood. It isn't quite euphoria but it is close enough.

I smile.

I exhale, watching plumes of smoke billow into the air. My head nods in satisfication. I puff at the joint again, this time deeper, feeling the smoke fill my lungs. A wave of calm washes through me, causing the rage and sadness to drift away until a kind of dull lull. I had problems a few minutes ago. What problems? There are no problems, I have no problems. I am content with life, everything is perfect.

Though everything isn't perfect. I've failed my classes, been hospitalized for a drug overdose, I've even been half-arrested in Canton, MI all within the expanse of two-and-a-half months. My life has seemingly fallen apart. The only thing that pulls me through the weekday is the subsequent use of illicit drugs on the weekends. 3,4-methylenedioxymethamphetamine works in mysterious ways.

I've erased and catalogued the previous website entries. As I read them, I think I've showcased my fall from grace, a kind of cute slipslide into the depths of drug-use.

Peace,

Brian