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| To My Darling Son Michael Well...........Here we are again, Christmas!!!! This is the 5th Christmas without you. How many more do I have to survive through?? Its going to be so hard this year, no more of going away and hiding, no this year we are staying home. I heard katie tell one of her friends that we don`t celebrate Christmas anymore....broke my heart to hear her say that. She was only 12 when you left us, all alone and heartbroken. You both loved Christmas so much, but since that awful day, I have not been able to "do" Christmas without you. I feel awful for Katie, Christmas has been ripped from her, just as you were. I have to do it this year Mike, for Katie`s sake, hope you understand. It does NOT mean we are moving on without you, because I don`t want to move on!!! I know everyone wants me to, but I can`t and I won`t!!! I want to go back to Christmas 1999, when we were such a happy family. Our last Christmas together, and looking forward to seeing the Millennium in. Which we did, and the memories of that, I will hold dear forever. I miss you so much Michael, I would give anything, just to have one more moment with you. I now know what the meaning "parents would die for their kids" means. I would have done anything for you, anything!!! Which is why, I have to do Christmas this year for Kate. I have to start thinking of her now too. You two would have got on so well together, she is so grown up now, but I know she misses her big bro. How can I help her cope, when I`m not coping myself?? We are also going to go round Tracy & Colin`s house after Christmas dinner for the "Traditional Family Christmas" with Auntie Janet, Uncle Pat, Nan, Granddad, Lisa, Mark, Cheryl, Mitchell and Leah and hopefully Uncle terry, Auntie Julie and Lauren. The whole family together again at Christmas for the 1st time in 5 years. Except it won`t be the whole family, will it? YOU will be missing!!! YOU will be missing from the table when we eat our Christmas dinner, YOU will be missing when we open our presents, YOU will be missing the day you so looked forward to. Just like YOUR missing from our Home. But one thing you`re not missing from, is in my heart, you will stay there forever and ever!!! I am sending you the biggest kiss and cuddle from me, "but I don`t want to send them!!! I want to give you them in person. I want to hug you so badly, it tears me apart. I try and be happy for everyone else, but how can I, when I am so jealous of their happy family`s. Ooooooooh I miss you so much Mike, and I LOVE YOU with all my heart. If you see the tears welling up in my eyes, make sure you stop them streaming down my face, so I don`t ruin the "Family Christmas" I so want to make it special again for them all, I know they miss you terribly as well. LOVE AND MISS YOU LOADS MUM XXXX |