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| TO MICHAEL WITH LOVE FROM TRACY |
| To Michael, I know I didn`t see a lot of you, but I miss you and think about you everyday. I cry when I look at your picture, or hear the songs that were played at your funeral. I just cannot understand how life can be so cruel. Before you died I was a great believer in fate, I believed when things happedthey happen for a reason, but now you are gone and I no longwer believe this....what reason could there be for letting you die. One thingh I do believe is that I will see you again. I will see you in Heaven(once again we will see your cheeky grin) Although you are no longer here, I have my memories that will always keep you alive. Remember when we were young and we went to the Isle Of Wight with Nan and Granddad? We have a picture of you picking your nose!! you looked so cute. I saw you mo?st at family get togethers, like Christmas, when we went for a meal on Christmas eve, or when the whole family had Christmas dinner together ay nan and granddad`s. The last couple of years you and Mark would have dinner and then want to leave to go to your friends, when I was 14-16yrs that`s what I wanted to do too. I had more fun with my friends, I expect you did too. But as I got older I enjoyed our family get together`s and realised how much all my family meant to me. I expect we will still have those family meals and party`s, but someone will always be missing---YOU, but I know you will be watching over us all and you will be in our hearts. As you know I was pregnant when you died, I had a baby boy, who Colin and I called Mitchell Francis. Your mum told me you would have loved him as you loved kids and I know he would have loved you as much as we all do. When I was told how bad your injuries were, I felt very confused, I knew the old saying "one death=one birth" and I felt somehow like if you died it was my fault. I felt if I wasn`t pregnant then you would live, but your mum and others made me realise I was in no way to blame, I had been pregnant for nine months and it was already a little boy. I had Mitchell on the 2-2-00, the day your mum and dad were told you were brain dead, although I wasn`t told untold until the 5-2-00. I was so happy to have a beautiful baby boy, but I felt so guilty to be feeling this when everybody else felt so numb with pain and grief. I have never in my life been filled with all the emotions I felt at that time-happiness, guilt, devasteted, sadness all rolled into one. I hope when I die I have as many people at my funeral as you did. You were so obliviously loved and liked by everyone who knew you. I don`t think I will ever understand how life works?? What the purpose of all the pain and suffering we all deal with, is for, but I will keep believing in Heaven and believe we are all happy when we go there, when we all re-unite one by one. After all I realise now no-one knows when their time is. It is just so unfair your life was cut so short. You had so much to do and so much to look forward to. When MItchell was first born and Colin was cuddling him, I felt so ANGRY that you would never have that chance, to hold your own son or daughter and feel the amount of love between parent and child. The UNCONDITIONAL LOVE that I know your mum and dad have for you. I sometimes see people in the street and I do a double take, thinking it`s you, but of course it never is. I wish it was, so I could say goodbye properly. I`m so sorry I didn`t get the chance to say goodbye like everyone else, but I was in hospital giving birth. I guess that`s the real reason why I`m writing this letter to you, to say goodbye, but only till we meet again. I could go on and on, I always have lots to say!! But I`ll finish now, I`ll always remember you, so will Colin and when Mitchell gets older we will tell him all about you. I know you`re happy where you are and although your death has ripped us all apart, YOU WILL BE IN OUR HEARTS FOREVER. Love You Tracy xxxxxxxxxxxx |
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