In Christ Be:
Washed Clean, Made Pure & Living *HOLY*

Things happen in life that sometimes make us very angry at other people. You've heard the word "Forgiveness" and you may not be feeling that what that person has done to cause you so much pain can be forgiven. Perhaps they've caused the death of a loved one, or through their actions, something has happened to you that hurts so badly that you feel your life will never be the same again.

You wonder how you can forgive someone who you feel has put so much pain into your life that your life will never be the same again. {There are all different reasons we have for needing to Forgive Some-one else, but you can apply these steps, for the most part, to your own personal situation. There is also a Forgiveness Prayer Link at the bottom of this page, where you may go to say a Prayer to Forgive Some-one else.}

This is a normal reaction to a traumatic experience but staying that way will not help you or anyone else.

Sometimes, I think that people think, because they forgive, or they move ahead with their life, they are letting "go" of the loved one they lost. That isn't so...not a day goes by, Mike (My Brother who Passed Away) is not in my heart and in my thoughts. You just can't ever forget the Loss of a Loved One "a Tramatic Sudden Death". You certainly can not EVER forget your loved one "that will NEVER happen". God doesn't want that to happen...BUT...a better life ahead for you, with Peace and Love, is possible. I am sure God and our Loved Ones would want that for us.

Forgiveness, is it important in healing?
Yes, It is one of the most important things in healing. However, please do NOT rush through things and feel because you are not Forgiving fast enough that it is wrong. Do not make yourself rush through this process, because it is NOT easy, and it takes time. It is OK to have feelings that are not good and to allow ourselves to feel that way. It is Ok, and it is part of healing. It is when alot of time goes by and we are not moving ahead when it becomes damaging to ourselves and to others. It is Ok to work through things at your OWN pace. Not someone elses pace. God understands and wants you to heal fully, not according to someone else and what they think is the right amount of time. No-one is the same, and No-one is going to heal, greive, and Forgive in the same amount of time or in the same way.
There really is NO "certain" time frame. Forgiving requires us working through things ONE step at a time. "It WILL happen" with time.

Forgiveness is the key to healing.
Think about how hard it must have been for Jesus to say "Father, Forgive them, for they know not what they do".

After I got my thoughts straight (after such a traumatic death, your thoughts are not straight) I wanted to heal, and I could not stand disliking someone as much as I did Mike's friend right after the crash.

~I prayed and prayed some more. I asked God for help in healing and in forgiving.~

God said "My dear child I will help you" -it will be painful- and it WON'T be easy. It will hurt very much and with these words I will leave with you - You will heal and help others to heal as well".

To Forgive, I first had to allow myself to face the truth head on. Meaning, the truth that Mike had done the same thing and so had many others - drinking and driving - Not all of us but many of us have, and we were the lucky ones. It was not any of us in that accident. If we look & put our focus on other people and their faults, we don't look at the truths in our own lives. Nobody is perfect & people make mistakes. I realize that some situations are much larger and more serious than others, but honestly in "God's eyes- it all comes down to the same meaning.
Luke 6:42

Yes, even my husband and I had been guilty of this as well, until Mike's crash changed our lives.

All of us are from the same town "same group" and knew each other as friends. This situation made it harder.

I allowed myself to look at the situation by putting myself in Mike's friend, Jeremy's shoe's and his families shoe's.

My parents "honestly" would have done the same thing for Mike as what Jeremy's parents had done for him, getting a lawyer and trying to help their Son because that's what families do.

They protect each other and help each other no matter what has happened.

This may look like they don't care what happened but that isn't what they are feeling. They are doing what normal families do to help each other. I refused to believe in my heart that they didn't care. Knowing and facing these truths hurt -I had to accept them- if I was to heal and move on.

I told Jeremy "I know that if it had been Mike who lived and not you that night, I would have wanted Mike to be Forgiven, and I would have wanted Mike to change his life and come out of jail a better person". I would have wanted Mike to start a new life after all of this. I would have wanted Mike to help others with his story by speaking to others about it.

I believe that Jeremy knew in his heart that I really Forgave him, and he thanked me for seeing all the sides of everyone's story.

Jeremy wrote back right away. He thanked my husband and I for our forgiveness. He told us how he had been laying in his jail cell and praying every night for Forgiveness.

He said that he knew that Mike had already forgiven him. He was right in saying that Mike had forgiven him. Mike was just that way. He could not stand for people to be upset with each other. He knew that he had make mistakes as well. He would have wanted Forgiveness for Jeremy more than anything else.

I took a chance Forgiving Jeremy.I did not really know how he felt inside. I had asked God for help. I had to trust in Him to do what was right.
God want's this Forgiveness for the young man, and He made sure that Jeremy did care and was thankful for the Forgiveness.

We all must allow ourselves to FACE certain truths in these matters in our lives. If you choose to ignore the truths about your loss, and in General, the area of Forgiveness, then you will not be able to heal. If you want to heal, and help others heal -then you must face truths- accept them, no matter how hurtful and painful they are.

Mike never liked people being angry with others no matter what happened.
He loved everyone and wanted happiness for everyone.
To Obey God, Honor Mike, and help me Heal, I needed to Forgive.

Life is all about happiness and not about being angry or bitter. We can take a bad situation and make it work out for the best through- GOD'S Help, Prayers, Love, and Truths.

All My Love,
Melissa
(Certified Christian Lay Counselor since 2002)

The classes I have had are: designed to educate and equip a community of helpers within the church to offer careful, Biblical encouragement, direction, hope and personal growth to hurting people in a hurting world.

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