| The Mikist Party Shamefully Presents: Random Ramblings |
| Welcome to the Mikist Party Senseless Page! To begin the page, we felt there would be no better way than random thoughts by our leader, Chairman Mike. What he says may be offensive, incoherent, and shameless but hey, read it anyways... |
| July 2003 Ah yes. Hello, and welcome to my new column. I'm the Chairman, and you're not, so sit down (I assume you are already, since you're at a computer), shut up, and read what my feeble mind has to express to you...the potential or current Mikist. I suppose you're wondering about the color scheme of this column...blue and purple. Many of you may be thinking, "this man must be a homosexual"! Wrong! You see, it's actually part of a campaign to rally and recruit female memebers, since I'm guessing they'd like this "pretty" writing. If you like what you see, and you're a girl (NOT A HOMOSEXUAL MAN), feel free to e-mail me at [email protected] or "IM" me (Mike90886). From there we can talk about Mikism or...something else? All right, I suppose you've caught on now. This segemnet is a shameless attempt to get myself a girlfriend. I figure hey, it's my site, and I'm head of the party, so if anyone should benefit from it...it's me. The whole girl thing has always bothered me somewhat. How does one go about talking to a girl, anyways? I always start off the conversation with meaningless crap about, well, nothing. It's usually just ramblings, annoying ramblings at that (take this column, for example). It's the whole challenge of thinking of what to talk about that gets me. What am I supposed to say? "My, what horrible weather we're having", or perhaps "So, do you like watching television?". I notice many different methods. Some guys I know use the "shock value" method, where they say the worst, most disgusting things around girls that they possibly can. The part that shocks me is that this seems to work. What has our great nation come to when lines about raping animals have become more effective than most other things (I know you think I made that up, but I didn't. One of our officers uses that a lot...and he's had much luck with it). All the other methods I see I can't really explain...natural charm I suppose. How can you just talk to someone and get them to like you?! I suppose if I knew that I'd be a whole lot better off in the political arena, too. Believe it or not, I sometimes try talking about this Mikist crap (you know it's crap if the guy who wrote it is confessing it's crap). They look at me as if I'm some sort of power hungry, drunken fiend. I'd just like to let everyone know that couldn't be farther from the truth, I'm more of a lazy, sober fiend if you ask me. I've also heard that cloths can be a major factor in all this. Since I'm not gay or European, I don't suppose I have any idea about this. I wouldn't know fashion if it came up from behind me smacked me over the head with a metal bat. Ah well, welcome to the wonderful world of confusion and random ramblings. Good, now that I'm done promoting myself, I'll explain a little about the party. If you think this is some sort of political movement with thousands of members and run by experianced politicians, you're a moron! The party only has about six members, many of which may not even remember their rank or what the dickens they're supposed to do. In truth, the officers really don't have to do anything but sit there and look pretty (or ugly, depending on the person). Also, before you go thinking we're a bunch of middle-aged losers, I should probably tell you we're just a small group of high schoolers with a really, really long running joke. Also, only one of us is old enough to vote at the current time, so we don't even have any real say in politics anyways. Ah, now that I have destroyed my and my party's credability, let's talk a little about it's history. It all began one December, when we were all pretty bored. We were making fun of enviormental activism, and I made up a random slogan...Save the Yaks. From there, I made a few flyers, got everybody together, and pow...Mikism. Why would I make up a random party and waste paper and printer ink on random flyers, you ask? Because I'm an idiot with nothing else better to do. Well, I see I still have some space left over. I seem to have two options...stop writing and just put in some pictures of random crap, or keep typing. I'm in the mood for typing. Let's see...I could discuss the current issues of the world, such as: Liberia, the Middle East, the fact the president of the world's biggest superpower is dumber than some people in supervised care and claims he can talk to God (President Bush claims God told him to invade Iraq), or the economy....or I could talk about television. Yesterday I was flipping through my vast selection of about 70 channels and found nothing really worth watching. All the major networks seem to have many reality shows...most of which exploit greed, stupidity, and other common qualities of humanity. I got to thinking, what if we were to make a reality show with President Bush? Here's the story line...we send Bush's entire cabinet and staff on a two week vacation somewhere, hense leaving Bush to run the executive branch all by himself. Over the two weeks he must address the nation (AKA give a speech that he wrote himself), keep the nation from entering any new conflicts, and generally not make a jackass out of himself. At the end of the second week, Americans could call in to either keep Bush as president or kick his sorry ass to the curb of the American political arena. I would suggest a formal election, but it's a fact that more people voted for American Idol than the 2000 election. Just one last thing...I don't think Bush is a bad guy, I just think he's a moron who doesn't know the difference between yaks and the British government... |
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| August 2003 Hello again. It's another month, so I felt it was time to write another column. My first column, written last month, has gotten no responce. Somehow I'm not surprised...the notion is somewhat liberating to me. One things now is clear: I can write whatever the dickens I want with seemingly no repercussions! Now that I've cleared my mind of that I would like to point out to you, the reader, something that is becoming increasinly evident in American society...laziness. First let me say one thing, I have little room to talk. Just ask anyone I know, and they're sure to tell the story of a lazy fat man with a bad attitude. However, even I am alarmed by the newly raised levels of American laziness. I suppose it dawned upon me when I used a public bathroom a while ago and noticed the urinal had no handle. I at first figured that it must be defective, but then noticed a sensor on the blasted thing. I quickly arrived at the obvious conclusion that the urinal flushed by itself as soon as the user walks away. Now I may be lazy, but let us get one thing perfectly clear between us...I can certainly flush my own damned toilet! It made me sad, and even a bit frightened, to know that the men of the world's currently most powerful nation (perhaps not for much longer) cannot even flush after they're finished! Come now, America! It's not hard! You "do what needs to be done", and then jiggle the little handle! Anyways, after I pondered all of this, I wandered over to the sink...and just when I assumed things could get no worse I noticed that the sinks had no knobs. The sinks were motion activated! So now not only can we not flush the damned toilet, we cannot even turn on the sink? Then I began to wonder, maybe this is for the better! I even began to accept it and think it was "cool". Then I remembered one thing, one very angering...disturbing thing...I was in a government sponsored facility and it was you and I, the tax payers, who had paid for this atrocity to be installed! All of the sudden, I had no harsh feelings toward all those who the I.R.S. accuses of evading taxes. So get up America, get up...use the toilet...and flush! Show your government and the world (much of which doesn't even have the luxury of indoor plumbing) that you can indeed flush your own toilet! Lately a new advertising campaign has been bothering...the Arby's Oven Mit. For years Arby's simply advertised their food in a logical manner. Then, in the late 1990s, things took a turn for the worse...Barry White began working for them. Don't get me wrong, Barry White was a great singer; however it sent a shiver down my spine when he began despcribing roast beef sandwiches in a sexual manner. Now I know that Barry White was acting, but the notion that anyone would even ponder the idea that a sandwich is sexually attractive is indeed terrorizing to me! How desparate, lonely, and intoxicated must one be before one attempts to seduce fast food? I can only hope that I never know the answer to that question. After a while those horrid and quite disturbing advertisements stopped, and for several years Arby's simply had normal commercials...until recently. Arby's, as you most likely know, has a mascot. The mascot is a talking oven mit, simply named "Oven Mit". A talking oven mit! Is that a they could come up with! What the dickens was their second choice, I wonder? Perhaps a crack smoking roast beef sandwich? How about dancing curly fries? Another issue with this whole fast food icon thing is McDonald's. That establishment has dozens of characters representing them...from a thief that steals hamburgers (an icon of someone leaving welfare and going awry, I suppose) to a clown that appears to have more of a taste for pedophilia than hamburgers or "McNuggets". That sounds digusting and wrong, I know...but who else sits on a bench near a children's play pen smiling that much, other than perhaps Michael Jackson. Just something to ponder... |
