| The Ultimate Test of Mikism Are You a Mikist, or Just Another Victem of the Two Party System? |
| Welcome to the Test of Mikism, where you get to see where you stand when it comes to politics. Don't worry, this isn't a test you can fail...no matter how dumb you are...unless of course you consider not being a Mikist failing. So go on, take it! What's the worst that could happen? Note: The Mikist Party will not accept responsablity or compensate for time wasted with this "test". |
| 1. If a member of Green Peace were to come up to you and ask you to join and for a donation, you would... -2 ...join, and give them a fair amount of your money. -1 ...join, but not give them any of your money. 0 ...just keep walking, ignoring them. +1...call them a bunch of militant hippies and keep walking. +2...call them a bunch of militant hippies, and then challenge the Green Peace represenative to a fight to the death involving tasers. |
| 2. President George W. Bush is... -2 ...a man of greatness. -1 ...a decent president. 0 ...not a good leader, but not a bad one either. +1...a dumbass. +2...a dumbass who needs to be recalled from office and replaced with someone who doesn't have imaginary conversations where God tells him to invade Iraq (no, we didn't make that last part up). |
| 3. The "coolest" organization in America today is... -2 ...the Ku Klux Klan. -1 ...a "green" organization (Green Party, Green Peace). 0 ...the Republican Party. +1...anything invloving free cheese. +2...none of the above. |
| 4. If I could venture one place on vacation, I'd go to... -2 ...Russia. -1 ...France. 0 ...Britain. +1...the United States. +2...Germany. |
| 5. My idea of reading is... -2 ...a good novel or short story. -1 ...a good magazine. 0 ...the captions to the links on pornographic sites. +1...the closed captioning on my television. +2...reading...ha! TV and streaming video are so much better, and require much less thought. |
| 6. My favorite talk show host is... -2 ...Oprah, or Dr. Phil. -1 ...Jenny Jones, or Riki Lake. 0 ...Maury Povic. +1...Jerry Springer. +2...anyone whose show involves irate midgets. |
| 7. I'm bothering to take this survey because... +2...just give youself the points for getting this far on this meaningless test. |
| NOTE: This question is for men only; if you're a woman move on to #9. 8. I am most sexually attracted to... -2 ...Michael Jackson. -1 ...Rosie O'Donnel. 0 ...Martha Stewart. +1...Rosie O'Donnel, after consuming several kegs of beer. +2...I would rather kill myself than sleep with any of the above. |
| NOTE: This question is for women only; if you're a man please move on to #11. 9. I am most sexually attracted to... -2 ...Rosie O'Donnel -1 ...Oprah 0 ...Adolf Hitler +1...David Liggins (click to see who the devil this is) +2...I would rather kill myself than sleep with any of the above. |
| Note: This question if for transvestites only; unless that is you please continue on to #11. 10. I am most sexually attracted to... I don't care how cruel this sounds...but listen to me carefully. Either dress as a man or lynch yourself! I suppose you're saying "Don't I get choices too?". The answer is no! Deduct 15 points from your score and move on. |
| 11. I do... -2 ...transvestites! -1 ...not know why I am still reading this survey! 0 ...drugs! +1...whores! +2...whatever I damn well feel like! |
| 12. I hate... -2 ...cake. -1 ...Family Guy, a television show aired on Fox for several seasons. 0 ...the jackass who wrote this test. +1...feces. +2...the Reform Party. |
| 13. I love... -2 ...the Reform Party. -1 ...feces. 0 ...The David Liggins Show. Click to see what that's all about. +1...watching pornography and drinking non-diet soda. +2...cake! |
| Congradulations, you've finished the Ultimate Test of Mikism and wasted a considerable amount of your day. Now here's how you score yourself (no, I'm not referring to masterbation)...add up all the points you've accumulated, or lost, depending on what your answers were. Once you've got your total together check out the rankings on the bottom to see where you stand in Mikist ideology! And yes, you have to find your total yourself...we're too lazy to devise a way to make it easier. Vive Mikism! |
| 15 to 22 Points TRUE MIKIST You've answered the questions just the way our leadership would have! Sad, scary, and amusing at the same time...being a True Mikist has no real perks, yet. |
| 6 to 11 Points MODERATE MIKIST Not a True Mikist, but as close as most would want to come to that rank. Not bad. Not bad at all. |
| 0 to 5 Points Possible Friend of Mikism Despite some differences in opinion...we can still get along...perhaps. |
| -1 to -10 points Possible enemy of Mikism |
| -11 to -22 Points Pinko Commie Bastard |
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| Questions or comments concerning the Ultimate Mikist Test? Have a question you would like to see added on? Type whatever it is you have to say in the box below! |
