1999 ENTRY 8
Chum,
How impoverished and meagre my world would be without you in it. The beauty of sitting with you in companionable silence, a word here; a quip there.... my congenial spirit to share my dreams... Companions in beauty, intimates in joy and sorrow... perpetual inhabitants in the houses of flesh and spirit we are ourselves.
How blessed am I to number you as my dearest friend. Your gentle friendship releases me from the shadow of terror and ice that lived at the bottom of me until fear held me no more.
.
YOU do not like hurting other people yet in loving me you find that you are. Sometimes that makes you question us. You feel bad about yourself. In my soul I see and hear again our early cautions to each other. As for me and the hurts I sustain..... I walked into loving you knowing full well your situation, and accepted it and you without reservation. That has not changed.
When you are hurt
I fill with darkness
dark and pitiless
for noone can hurt you,
save myself
I look your way in the throes of a passion working in my mind and body, shaking me so blatantly that when I think of you, and find you I feel the earth falls to bits each hour between us.