26th November (Wed), sun
The first day of the start of my hectic work schedule back at my dental clinic.
So many things have changed since my study leave 3 weeks ago. The arrangement of certain items
i had so taken for granted had been moved, enthusiastic new part-timers had tendered their resignations,
a new NETS machine at the counter, the introduction of new work protocol and company visions etc etc...
Overloaded with new info the moment i came back. But i am glad my relations with my colleagues were still as amiable if not better.
Believe it or not, i was so happy to see them again! And, the feeling is indeed mutual. I was simply the centre
of attraction for the day. Ha! My boss treating me curry puff, colleagues asking me about how i had been, my exams, my new work
schedule, one even asked whether i had got attached during my 3 weeks leave. Haha! Despite the emotional labour involved
in the job, i am nevertheless, very very happy to be back. ("p)
Going for my dental appointment one year ago had to be one of the change catalysts in my life. It made me find my present
job, my present contentment. (",)
Its simply a great day today. (",)
25th November (Tues), rain
My exams ended yesterday. After 3 weeks of constant burial under books, torture is
finally over! Or so i thought.
Went for a nice dinner with Dudes, WH and Derrick @ Holland V last night after the dreadful 3101 Comms paper.
Despite the hot and spicy Thai green curry, its really been a long time since i last enjoyed a meal so much. The last time was @ Sakae sushi
with UCC gang. (",) I came home and packed my messy room till 3am.
After that, life suddenly became so empty. So meaningless. I suddenly din know what i should do next. There isn't the exams
to remind me that its time to start studying and not continue with the ever so interesting vcd. There isn't the
sometimes irritating "Jiayou" smses to jolt me out of my day dream and remind me that its time to work hard. Everything
just seems quiet. Empty. Even my mp3s dun sound as nice as before. Yes yes, its a pure psychological problem.
As what was mentioned in our Human Resource (HR) notes, think the term used was a loss of commitment. Loss of purpose. We work for the sake of working. In this case,
i am still breathing because i need to, not because there is a greater cause waiting for me to achieve. ("<)
Its so so boring. A public holiday, a well deserved break after my exams, and i am stuck at home not knowing what to do, or rather
with nothing to do. Friends are either still busy mugging away or are already out with their other
friends enjoying. Like what he said, WE ARE PATHETIC. ("<)
What to do, come to my virtual escapade and rattle on and on and lament about my life lor... Now that i have so much time
on my hands, negative thoughts never fail to creep their way into my already decaying brain cells and remind me of my misfortunes. No money,
no boyfriend, no life, no nothing. Just my laptop and me in my small room illuminated with my small study lamp with my mp3 playing away in the background.
Maybe its because i've gotton so used to being in a group now, a simple normal thing like lunching alone even makes me feel lonely.
Aiyoh... where was the independent, attitude "Me" i used to know so well? CMI.
Wait a minute, he is online too.. A public holiday and only the 2 of us pathetic souls are here. PATHETIC.
Is happiness really so unattainable? Why are we sitting here and waiting for our happiness to look for us? People
always say happiness is to be found, not to be expected. No happiness is going to come to me like that! I gotta be proactive! I
gotta be brave to my feelings! I gotta... remain quiet and be thankful we are friends. -_-"
Considering the fact that my CAII is on this coming friday, think i better start doing my FYP. Bleah. This motivation
is however, not at all motivating.
Continued @ 2100hrs
The shows on tv were just too boring. So, here i am again.
Was reading through my late entries for the past year and was feeling amusingly amazed with myself. For one, i din realise its 3 more days
to my first year anniversary to this virtual shelter. Ha! First things first,
Happy Anniversary Michelle!
I have certainly changed the past year. Based on what i had written down here last year, i must have been feeling pretty
emotionally lost then. Yet, i managed to pick myself up later with new goals and aspirations. A new boost and wake up call to my sleeping
conscience. One year later, at this very day, here i am, still feeling lost and unclear about where i am headed. Instead of having to worry
about where to do my IA, i am now faced with a more realistic problem of graduation and real time employment in a semester's time.
Worries about the future cloud my visions. No money, no nothing. How to study medicine overseas? Its like i received
a hard jostle and was shaken up from this delusion i had built up for myself all along.
Dreams are good. It made me look forward to life, something to envision myself, something to keep me in my path.
I cited a phrase then:
Don't get discouraged by life. Man had walked to where they are now because they had walked from where they were.
My path ahead of me looks blurred. Its not a straight road to begin with, and definitely not one with red carpet laid on to lead me to a journey
of success. Its seems to be bumpy. Obstacles stand in the way. I am like a runner in a race. Dying with exhaustion, tired with the journey, but so determined
to finish the course. I may not emerge the winner in the end, I will be tempted by the shortcuts that may emerge along the way, i may stumble and fall hard, but i will never give up.
I will complete my race.
Its time to put procrastination aside. Live today like there's no tomorrow. Rather than live to regret later, why not do what you want now?
We are only young once. Right?
Thought of something you always wanted to do but din? Maybe its time i did something now too. (",)
1st November (Sat), sun
Rewatched my jap serial "Overtime" yesterday. Supposed to be studying, but... sigh...
really not in the mood ah.... But at least the cute doctor in there (Kudasan) revived me. Haha!
Feel like watching the movie "15". Really curious to know this aspect of Singapore life.... My life is too boring now.
Exams coming real soon and i have not accomplished anything yet. -_-"
