NO MASK, NO LIES
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~ Michelle's Story... NO MASK, NO LIES |
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31st May (Sat), sun Busy day at Depac. But luckily, he stayed back to help us move the things for renovations tomorrow! Thanks dear!!!! ("p) 30th May (Fri), sun Watched channelnewsasia on TV mobile on my way to work this morning. And a scene caught my eye. Very significantly.
I couldn't really hear the headlines cos i was sitting at the back, but think it was about some Aceh killings. The target this time, were children. Yes. Children.
Just felt like giving my ah pa and ah ma a big big hug now and smsing all my friends and telling them how appreciated they are. Yupp.. today's just one of the days when i feel so fortunate. One of the days when i feel like spreading the message of love around. Today's one of the days. ("]) 1400: Ok... i have really been missing out a lot. A lot. I really get it now. This will be my last tear for a long time to come. 29th May (Thurs), sun Enough of reminiscence. No more procrastination. I'm (still) actively sourcing for a job after my IA now. No, i cannot afford to slack at home and do nothing for that one month break. I need to earn. Cos i need to spend. (-_-) Mm. To my potential future employers, HI! *wav wav* 28th May (Wed), sun Maybe its true. Maybe we are indeed living in a matrix. For one, i have seen similiar, if not almost identical events happen to me during the last 2 years. Me taking up something. Getting excited. New found friendship/partnership. Some reasons/factors occur. Forced to consider to give up. Gave up. Disappointment. Reminiscence. How awkwardly familiar. 1. ChronoX. My marketing head, my good friend then. Quit on me.
At least i've learnt to deal with it now. Things always work itself out in the end. Sometimes it dun. But sometimes, things do turn out better than expected. At least i'm glad i was dropped out of my OIA in the end. A little more unlucky and i might be one of the victims in HK infected with SARs. So... *phew* So i'll leave these nitty gritty stuff at the back of my mind bah. Concentrate on my path in front of me and walk it. Success will be sweet in the end. The rest wun matter then. Write a list of what i want to achieve and satisfy myself by striking the items off the list one by one. Reap my harvest. Maybe, all i am trying to be is a flame. A tiny little flame nested on a candle. Winds blow, trying to get me down, trying to put me out. I will bend, but i will not extinguish. The candle will be my lifespan. Short, but i will make it serve me well. My main motivation will be to shed some light, no matter how minimal, to people lost in the dark. To guide them back to me. I can tear sometimes too. And these tears do leave a mark. A scar in my life whenever i cry. But dun think i'm harmless. Mess with me and i will burn you. Ha 2359: Just came back from a great Jap feast at Bishan with Pei, RaX and Ceres. The food wasn't exactly fantastic, but the company was great. Its great to reminisce. Once in a while. Congrats Pei! yeah! We'll be graduating together in 2004! (",) 26th May (Mon), sun Summary of my life for the past week: Its the weather. Its making me very lazy and bored now... Blah ~ 23rd May (Fri), sun Life is more than my virtual escapade. Drop me a line if you really miss me. (",) 20th May (Tues), sun Yupp... the world is such a beautiful place! The air is fresh (er.. in some some parts of Singapore), the sun is shining (a little too much nowadays..) and the songs on the radio are just fantastic! *Cos u are wind beneath my wings...Oh.. Fly!!!!! Fly!!!!! * *hiak hiak* Confirmed my dental shift till end June. I will be working on all Tues, Thurs, Fri, Sats and Suns! and some Weds too. Sounds siong.. but hey! at least i will be earning instead of spending... heehee... Now i'm actively looking for new tuition kid (i just finished my last lesson with the nursing kid last night cos he will be having his exams next week and going for 1/2 yr attachment at SGH after that), and a one month long job to tide me over the post IA to pre-semester start period. Yupp! I can just see that new notebook now... yupp!!! yupp!!! Most of my friends coming back from their overseas attachment and SEP in a few weeks' time. Really miss them. Can't wait to see them again. (",) 19th May (Mon), sun One of the days when i wake up feeling great, good, motivated and happy. Yupp! Today's my first year anniversary with Depac! Though i may have my complaints and whims and unpleasant moments, i'm still glad i work in this big family. Thanks for putting up with all my nonsense the past year friends... (",) 1200pm: Dr Yap replied! He said: "Keep up the good work!" Yeah! Hahahaha! Will they give me a pay raise? Hmm... Hmm.... *cross fingers* 18th May (Sun), sun Oops... been a week since i updated my entries. Okok... been through and did so many things these few days! In a nutshell: 1. Went sun-tanning (twice). At Sentosa. Now like what my friend describe: roasted chicken with snake skin to make handbags to sell. Geez... really look like nepalese now... SIGH 2. Went chionging at Mdm Wong's on Wed night. Damn shiok. Heard got police check right after my friends and i left that place. Heng ah... 3. Karaoke with Fornax on Thurs. Long time classics, Long time friends. This is life. 4. Lunch with JC old time friend. She's still the same old jovial klutz we used to be. Ha. 5. Watched the Korean horror movie - White Room. No.. not good. DUN WATCH IT. Ok... that should suffice as a summary these few days. Ha Realised that i am so so in debt. My budget planning had obviously failed after the unsupposed indulgence at Lee Hwa. SIGH. So so poor now... i will need another part time job to cover these expenses liao... else no money to pay off my current notebook loan, plans for a new notebook, savings for... er... tell u all later... and some emergency cash for ... duh... emergency use lah. Hiaks Any money making lobangs anyone? 12th May (Mon), sun Happy birthday friend. I wish you happiness in all you do. (",) 11th May (Sun), sun Being exploited at work. Again. For the third time, i was made to do double or even triple person job, but still receiving the same low pay. Well... this is the last straw. My tolerance has a limit yah? Why am i always the one to be axed whenever they dun need another nurse to turn up for duty? And yet, why am i always the one who has to give in to becoming unreasonable work demands of covering double jobs when the other nurses can't turn up for work???? Why?!?!?! Just because i dun say a word doesn't mean i dun care or dun mind! It just means that i chose to give the party another chance to prove me wrong. I have been giving them chances. Once and again. I place this PART-TIME job in importance and this is what i get in return. Put me with another part-timer and i will always be the one who gets less working shifts, less pay, paid the least attention to and yet, silently endures in hope for a better tomorrow. Well, my faith has been waivered now. I love you mum. Happy Mother's Day. 10th May (Sat), sun The class outing was ... not as successful as i had anticipated. Well, guess i could only blame myself for being too hopeful. Morale of story: Life is unpredictable. Friends may not be forever.Oops... sounds pretty extreme... Glad i managed to pull myself away from that sort of life in the nick of time. No, there isn't anything wrong with clubbing, just that i tend to abuse this indulgence, and the best solution would be to abstain from it altogether. (",) 9th May (Fri), rain Spent the night reading through the next chapter of my unfinished book. Yes, I AM A LUCKY GIRL. I have a great family who supports my decisions, friends who stand by me (hopefully), and most proudly, a stubborn and fiery attitude that never say die. Hostile attitudes from colleagues (some), unappreciative gestures from those who dun understand... well... i'm numb to it liao. I can't please everybody that's for sure. So, i'll just stick to being myself. Give me all the stares and hostility u want. I'll play my own game this time. Guess Dave really taught me a lot. Survival skills at least. The attitude to stay up when others force you down. I cry sometimes too... but its getting harder to start now. One day, my tears will stop. Maybe that's the day when i should really lament at my life, cos i would have been a cold-blooded, emotionless dummy by then. I'm happy with my life for now. I work hard for my own money, and i reap my harvest the way i want it. Total independence. I do what i want, whenever i want. Even my parents can't do much, cos they know i run my own life. But, i know they are secretly proud of me. Proud of having a daughter who managed to get so far all by herself without much help from them. Proud of having a daughter who plans for their future. I'm proud of myself too. Certain things have gotton me down before. I have shed wasted tears for useless causes before. I had my fair share of failures. I had times when i feel like giving up, I had times when i felt that the world was against me. In the end, I will get what i want, in due time, sometime. Call it an obstinate resolution. I prefer to call it determination. I amaze myself sometimes. 8th May (Thurs), sun Woke up with a "dirty" dream last night. In my dream, i was escaping from some unknown person with many other refugees. We walked and walked, and couldn't seem to find a way. It was as if we were in an underground chamber.. under some tunnel or something. It was dark and the silence around us were deadly. Then, i heard the sound of running water. I led the group to where the sound came from, and there was a narrow opening down a tunnel where the water was flowing through. In the end, all of us squeezed ourselves into that tunnel and let the water carry us downstream to another dark place. Eeerie... think i saw some faeces in the water too.. machaim like in some sewerage pipe or something. After a long time and tunnels after tunnels, we finally saw light above us. But there were metal bars sealing the exit and we couldn't get out. Eee... oh no... This is a dirty and scary dream. There is only one thing i can infer from this dream. Eat less before bedtime. 7th May (Wed), sun Sigh... What is love that makes us so forlorn. What is love that makes us cry? Tired. That's all i can say. Dear friends, i wish you happiness. I may not be able to help. But, i can listen. Its gonna be a long wait to Sat... 2359: My laptop got infected with a virus today. Yes... In the end the company IT dept actually disconnected all my internet and network access cos my notebook was spreading the virus to all other users on the network. Sigh... What to do... had to send my laptop to the IT dept and get it repaired lor.... but hey! it wasn't as bad as i thought after all! I mean, there's a really cute guy in that dept! Hahahaha! Geez... he looks and is the quiet, intellectual type that is so so good with computers! Ah!!! *melting melting* Yohoo! maybe i should learn how to infect my laptop with virus... then i can get to see him more often.. Hhahaha! On the more serious note. I went for tuition last night. No, i was gobbling through my dinner and preparing to go for tuition last night, when my tuition kid called and asked to cancel it (AGAIN) as he's not feeling well (AGAIN). Alamak. Really quite pissed this time. Its not the first time it has happened, and the best thing is i had called him before i left the office to make sure that the session is still on. And he had said yes then. And trust me, he really sounded fine, and was actually asking me to buy MacDonald's for him! What the!!! I would really appreciate some notice lor!!! Tell me early, and i could have arranged for dinner with some friends instead of having to rush home and gobble down my dinner. HAIZ.("<) To relieve my bad mood, i went to Bishan. Alone. Talk about company. Sigh... called him, him and him, and they all dun want to come out. Makes me wonder why i tried calling the first place. I should have just gone shopping alone (again) and reserved some dignity for myself. Anyway, i had a great shopping time! Bought 2 pairs of shoes from Charles & Keith (got 15% discount cos of my newly applied DBS card.. HEE) and a pair of diamond rings from Lee Hwa. Oops.. er... had wanted to get one only for my mum... but, i was so tempted by the solitaire cut that i couldn't resist the temptation to get myself a post birthday present. Er... er... In the end, i left Bishan. Alone. With 2 diamond rings, 2 pairs of shoes (talk about pairs) and almost a thousand bucks poorer. Well... i needed that perk in my life... (",) 6th May (Tues), sun Maybe i should start off my rant today with a confession. I did something unforgiveable last night. And i'm sorry for it. Yes... i had succumbed to temptation. Again. I can't help it! He is sooo cute!! And too delicious to resist! Yes friends, I watched X-Men without you all... and had that sinful bowl of chendol for my after dinner dessert (again) before the show... sorry!!!!!!! Sorry pei!!!! Er.... i dun mind watching again? Er... Ohmigod! The show is so so nice! Besides Wolverine and his scruffy, manly, rugged, vicious yet kind, independent, chariasmatic and confident cool look, Mystic and her ever so cool elegance and intelligence... oh geez... the special effects and plot of the show is fantastic too! A must watch. Highly recommended. ("B) Ooops.. later found out that he hasn't watched it yet. Aiyah... he should have jioed me earlier mah... HAIZ. never mind, i will be seeing him and the rest of the great great class on sat during the class outing! YEAH!!!!!! Looking forward to sat now... HEE ("p) 5th May (Mon), sun Yupp! The start of a new week! Looking forward to some suppers and movies alongside my busy schedule this week. ("B) Practising and planning and training for a surprise now. Maybe you'll see it soon! *wink*  Sesshoumaru is your perfect match!! I guess you like those quiet, deadly types... Heh, me too. ^.~ The Inuyasha Matchmaker Quiz!!! (for dude-lovers only) brought to you by Quizilla 4th May (Sun), sun Dragged myself to work today. Too tired bah.. got home so late last night after the manchester United vs Charlton Match at Robertson Walk. Geez... almost missed my last bus... luckily for me, after some bus-hopping and some cheerful sms from him, i finally got home at close to 130am. Ok lah... SARs has definitely left its toil on my dental clinic. The number of patients we see each day is decreasing. Sigh... hope we tide over this crisis soon. *cross fingers* 3rd May (Sat), sun Woke up today feeling.. spiritually empty. So in the end, i went Bugis (alone) to the Goddess of Mercy Temple and prayed. Things seem pretty negative for me nowadays. Work-wise, projects-wise, i was feeling very restless recently ... everything seems bleak. The divination lot i got answered all my questions. It said that i am thinking of many things now and is very confused. And it asked me to take success slowly and let things remain as it is now. Er... ok... Then i saw a counter outside the temple helping people to read and intepret their lots. So i did. This uncle looked at the pink slip of paper i had and then flipped through the books and then intepreted my current status. According to him, i'm going through a pretty bad patch now. Poor health, unhappiness at work, unlucky in love as the man i like is in front of me but i dun possess him, i had encountered some ominous stuff and needed some help etc. He also said i'm a kind hearted girl, but with the strong character and bad temper. Er... ok... summarising the events for the next half an hour, i left Bugis with prayers done for me by various aunties, $56 poorer, and with 4 oranges in my bag. Er... ok.... Maybe its psychological. But i did felt better after that. Maybe money could really avert some disasters and get you what you want in life. Maybe. After the spiritual enlightenment, i went to meet Jeff. and Alfred at Orchard. Food, laughter and soccer were the main activities of the day. It was great. (",) Oh! very happy to receive his sms. Been a long time since we smsed over the phone. I wonder if the rumours between him and her is still valid... Ooo well, i better dun be so kaypoh bah... i'll wait for him to tell me himself bah. (",) 2nd May (Fri), sun Took half day off from work to go back to NUS to meet my mentor. But, he wasn't there. Sigh. So in the end, i spent the afternoon idling in the clubroom, enjoying the aircon and the small chat with some friends. And, i was informed that i din have to go for work! cos there weren't many patients and they could cope without me... so... ("<) I was wandering around Orchard, not knowing what to do or where to go. Sigh. My life is pretty 'interesting' huh. SIGH. 1st May (Thurs), rain Decided that its time i spent time with myself. So i did. For my regular readers, maybe you would have noticed that i have somewhat changed my writing style and the things i post up nowadays (the past month). Truths have somehow unknowingly become a means of record for my daily activities instead of my thoughts. Well... that doesn't mean i dun think. That doesn't mean i dun feel. It just means that i am numb to life already. So seasoned that nothing else seems exciting or worth sharing. Or maybe some things just cannot be shared. Not here at least. OOoo well.... IA will be ending soon, in 7 weeks time. How time flies. Funny how time can change one's perceptions to things. It certainly did for me. From the stubborn girl who was so sure she wouldn't come back to this IA company to work after graduation, I am now seriously reconsidering this stand for fear of being jobless in a year's time. Pragmatism never fails to influence me. Can't help it. My responsibility's too great. Wonder how many of you can actually understand or need to go through this? Oops.. there i go again. I'm fine. I'm fine. Did some calculations and analysis for the remaining 2003 and the directions i should continue from where i am now. Things still look good. Time management will still be the key word. Yupp. Clearing modules, increasing CAP, working through FYP, earning enough for my basic expenditure and some savings through my dental job and newly sourced tuition assignments, keeping a lookout for prospective employers, leaving some time off for family and misc commitments and anticipated much needed relaxation will be my plans for the next year. Michelle, you can do it! Ganbatte!!!!! ("p) I love the way the rain refreshes me everytime.
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