30th June (Mon), sun

Commencement Training I @ UCC today. I certainly am not looking forward to my own graduation. Think i will be feeling so so lost then. No directions, no job, no money. SIGH. -_-"

Dinner with Lynn and Fen @ Taka. Been a long time since i last saw them... Good luck girls! (",)

29th June (Sun), sun

Feeling dead tired today. Came back from camp yesterday morning, went back to work at the clinic that very afternoon and its back again to work the whole day today. What a life. SIGH.

Watched Charlie's Angels with him. The show's cool! Though some stunts are more exaggerated than those in Matrix, the girls are nevertheless such an appetizer. I particularly like Drew Barrymore. Her cool attitude just drives me goo-goo. Hahahaha!

28th June (Sat), sun

End of camp today. My 4th ENGIN Camp this time. New faces, new games, new committee, new councillors, new roles, new challenges, new thoughts, new feelings.

One thing never changed all these years though. And that is my belief and passion in FOC.

I miss you Chronox.

22th June (Sun), sun

Eve of Engin Camp. And i had to have a bad sore throat coming. SIGH -_-"

Nevertheless, I'm feeling so excited!!!! Hahahhaa!

3 cheers to life after IA!!! Yohoo! ("p)

20th June (Fri), sun

Ah!!! Its finally here! My LAST DAY AT IA! Ohmigosh! I am so so so excited! My life (rightfully, hopefully) should be restored to its past action and activities. Hahahhahaa!!!!! LIFE, here i come!!!!! YOHOO! ("p)

Watched "The Hulk" with him last night. The "funniest" part of the show came when there was this particular scene where i jumped in my seat and spilled the popcorn all over myself. SIGH. So malu!!!! But, yah lah... so funny!!!! Hahahha!!! He couldn't help laughing. Can't blame him, i was laughing at my silliness too. Ha!

Hope this cheers you up a little. (",)

2359: Went chionging with them at MWII. Er... Think my alcohol tolerance really cannot make it liao. Sheet... The highlight came when this guy came over to ask us to dance with them (or was it to ask us to join his group?) Anyway, I said no... Ah!!! What was i doing?!?!?!? Haahahhaaa!!!!!

Morale of story? Think i do look good in my rebonded brown hair under dim lighting/ The guy must be drunk too. Hahahhaa!!!

19th June (Thurs), sun

Had a nice sushi dinner with the "F4 - Female 4" last night at Wheelock Place. Though i said some things i never should (really dunno what came over me. SHEET. Can just kick myself), the food was good, the company was great and it was really good to see them again after so long. While some people are meant to remain as a phase in our lives, some friends however, will be the ones to be etched in your memory for a long time to come. I hope i have found these special people for me to fall back on. I hope.

Yupp. Dun think i will be looking for a full time job after my IA ends this.. TOMORROW! Think i will give myself a very much deserved break and spend some time enriching myself before school starts. Yeah, one more step towards self fulfilment. KEWL!

Some things really should know how to let go bah. Though trying hard, think this is one module i will never master.

One good person deserves another. I wish both of you the best.

Its gonna be another l-o-o-o-n-n-n-n-n-g-g-g-g day today for me. Hope he's having a good day though. Good luck bro. (",)

17th June (Tues), rain

Had a nice long chat with him last night. Thanks Wednesday darling. Ha! ("p)

4 more days to my lease of new LIFE. The anticipation is killing me...

*Killing Me Softly*
Strumming my pain with his fingers, singing my life with his words...
Killing me softly with his song, killing me softly with his song, telling my whole life with his words...
Killing me softly... with his song....

You played with my heart. You played with my mind...
But, I miss you finally.

15th June (Sun), sun

Happy Father's Day Lao Pa!

Love,

Ah Girl (",)

14th June (Sat), sun

A day of first times.

1. For the first time, a fellow colleague from our Jurong West branch came to replace a colleague who was sick back in AMK.
2. For the first time, my BOSS asked me how "the movie was the other day" and then gave me that stiffled giggle look. SIGH
3. For the first time, we went Mohammed Sultan after work
4. For the first time, i went into a high-class (okok... definitely more posh than my usual hangouts) wine bar and drank white wine with him
5. For the first time, felt that i am beginning to know him better
6. For the first time, he held my hand. SIGH. And i dunno if i should intepret it as an act of concern cos i was having a headache, or otherwise. Ah... think i must have been too shocked to react. DUH.

I am like so so confused now. SIGH. -_-"

13th June (Fri), sun

The first piece of good news since a long time. Yupp! I am awarded Silver for the Engineering Colours Awards this year! Cool! This is a good step from the Merit i received the year before... so... (",)

Finished all the past long overdue filing in office yesterday. Arranged some stuff, sorted out some files. Yah. I am determined to be a good A.O for my remaining 2 weeks here. Definitely do not wish to marr my reputation for the last 22 years.

Its a long and winding road... *singing*

12th June (Thurs), rain

After a night of reflection and positive thinking on tues, i finally found the solution.

Yupp! I can't please everybody, that's for sure. Just be myself and do my best. Ok. I will strive to be a good A.O (Admin Officer) till next fri. I will greet all hostility and attitudes with a smile. All i want is to live my remaining 2 weeks here in peace. Period.

Its finally raining today...

10th June (Tues), sun

Had our weekly meeting with my shareholders last night. Discussion was long, and i was too tired or rather too bored to concentrate. Drats. Okok... i admit it. Tuition was never my cup of tea yah? For those who know me, teaching is gonna be one of the last profession i will choose, cos unless i recognise the kid's efforts or perserverance to excel, i will simply be too impatient to teach. Yah.. its just me and my short temper.

He came up to me last night after the meeting, looking pretty much disappointed.

" How come u so quiet now ah? I roped you into this investment cos i thought you would be the one to generate ideas and motivate others to work, but now your response quite disappointing leh..."

He is right. Yes. I know. Its just that i have no confidence to handle something that i am not really passionate or know nuts about. Now they need a webmaster to do up the whatever database, and SQL and whatever nots, and i was like DUH... what are they talking about?!?! Can't blame me for switching off. I did try. I volunteered to take over the web maintenance. After some practice and last minute crash courses of course, but the motion was that we had no time and could not afford to wait for me to learn. Ok. Can't blame anyone. I did try.

Maybe he is right to leave. The reason why i had joined this venture in the first place was more of personal friendship rather than interest in the business. Based on whatever shit we had gone through together years ago in our Club days, i thought there would be nothing we can't achieve if we work together again. I dunno... i may be wrong... i have my own commitments too. I do feel ashamed when they plan our publicity distribution strategies and i won't be able to participate cos i will be working elsewhere. I put in my efforts, but it always seem to fall short of expectations. And i hate that. Cos i hate to let people down, especially so when they had put in their absolute trust for me. I can't.

I'm tired. Really tired. The plans i had formulated recently suddenly seemed so unattainable. I believe i can fly? Maybe bah.

1708pm: For the first time in many years, i was too tired to defend. Too tired to argue. I just listened. Nodded my way through the process.

My liaison officer came to visit today. Well, i should say, HR had called him to come and visit me. Yes, just me. Apparently, they had taken drastic measures to a simple mistake i made on my time sheet for last month. Confuses, let me guide you through.

Last monday was a rat race for me. Photocopying ans scanning were my main tasks for the day. So HR called and asked to hand in the time sheet. Okok... i quickly scribbled down the Mons-Fris (i think that should be correct), wrote down Good Friday for 1st May to cancel it later upon realising its Labour Day instead. Desperate to start with my task, i made a mental check: "any leave?" No. Ok. I scribbled down my name and looked for my supervisor. But he wasn't there. Sheet. So i got another senior manager to sign. Then i put the time sheet in my drawer, thinking i would hand it in after lunch (HR Dept very out of the way). Summarising, in the end, my colleague upon receiving calls from HR, helped me hand up the time sheet. Fine. Next day they called. Said they rejected my time sheet cos i din declare my leaves. OOPS. Went to check my notebook. Yah huh... there was this day when i went back to Sentosa! (Sheet.. thought that was last month) and another day where it was a company function that my colleagues said i could miss. Well, apparently. NO. Okok... i quickly did another copy, got my actual supervisor to sign and submitted it again. Ok. That should settle it. I din get any more calls from HR or anything like that. And i got my cheque the next day. So i forgot all about the incident till today. Why today? Cos my liaison officer came down, after 5 months, 2 weeks i was due to end my IA to see me. Yes, just me. he din ask to see the rest. he just came to see me. So i was called to the meeting room. He told me about the "concerns" he received from HR and my supervisor. Hmm.., my supervisor? Oh! Then i realised that he was talking about my COLLEAGUE. Fine. According to them, i had attempted fraud and had poor attitude at work. But they had overlooked this cos i was due to complete my IA in another 2 weeks. I was like... what the?!?!?! Poor attitude?!?!!? Ok!! That's new! hahaha... first time i received such a description about me. I may have a short temper, but i would dare say i'm a workaholic. So, i poured out all my grievances to my Liasion Officer. Everything. How i was made to do mindless tasks like photocopying and non-engineering work i had so desired to do, unlike the rest of my counterparts at attachment. Later, the HR manager came. Fine. So the three of us had a face to face talk regarding my attitude. Ok... i am really tired. Surprise came with every statement she made. She asked me to be punctual (er... the rest are always later then me?!?!), and to take care of my attitude for the last 2 weeks. And told me to be grateful that the company had not decided to dismiss me. Huh... ok lor.. I really can't be bothered liao. Really tired.

My Liasion officer keeps saying he understands me. My problem. But i dun think he does. He even suggested that we talk more often when school starts. maybe he wants to counsel me? Haha... well.. he can try...

This is not a good day.

9th June (Mon), sun

Someone. I dunno which X@%&*!! idiot! Called me @ 4am in the morning. Twice. I was sleeping soundly when i heard my hp ring. (fyi, I always leave my hp on 24hrs). For a moment, i thought it was the morning alarm, but hey! no! .. the call was from a private number! The caller d/c the call when i picked up the call. What the!!!!! X@$%#!*!
Then came the second time, seconds after the first call came. Idiot! This time, i could hear the idiot breathe before he/she/it d/c the call. What the!!!! I couldn't really get back to sleep after those calls, but i spent the next 15 mins replying to my received smses before i slept. DUH... What a morning to start with. SIGH

This won't stop me from watching that supposedly horror of all horror movies Ju On. Yupp, maybe i would watch the movie this fri. Er...must find someone who is willing to be "clawed" by me during the show first bah! (",)

8th June (Sun), sun

Busy day @ Depac. ZzzzZZZZzzzzzzZZZzzzz....Zzz.....

7th June (Sat), sun

Went shopping with my mum @ J8 in the morning. Had intended to buy her some new clothes or stuff she fancies, but in the end, i turned out to be the one with all the purchases while she couldn't decide on what to buy. Er...

Well, Boss was sniggering and giving me that "I caught you!" look when i went to work today... SIGH... only a movie mah... Sheet.. i still feel so embarrased now... OOPS. ("p)

6th June (Fri), sun

Had a strange dream last night. Maybe its the chicken instant noodle with egg and ham and vegetables, topped off with a slice of pineapple and a glass of grapefruit juice. Must be the high intake of carbohydrates in my "dinner". I dreamt that i was running. SIGH. I dreamt that there were many many arrows on board this cruise ship. That ship looks damn familiar also. Think i must have dreamt or seen it b4.. anyway, there were many arrows there. So i had to follow those arrows to find the exit or something like that. Some people i know were in my dream. I distinctly remember Ceres, cos she was asking me whether i want to eat hor-fun with green chilli for lunch. DUH... anyway, after much nooks and turns and crawling, finally see a place with many escalators. Got down and up escalators. My aim is supposed to go up, so of cos i cannot choose the reverse direction ones lah... but got fast forward and normal speed ones. (think i watch too much amazing race liao). so i ran up the fast forward ones. Wah biang.. i remember myself panting like sheet ah! So tiring! and so hot! (think my air-con timer must have switched off then... that's why i can feel the heat so realistically). SIGH. But finally, i got to the top. But, suddenly all the bustling people around me disappeared. Think they went to eat lunch or something like that. Aiyah... also dunno lah... the rest of the dream dun remember liao... but i woke up 15 mins earlier than usual this morning, cos i just couldn't get back to sleep again. My mind suddenly became a blank. Drats.

Today's the 3rd year anniversary for FORNAX. The bunch of friends i treasure the most the most in NUS. I wish each and every Fornaxian happiness. Fornax rules man! ("p)

2359: Oops!!!! How embarrasing!!!! Though we are innocent, but still, i am so paiseh! *blush blush*

The show is not too bad though... i will give it 3.5/5 (",)

5th June (Thurs), sun

"Ba Zhang" Day yesterday. But, still in bad mood. So i went shopping and splurged on some t-shirts and household necessities. Felt better after that. Blah...
Its gonna be a work and more work week. No break at all. Good also, no time to think of all those sad/unhappy/unnecessary things. Just go for work after IA and do more work. Then go home and eat dinner and sleep. Monotony, but its beats wandering around the streets, spending money, and yet doing nothing but dwelling on all those stupidly demoralising stuff. Yup. I'm having a good time now.

Yes its obvious. I am still pissed off today.

1159: Just had an interesting encounter @ my dental shift. Hee... This patient of our clinic (dun misunderstand, its a girl ah) suddenly came up to me. "Er... you are Michelle? From NUS?" I was shocked. I mean, not every patient would do something like that, and more so, remember my name. "Yah... er... do i know you?" I fumbled for her card and looked at her name. Aei... not familiar leh... who is she? She just smiled. When she was about to leave, i asked her again. "Er... how u know me ah?"

"You are famous in Engin mah!".

See? Its little things like these... little acts like these that make u realise that people actually see what u do. Sometimes they dun say it. Sometimes they do. But deep inside, they know. I suddenly feel so proud of my history. Despite the loss of all demure traits a lady should have, all the enthusiasm, passion and belief for the Club has paid off. Yupp.

I'm one more step towards convincing myself for a year lost dream now. Wish me luck, cos i will need that. (",)

4th June (Wed), sun

Checked my inbox early this morning to read a hostile email. To protect his and my rights, i shouldn't state his name here. Anyway, this email really pissed me. All responsibility just got shifted onto me. Suddenly it was all my fault. Suddenly it was all my doing for misleading the rest. What the?!?!?! Who do you think you are? And hello!!?!?! YOU ARE NOT THE ONE K!!! SIGH... funny how people may misintepret friendship for something else. I hate paranoism. Though i may be a subject of it sometimes.

Life can be such a contradiction. What an irony. The guy i like, or used to like is out with someone else, while the guy who is supposed to be a friend, a buddy is having doubts about our friendship. Or what's remaining of it. If that's the way life is going, FINE.

I'm feeling extremely pissed now.

2nd June (Mon), sun

He joined us for lunch today! Cool! So many admin stuff to do today. Photocopying and more photocopying. SIGH.

2359pm: Watched Con-Air. Had a long chat with her. Drank milk. Did some sit-ups. Still can't get to sleep. That "hyperactive syndrome" seems to be back to haunt me again. Feel so so tired physically, but i just can't relax or fall asleep. Dunno why too... SIGH... My brain just refuses to rest. Hope i'm not losing my mind. Hahahaha!

1st June (Sun), sun

Day off at Depac! Had been asked to 3 outings that day: movie/coffee/karaoke. But, was pretty tired and lazy... till he called. He said he needed some PROFESSIONAL (okok... just normal advice) from me.. haha... so flattered.. Hmm... long time never go IKEA already, so ok lah! Yupp! After a great bak kut teh lunch and crime drama (we actually saw CID officers in a chase scene with a tattooed man) at Alexandra food market, it was off to IKEA for some serious shopping. As usual, i was tempted by the many many things there! Wow! Really wish that i had a new home to furnish... HEE...Two hours later, we left the place with DIY shelves, shoe rack, pictures, candle holder and candles. (",)
It was then off to his place to help him assemble the stuff. Wow, think his room is pretty cool! Nice layout. Great "music entertainment system" too. Envious envious!