| 16 Reasons By Shifty Reason 1 He touched me. He's my *father*. And he touched me. Called me a slut and put those dirty, wandering hands on me. I've never felt so humiliated, so dirty...so fucking disrespected in my entire 15 year life. He's hit me before. Hell, he hits me all the time. But he's never touched me before now. Never. I don't know what got to him. Probably Mom. Probably wouldn't let him fuck her or some shit. Who knows. All I know is that I'm outta here. And I'm not coming back this time. I've run away before. Hell, I pack my bags on a weekly basis. But he always finds me. Always brings me back. Or I chicken out at the last minute. Or Elias with his stupid damn "sad-puppy-dog-eyes" makes me stay because I don't want to leave him with them. That's pretty fucked up. When you don't wanna leave you're own brother with his parents. *Your* parents. They're the whole reason I'm going, and I'm not coming back. Not this time. This time I'm serious. He won't find me. I won't chicken out. Elias will be fine with them. Everything's going to be good. The way I want it to be. The way *I* want it for once. Not the way my parents want it. Not the way Elias wants it. Not the way Dom wants it. The way *I* want it. Dom doesn't give a shit about me any how. All he does is tell me how much he hates me. How much of a pain in his ass I am. How much he wishes I wasn't around to bug him. Well, I hope he's fucking happy. He won't have to see me ever again, now, will he? Wanna hear something really damn stupid? I almost cried. *Almost* being the operative word. I never cry. Never ever *ever*. It acomplishes nothing. Not a thing. Nada. But I almost cried. I almost cried, because Dom wasn't going to care that I was gone, and I wish he wouldd. I wish so bad that he would... I can just imagine him and Elias fighting. Not over me, but using me as an excuse, probably. I don't know what they've got against each other any more, but they really don't get on at all well. It's kinda pathetic, really. See, my older brother, Elias, he holds grudges. And I'm not talking for a day or perhaps a week. He holds big motherfucking grudges and he takes them with him to the grave. He's so stubborn.... Anyway, Elias had this girlfriend, right? Um... LeShaun, or something like that. She was latino, tall, long black hair, real pretty, sweet as sugar. I liked her, actually. She reminded me a bit of Mia. Pretty and sweet and brainy. Well, she obviously wasn't *that* brainy, coz she went and fucked Dom, didn't she? Elias maintains that Dom fucked her, and I'm not so certain that he's wrong about that one, but because I like both Dom and LeShaun, I don't know who to blame. So, you can imagine the fight that came out of that one. Actually, no, I don't suppose you can. See, Dom is about 5"10, build like a brick shithouse and mean as hell when he gets going. That's a bloody rev-head eighteen year old for ya. Elias is only seventeen, but he's closer to 6 foot than Dom is, and he's built like an only slightly smaller brick shithouse than the one Dom came from. Elias has to be like that though, though. Hard ass. Strong enough to take care of himself. In my house, if you aren't, you don't survive. Chino, that's our old man, he kicks the shit outta Elias all the time, but lately, fucking hell, I doubt Elias would even flinch as Chino's belt bit into his skin. He gets this cold, unseeing look and just, turns himself off, I suppose. It came from terror, I think, and the deep fear of it returning. Like a survival mechanism, I guess. He was good at shutting Chino out. Shutting himself off to any physical feeling. He scares me when he's like that. It's almost like he's dead. Dead to this world, anyway. So, Dom fucked Elias's grilfriend. Not happy, Dom. And Elias made sure he knew that. Y'know what they did? Went at each other with fucking trolley poles. They hurt like shit, but they're not lethal. I think that's why they used them. And fuck, did they use them. Elias was more bruised up and battered than any time Chino had laid into him. Black and blue, all over. I tried to make him go to the hospital or a doctor or *something*. He had broken ribs and I knew it. Wouldn't go, though. Too fucking proud. Dom had his arm in plaster for a while. Elias broke his arm. I had mixed feelings about that. Wasn't sure if I should be upset, because my brother hurt the guy I love, or if I should be glad, because I felt so betrayed, so hurt, when I found out Dom had fucked LeShaun, and now he was hurting too. Aw fuck! Bloody fucking buses, I tell ya! Been sitting here for two damn seconds, close to the back as I can possibly get, bag between my feet, and this stupid old wanker comes over and asks for a cigarette. Tell him I don't smoke, so what does he do? Sits the fuck next to me and starts up with his life story. When he finally got off, some whore with a screaming baby replaced him. Now it's just me and the big fat bus driver. And he's lurching all over the place. Do you know how fucking hard it is to write in your diary on a bus when it's lurching all over the fucking place? Some people. Got no damn respect for anyone, I tell ya.... "Where you goin', lil' missy?" he asks, leering at me, turning his big, slug-like body in his seat to see me. I scowl at him, but answer. "City." He cocks a fuzzy, grey eyebrow at me, then turns back to look at the road before he has a fucking accident or something. I keep the scowl plastered on my face, and hunch further into the seat. I don't actually know where I'm going. I've got a kinda half-cousin who lives in the itty-gritty-city, but, I'm not exactly sure where. I've got the address, but fuck if I'd know where to start looking. His name's Pedro. My half cousin. He's...the son of my uncle's wife. He's my step-cousin, I suppose. He's not my uncle's son...Oh, who gives a shit? I have a really complicated family tree that not even Einstein could follow, so, who cares? "This's the last stop" the fat slob who has the nerve to call himself a bus driver when all he does is nudge the wheel a little to take a corner, calls down the bus at me. Yeah, wotever, slug-boy. I get up, scowl in check, grab my rucksack off the floor, and haul it over my shoulder on my way down the bus. He hasn't opened the door closest to me. Gonna make me walk my ass right down to the front of the bus. Bet you if I turned and looked at him as I go down the stairs, his eyes'd be glued on my ass. Men are such pigs. No Elias though. I love Elias. He's my brother and my keeper. He's always protected me the best he could. I remember one time, I came home late from Marc, that's Dom's dad, from Marc's garage. Chino was still up. He didn't know I wasn't there, because I'd snuck out, but he heard me coming through the front door and came to see what the hell was going on. If he'd have found me, shit, I don't know if I'd be alive right now. But Elias, he threw a plate at the wall in the kitchen. He heard me come in too. Chino stopped just before he saw me, turned around, and went into the kitchen instead. And Elias took his belt that nigth instead of me. Not gonna happen any more though. Now I'm out on my own. Not a care in the world...except I would really like to know where this street is. I want to find Pedro before it gets too late. Before all the fucking derro's come out. I look at my watch. Shit! It's almost 10:30 already... ****** Can't believe this is happening to me. I'm lost. I admit it, OK? I'm lost. Lost and starting to get cold and scared. I wish someone was here with me. Mia, who always knows what to do. Or Vince, who always sticks up for me against Dom. Or Hector, my un-biological brother. Or Marc, who's more of a father to me than Chino ever will be. Or Maricruz, his wife, who is so pure and sweet and loving. Or Elias, my keeper. Anyone. I want anyone. But none of them will come. "You lost?" Shit. Just scare me outta my fucking skin why don't you, pal? It's some white guy. Skinny, almost anorexic-looking, with spacey blue eyes and dirty brown hair. Looks like he borrowed Rip Van Winkle's clothes right after Rip's long sleep in them, and without even bothering to shake out the wrinkles before he put them on. "Nah. I'm fine" I answer quickly, and try not to make eye contact I don't need any fucking wierdo's following me or trying to attack me or attatch themselves to me or anything to that affect. I just wanna find Pedro's and get the fuck offa these streets. "You look lost" he insists. I look over my shoulder at him, and stop. What fucking harm could it do? "Uh, yeh, I'm lookin' for this place" I close the small distance between us and show him the piece of paper with Pedro's address on it. He only glances at it, then shrugs, "I know where that is. I'll show you if you want". "Yeh?" I answer. Well, aren't I a lucky lil' shit? Things keep going my way, I might just be happy here. What am I saying? Of COURSE I'll be happy here. I'm away from Chino, aren't I? "Yeh. C'mon. It's not far". He waves for me to follow, so I do. ****** "Are we gettin' any closer?" I ask. Only because this looks just like all the other backroads we've been tramping and tripping along for almost a fucking hour now. He said it wasn't far! "Yeh. It's just around the corner". Doesn't even look back at me. Lucky the light breeze is blowing his voice back to me so I can hear him. We get around the corner and there's another damn backroad. "Hey. You said.." I start, but he grabs my arm and throws me against the wall. He's strong, for someone who's as skinny as a stick-insect. I try to protest but he clamps a hand over my mouth. Damn you, stick man! He leans over to lick my throat and I knee him as hard as I can. "Fuck!" he yells, clapping a hand over his injury. Fuck? Don't think you'll be doing that for a while, pal, coz your block ain't gonna be up to it. I don't tell him this though. I run. I didn't really expect him to chase me, but he does, and it's fucking scary. I'm scared for my life. Never experienced that before. Chino's a mean motherfucker, but he hasn't got the balls to kill someone. This guy, he's fucking deluded. Screaming at me to 'get the fuck back here'. Yeah? Over my dead body, mate. I trip and stumble through a messy alley way and burst out into another street. It's not a main street, and it seems deserted, but there's a massive dumpster a few feet away. I run over there and croush behind it. "Fuck orf" someone growls. I look over my shoulder and there's a guy, about thirty or so, with someone pressed between them and the wall. Prostitute, I guess. I stay where I am though, because stick man has just run into this street. "Aw, fuck this" the sleaze groans, and storms off. I watch him head over to the car I didn't even see, that is parked a meter or so from where stick man is looking for me. "Nah, man. C'mon" the pro calls after them, and I'm surprised to see it's not a skanky little ho, but a guy. I must be more sheltered than I thought, hey? The sleaze ignores him though, and he makes a frustrated noise in his throat, then looks back at me. "Hey!" stick man calls out at the pro, just as he's about to say something to me, and he turns to look at him instead. "You see a lil' spic whore come past here?" stick man asks. Well, first of all I'll break your face for calling me a spic, mate, and I'll tear off your balls for calling me a whore! "Who is she?" the pro answers, and I stay huddled behind the bin, praying he'll cover for me, even though I probably just lost him the money he needs to survive for the rest of the week. "Have you seen her or not?" stick man sounds frustrated. I don't know why he's bothered to chase me. I wouldn't report him. Not worth the effort. Cops'd just laugh in my face either way. There's a long pause, and I'm almost shaking, I'm so afraid that the pro is gonna nark me out. "She came out from the same place as you and kept running straight" the pro says, and I close my eyes as relief floods through me. I hear stick man run off and stand hesitantly. "You owe me fifty bucks" the pro points an accusing finger at me, and I press myself back against the wall. I'm atleast four inches shorter than he is, and I'm not exactly built like Dom or my brother. He's not Hulk Hogan himself, but he could sure as shit pummel my ass. "I...I've only got thirty" I answer, "I'm trying to find my cousin. He'll give you the rest of the money". He frowns, black eyes full of liquid rage and suspicion. "Please. I'm lost. That guy... he attacked me and I've got no where to go" I try for the sympathy act. This guy reminds me a bit of Elias. He's got an accent. Puerto Rican, I'd say. Got the caramel skin tone to support that assumption too. "You want a place to stay for the night?" he asks, still looking wary of me. I suppose that's my best option. I can't stay out here all night. What if stick man comes back? "Please" I answer, and he waves for me to follow. "Wot's yer name?" he asks as I follow him like a lost little puppy, which I suppose I am. "Letty." "I'm Shaun." |