| Reason 2 I'm scared. Alright? I, Letty Ramirez, am willing to admit that for once, I am scared. That's why I went with the pro, Shaun. I couldn't very well stay on the street and wait for stick man to come back and attack me or whatever, now, could I? And... Shaun just doesn't seem like someone who would attack me, or rape me, for that matter. Hell, he's a prostitute, he should know rape inside out. I feel safe with Shaun. Atleast for the time being. He reminds me of Elias. Looking out for me. God, bro, I miss you already. I hope you're doing better than I am. "Um, where're we goin'?" I ask when Shaun heads out into a main street. I can see him better now that there's street lights and light from the shop windows brightening the street. He *is* Peutro Rican, or Mexican. Hispanic, either way. He's about...I'd say around 5"11. Maybe 6 foot. He's got kinda spikey, sorta messy black hair. Short. Kinda like V's. Actually, alot like V's, now that I'm looking at it. And he's got these cold, steely but still somehow firey ebony eyes that remind me so much of Elias... "To get some food" he replies, dragging me very fucking *rudely* out of my thoughts. He glances over his shoulder at me, "You *do* have thirty bucks, don't ya?". I nod like an idiot, and he keeps walking. I wonder why he decided to help me? Maybe I'm not as safe with him as I thought... "How come you helped me back there?" I ask, hurrying until I'm right behind him. He's quite a bit taller than I am. Could easily overpower me. I just don't get that kinda 'threatening' vibe off him. I can usually pick people straight off. I'm not getting any bad vibes from Shaun. He glances back at me again, then shrugs, "I seen... I *know* wot these streets do to people." I nod, and keep walking. It's getting cold out. The wind is picking up. And there is fucking zero shelter out here on the street. The wind is going right through my camoflage cargo pants. Shaun, the lucky lil' shit, has leather. Don't get much warmer than that, do you? "Where'd you get them pants?" I ask, looking down as the light from the shop we're passing moves across the black on the back of his leg. I suppose they're perfect for his situation. Keep him warm, but they also cling to him in all the right places. Like his hot ass that I'm *so* not looking at... "Stole 'em" he answers my question. Doesn't bother to look back this time. I suppose he doesn't really want me hangin' around. Suppose he's only gonna give me a place to stay so that he can get some sleep tonight, not feeling guilty about leaving me behind the bin for stick man to find. I wonder if he's a fag, or if he just sells himself because that's all there is to sell? He doesn't really *look* like a fag. He's got on a white shirt with 3/4 sleeves that looks even whiter against the honey brown colour of his arms. This is under a oversized silvery-gray Dirty Denim jersey that *almost* covers his ass, which I'm still trying to decide between it being a good or bad thing. Not really faggy attire, is it? Well, I suppose he is a prostitute, not a drag queen... .I'm about to ask him which way he's sexually inclined, when he looks over his shoulder. "You want Macca's or what?" he asks, voice heavy with his Hispanic accent. A little husky. Not rumbling and gravelly like Dom's, though. God, I miss him. I shrug in reply to his question. It's my money, I know, but...I don't know. I guess I don't want to upset him or something. Don't want him to drop me and be on my own again. I wonder if he'd stick up for me, if stick man happened to show? "Macca's it is then" he holds open the door to a McDonald's that I didn't even notice, and I go in. The warmth inside wraps itself around me and it's great. Great to be out of the cold. Great to be around people. I notice, as I pass, that Shaun smells nice. Cool and tangy. I guess I expected him to smell like he'd been sleeping in a trash can or like he hadn't had a shower for weeks or something... "Wotchoo want?" he asks, holding out his hand for the money. He's got a silver chain around his wrist that is gonna fall off because his wrists are too skinny, but I 'spose it gets caught on his hand. It caught the light and therefore caught my attention. I dig the money out of my pocket and hand it all over. Stupid, I know, but I wasn't really thinking right then, was I? Too busy scanning the place for stick man. God, he scares me. Those beady, shadowy little eyes watching me from that skinny little face. He's gonna haunt me forever. I just fucking know it. And it'd be my fucking luck, too. "Uh, woteva" I reply, trying to shake myself out of the trance I've just lost myself to, "I'll get a table". He doesn't even nod or say anything. Just gets in line. He's trying not to get attatched, I 'spose. Doesn't want me following him around forever. And as good looking as he is, I don't want to trail him around like a tag-along for the rest of my life either. I wonder if anyone's noticed I'm gone, yet? Probably not, hey? Probably bitching and moaning coz they think I've gone out to a party or something without telling them. Except... probably not Elias though. He's smart. He'll check through my room. Realise my best possessions and clothes are gone. He'll click on. He always does. Fuck! Why are people so damn *rude* around here? I'm sitting here, trying to think about home and Elias and Dom and Shaun just *dumps* this fucking tray on the table. I can't even *think* around him! He's always interrupting me. Thank god this is only for one night, ey? I can't *wait* to get to Pedro's! "Here" Shaun pushes a burger and fries across to me, along with the money he didn't spend. I glance over it, counting quickly as I put it back in my pocket. He's given me back the exact change from the money I gave him to get this food. Didn't nick a dime. Tart with a heart. "So, wotchoo doin' out in da backstreets on yer own?" he asks, practically tearing the paper off his burger to get to it. But, when he does get the paper off, he takes off the top of the burger, leaves it on the table, and starts picking pieces off. Onion. Cheese. Pickle. Eats it all seperate. "Um... Lookin', for my cousin's place" I say after a long moment. Must sound like a right nob. Couldn't even find my own way around the city. Shaun gets to the meat pattie and tears it up into little pieces, popping each one into his mouth. I've barely gotten my burger unwrapped. "He live around there?" Shaun asks, still concerntrating on the burger. I think he's just trying to chase away the quiet, because it doesn't seem like he's even listening to my answers. "Um, no. He doesn't. I got lost" I answer sheepishly. Don't know what I'm gettin' embarrassed about. It's just some guy I don't even know, and, hell, I bet anyone would get lost in those dark fucking backstreets! Especially with stick man after ya! "So..." he finally looks up, and I'm jealous to find that he's got better skin than me, or even *Mia*, the perfect little princess herself, "Letty... is that Leticia or Arletta?". Fuck. Had to ask a question while I had my mouth full, didn't he? Bet you he did that on purpose just to piss me off! It's a hispanic psychosis, Dom said once. All animalistic rage at *everyone* and *everything*. No fear. I wonder if Shaun's like that? "Arletta. Arletta Maria Ramirez" I answer after chewing furiously and swallowing this mass lump of burger which I just about choked on, "Wot's your last name?". "Espazido" he answers, looking back down to his food again, digging a hand into his chips, "I'm Puerto Rican. You Mexican or somethin'? Coz, yer mate back there said you woz a spic, and you look like one, too". He's putting his chips on the burger bread that he removed at the start. What the hell kinda way to eat McDonalds is that? You're supposed to pig it all up at once, not seperate it and pick at it. "Uh, yeh. I'm from El Salvador" I answer, not angry at being called a 'spic' for once, putting down my burger and grabbing a few fries. Told you I'm good with people, eh? Told you he was a butter pecan Rican. "Shaun!!." Friends of his? I sure as hell don't know 'em. There's three guys and one girl. She's pretty. Italian or something. Reminds me a bit of Mia, 'cept older. About 16, 17. She's got short black hair, about to her shoulders, and she's wearing some 'dirty-look' jeans and a black Adidas hoodie. "Sup, homes?" Shaun touches fist with the guy that reaches him first. He looks pretty young. Spanish background, maybe, but pretty far back. Grandparents, maybe. He's only got a pale-ish tan. Green eyes. Short, spikey, dark-brown hair. He's followed by a guy who actually looks pretty similar to him, except he's got brown eyes and blonde tips. He's quite a bit better looking that the first, which is quite an achievement. The last guy has shaved hair that reminds me of Dom, and dark blue eyes. He's got tattoo's on his hands and up the side of his neck, so I'd say they go all the way up his arms too, though I can't see past his jumper. "Who's da chick?" green-eyes asks. Shaun glances at me as they sit down, arranging themselves at the tables surrounding us. "Uh, this's Letty" Shaun replies, then points to the green-eyed-cholo who just asked about me, "That's Ram", jabs a thumb towards the blonde-tipped-guy, "That's Daniel", then to tatt's, "That's Boof" and finally at the girl, "An' that's Gimp". I nod, trying to swallow the mouthful of chips I've got. Green-eyes, Ram, grabs what's left of Shaun's chips, and he and Daniel dig in. Wonder what their real names are? I don't think anyone's parents would hate their kid so much that they called them Ram, Boof or Gimp, and I guess 'Daniel' is Daniel's real name. Wonder how Shaun came across these people? Wonder why they all aren't at home like they should be? Did their parents abuse them too? "We better get goin'" Shaun looks up at the clock on the wall that I didn't even notice, then back to the people who have just joined us, "Yous gettin' breakfast tomorrow or what?". "Sure is" Boof grins, "It's eggs'n'bacon day tomorrow". Shaun nods, then motions for me to follow. I stand, leaving what's left of my food, and follow him. Gimp calls out something about it being nice to meet me, and I smile at her quickly over my shoulder, careful to keep up with Shaun. * * * Never been to a squat before. Well, I suppose this isn't really a squat. Just an abandoned old building. I had to scramble around after Shaun, up three storey's, but now, finally, we've stopped. It was hard work in the dark. I don't know how he managed to find his way up here. He walks away from me, leaving me standing there like a damn idiot, then the area is lit up by a humming fluroescent light. I look around, blinking against the sudden harsh contrast of light. There's a mattress on the ground, doesn't look too bad actually, with a few blankets and some clothes strewn over it. A few personal effects in a make-shift shelf. There's a window to the left, and the whole little 'nook' is lined with massive cargo-ship boxes that are taller than even Shaun, so it's really kinda private and almost cosy. "'scuse the mess" he mutters, grabbing the clothes off the bed and instead chucking them on the floor. Shaun drops onto the mattress with a sigh, then begins pulling off his shoes. "Um, is..is there anyone else in this building?" I ask, kinda scared. I *like* my privacy. And I *like* to know that I'm not going to go to sleep one night and never wake up the following morning. And, what's to stop stick man from coming on up here? It wasn't that hard for us to get here ourselves... "Yeh. But no one on the floor. Too lazy and too high to get all the way up here" he answers, "They're harmless, though. Jus' some old derro's who can't climb the stairs coz they too pissed, and maybe some kids, but they don't come up here". He looks over his shoulder at me, chucking his shoes over to the pile of clothes that came off the mattress, "I been here a few years, and I've woken up fine every morning". Years? He's been here for years? I shiver at the thought, and akwardly put my bag down on the ground. It's kinda heavy to be lugging around eveywhere. I sit down even more akwardly, on the very edge of the mattress. It's actually more comfortable than it looks. I was expecting springs to be poking into my ass or some shit. "We can go grab a shower in the morning, if you want" Shaun says, scratching at his hair, and looking over his shoulder at me, "Then you can go to yer... cousins, was it?". I nod, still a little preoccupied with our sleeping arrangements. I feel wierd about sleeping in the same 'bed' as a guy I don't know, who's older, bigger and stronger than I am. I still don't think Shaun's like that, but, you just can't be sure these days, can you? What, with all these school-teacher-pedophiles and sexually-predatorial-cops and gay-priests and shit like that. "Shaun?" I begin after a moment, not sure how to proceed. "Letty?" he answers, his voice lowered to match mine, sounding even huskier. I swallow hard. I don't want to step on any toes. Don't want him to get mad at me. I'd rather sleep on this mattress than out on the street behind a dumpster or something. "Are...are we both gonna sleep here?" I ask, then rush to explain, "I just, I mean, I don't know you, you don't know me. I don't know about you, but I haven't ever shared a bed with a stranger...and...well, of course you have, but, I..." "You take the mattress" Shaun interrupts, getting up. He walks over to the window and sits down with his back against the side of a box, legs parallel to the dusty glass panel. It's almost like a window seat, the way the boxes are set up around it. I feel bad now. He's not saying anything. Just staring out through the dirty glass at whatever's out there. I feel like a bitch, driving him out of his own bed. Actually, come to think of it, the only *good* thing I've done for him is buy him dinner. I fucked him over while he was working tonight, I tagged along behind him like a pain in the ass, I was still attatched to him by the hip when his friends showed up, I've plagued him with questions, and now I've driven him out of his own bed because of my own fears and insecurities. And all he's been is nice to me. So, call me a bitch, then. Doesn't make me any less scared, does it? I've known this guy for the whole of, what, an hour? Can you blame me for not wanting to share a bed with him? Especially when the first guy who appeared to be kind and helpful ended up attacking and chasing me? Yeh, I suppose you can blame me... "Shaun..." I start again, and he looks over at me, "Can I ask you a question?". He shrugs and nods, still watching me, waiting for me to continue. "I don't wanna sound crude, but.." I look down, getting embarrassed. I can feel my cheeks burning. "You wanna know if I'm a fag, right?" he asks, and I just nod. There wasn't any accusation in his voice, but I still feel bad. I've got nothing against fags. They're cool. Never done anything bad to me, anyway. They're always nice and helpful and usually, the cute ones are gay, right? It's a pain when your crush turns out to have a boyfriend, but hell, can't blame them for being inclined towards guys, can you? How many cute guys have you just about *died* trying to attract? Can't imagine that fags feel any different. The main reason I've asked, or atleast *tried* to ask, is because I think, if I was absolutely sure he was gay, then, I'd be absolutely sure he wouldn't come onto me or try anything. I think I'd like him better if he *is* a fag! "Yeah, I am" Shaun says, watching me for a reaction, I guess. I look up and smile reassuringly. I don't want him to think I hate him now because of his sexual inclination. I'm kinda glad that he is gay. Atleast he's not really feminine with a girly voice and waving his hands around and shit. I suppose, not all fags are like that. Guess that's just the way they do it in the movies. "Even if I wasn't, I wouldn't have come onto you" he says, getting up and walking back over. He sits on the furthest corner of the mattress and watches me. "Why not?" I ask, not sure if I should be offended. "You're just a kid" he answers, then shrugs, "And yer not my type". I don't like being called a kid. I'm *not* a kid! Dom tells me I'm a kid all the time and it anoys me so much! I'm 15! I'm not a bloody kid!! "Oh, and why aren't I you're type?" I answer, one eyebrow raised. Shaun crawls along the matress then whispers agaisnt my ear with a smile, "Coz yer not a guy". He drops onto his side, then rolls over so that he's against the other edge of the mattress. His breathing shallows almost immediately, and he's asleep. Well, I can't complain any more, can I? He's certainly not gonna try anything. I kick off my shoes, grab one of the blankets from between me and Shaun, and curl up underneath it. It seems like forever, but finally, I dift off to sleep. |