The COPYRIGHT of the following parody is exclusively owned by Donna Bear. She composed the following parody in 1998.

JORDAN IN THE ZONE

 

Jordan Parody

It was April 29th; it was the spring of 98,
And the playoffs had begun, although our Bulls weren�t looking great.
They had squeaked by in the first two games, then hopped onto their jets,
Flying off to face Game Three, against the young New Jersey Nets.

Hope was high on the agenda for New Jersey�s Nets that day.
Though the first two games were losses, they had 2 home games to play.
Their forward, Jayson Williams, even talked of a �Game 5�,
As if he truly thought his Nets could get that far - alive.

Yes, the Nets were feeling spunky with Van Horn back from the flu.
And though Cassell�s groin wasn�t healed, he wanted to play, too.

 

Their fans were pumped and ready for the home fight to begin,
And celebs like Billy Crystal rooted for the Nets to win.

As the Bulls stepped on the Nets home court, they heard loud shouts and jeers.
But that was just New Jersey�s coach, preparing his team�s ears.
Calipari gave his team a talk, in his loud Jersey style,
Yelling, �Stick their *#^!#* Air Jordans up their nose. And don�t forget to smile!�

Well, the game began quite normally�both teams had come to play.
And the Nets might still be in it, had it gone some other way.
But it soon became apparent, from the first time Michael shot,
That the Bulls would not be losing to some young New Jersey snots.

 

There was ease in Michael�s manner as he neared the three point line.
He wore his black Air Jordan shoes - �DA MAN� was lookin� fine!
And then, despite the noisy crowd, Mike barely broke a sweat.
Just pumped his wrist and faded back and SWISH - nothin� but net.

It was only the beginning, for �DA MAN� was in �THE ZONE�,
Every time the ball would touch his hands, the crowd would start to groan.
He�d SWISH it left, he�d SWISH it right, it didn�t matter where.
(Not bad for someone 35 who hasn�t got no hair.)

From the floor seats to skyboxes, there arose a whiny roar:
�Refs give you special treatment!�
�You�re a ball hog!�
�Glory whore!�
�Retire, Michael Jordan!� shrieked one man, as Mike found net.
Jordan placed a finger to his lips and whispered,
�Shhhh. Not yet.�

He showed Nets fans what Bulls fans know, one very simple fact:
The Bulls team packs a weapon, and that weapon�s name ain�t Shaq.
It ain�t Karl, or Pat or Charles, it ain�t Keith or Tim or Penny.
It�s �DA MAN�, and when he�s in his zone?
There�s no defense. Not any.

Yes, he gave those Nets no mercy, as he whipped them on the floor,
And with help from Rodman and Burrell, the Nets were bruised and sore.
By the time the buzzer sounded, and the game was finally done,
It was Bulls: One Hundred Sixteen. And the Nets: One Hundred One.

While the story doesn�t end here - and the second round begins -
Still I feel we need to savor every game and every win.
For each one could be the last time (when it is - you�ll hear me moan),
The last chance to watch the miracle...
Of Jordan - in the zone.

 

 

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