"Wasting away in
Margarittaville" - Jimmy Buffett"Wasting away in
Margarittaville" - Jimmy Buffett
At about km 100 night falls. We're kind of worried, as we
still have a couple of hundred kilometers to go, and driving in
Mexico after dark is a dicey thing at best, besides the
electrical system on the motor home was acting up again. Russ had
to have his finger on the power boost switch the whole way.
We arrive in Cabo, and can't find the motor home park. I
eventually get out, and flag a cab. We have the motor home follow
the cab to the park. We tell the driver to wait, park the beast
and all jump in the cab. We're off to the mythical Cabo Wabo!
Cabo Wabo. Empty. Not a single patron. Huge cover charge. Loud,
Dark, and Empty. Never going again. We instead head to El Squid
Roe, a bar that reminded me of Carlos O'Briens in Puerto Vallarta
(for good reason - Same owners and managers). An inside-out bar;
Way fun. After we leave, we stop and buy hot dogs from some woman
with a cart. We ask her why she's working on Christmas, and she
says she needs the money.
It's Christmas day! Ho, Ho, Ho. We stumble out of the motor
home at about noon, and I proceed to cook up a Mike's Mess. ie: I
throw huge amounts of bacon, eggs, potatoes, chilies, onions,
garlic, abalone, thyme, oregano, bay, parsley, more chilies, and
tons of grease into a cast iron pan and cook it up. Everyone
agreed that it was the best hangover cure known to Mexico.
After breakfast we raise the canopy, and break out the toys. 4
mountain bikes, 8 scuba tanks, 16 wet suits, 2 surfboards, 4
boogie boards, an ATV, a Zodiac inflatable speedboat, picnic
table, chairs, Weber Bar-b-que, and a meat smoker. We had the
whole RV park staring at the amount of toys we brought with us.
To quote an Italian friend of
mine, "We have arrived".
We spend the next three days diving, surfing, and womanizing.
What a great life.
We took the Zodiac out to the cape that afternoon, and went to
see the Sand Falls. The Sand Falls is something unique to Los
Cabos; at about 150' under the surface there is this sand
waterfall that is wonderful to play with. From that depth, Russ
and I looked back at the surface, and we could see Crazo floating
around next to the boat! What great visibility. At the end of
this glorious day, disaster struck yet again! the wheels on the
Zodiac broke off. We had to seek help from the other denizens of
the RV park.
The next day (after yet another night at El Squid Roe) we decided
to try a different dive spot. this time, Russ got some bugs. Big
ones. Eatin' kind of bugs. Since this was technically poaching,
Russ used his dive knife to sever the tails whilst we were still
under water, and stuff the eatin' part (the tails) into his
wetsuit. You should have seen the size of the Parrot fish that
showed up to dine on the heads! Bigger than my dog!
Our last day in Cabo, we decided not to head back, but rather
to call into our respective employers and claim that we had
broken down, and were waiting for a part. That would allow us to
take an extra week and continue on down to Mazatlan. So, we took
a leisurely day and headed out to 'The Giggling Marlin" for
dinner. We were hopeless. Completely wasted, and trying to score.
Not a sober woman in the place would have anything to do with us,
when in walks the group that had helped us out when we were
broken down on the beach!
One of the group was a Yugoslavian named Esther. We hit it off,
and within minutes of meeting were cuttin' rug on the dance
floor. She then surprised me by attempting to remove my tonsils
with her tongue! Well, we can't have that kind of thing go on in
a public place can we? So we head out and catch a cab to the
nearest beach for some private snogging. The taxi driver was
having a hard time understanding me (I could barely speak;
combination of being drunk, and trying to talk with Esther's
tongue in my mouth) so we ended up back in the RV park.
Once at the RV Park, we were sitting by the pool, and Esther
Stripped down to her nickers and slipped in. I doffed my t-shirt
and joined her. This little Mexican girl comes up to us, and
wants to sell us some Chicklets. Esther for reasons still unknown
to me (perhaps some bizarre Yugoslavian custom?) removes her bra
and hands it to this child, who then runs over to our motor home
and hangs it on the antenna (here it remained until Arizona).
Well, I couldn't very well have Esther half-naked in semi-public
could I? I take full advantage of the situation, and since she
couldn't get back into her motor home until her family arrived,
took her into ours.
Russ, Abe, and Craig arrive back later that evening, not 2
minutes after Esther gets dressed (in Craig's clothes I might
add) and goes back to her motor home. They would not believe that
she actually came back here with me, until the next morning, Abe
awoke with a dirty condom stuck to his pillow!
So, I get up earlier than everyone else because I'm out of
clean clothes. All of the washing machines at the RV park are
taken, so I end up washing them by hand. What a pain in the ass!
It now starts to rain. We decide to git out while the gitin was
good. And head back to La Paz, where the ferry to Mazatlan is. At
KM101, disaster strikes yet again! To quote Crazo "We just
joined the fucked club!" Yes, we broke down again. More
electrical problems, and the muffler fell off. Fuck. We
are literally in the middle of nowhere; 1/2 way between La Paz
and Cabo San Lucas.
We decide to split up and have Abe and I hitchhike back to Los
Cabos in search of a tow truck. Abe and I get picked up right
away by a Mexican family in a vintage AMC Pacer. They turn off,
god knows where and let us out. Remember it's raining. We then
get picked up by a stake bed truck that recently carried pigs.
Remember it's raining. Do you know what wet pig shit smells like?
Well, I do now. It's not pleasant. Eventually, we arrive back in
Cabo San Lucas, wet, and smelly. It NEVER rains in
Baja. Why now?
We ask everywhere for a tow truck. Everyone says that the only
tow truck in the whole state of Baja California Sur is in La Paz.
Shit. We hitch hiked the wrong direction. Suddenly, I notice a
sign; "No Estacionarse; usamos una grua" which means:
No parking; we tow. It has a phone number! Eureka! we are saved!
We call the phone number. It's the police station. Yes, they have
a tow truck. Abe and I head on down to the police station. What
fools! Two gringos, without ID (it was back in the motorhome),
wet, dirty, and smelling like pig shit saunter into a
Mexican jail. Brilliant.
It turns out that the policia were very nice. They called their
tow truck for us, and Abe disappeared back to Squid Roe to wait
for our return. The grua shows up. It's a toyota. A 1964 Toyota 4
cylinder pickup. With a winch. We have a 38' long motor home that
weighs about a gazillion tons. With a trailer behind it to boot.
I decide not to press my luck, and keep this little bit of
information to myself. I climb in with Pedro and Juan, and off we
go to kilometro ciento-uno.
It's night time. It's raining. The dirt roads (remember them?)
have turned into arroyos. I ask Pedro, ¿Por que ustedes no usar
los lumines? (Why don't you turn on the lights?)
Este camione no tiene lumines que trabajando. (This
"truck" does not have lights that work)
Oh! Oh! Oh! This is good. No windshield wipers (Did I mention
that it was raining?), no lights, kareening down flooded
dirt tracks at about a million miles an hour. I sure felt safe. I
told them to pull over, and bought them windshield wipers
and lights.
When we get to the motor home, Russ and Craig have emptied the
trailer and put everything (including the ATV) into the
motorhome. How they managed that I don't know. Pedro had us
running again in minutes. GOD BLESS PEDRO!
We returned to Cabo, and found Abe with 4 women, drunk as a
skunk, waiting for us in Squid Roe.
Tijuana,
Ensenada, and Points South! (Part I) |