"The Baja Blues" -
ChrisWith last springs ride being
such a party, Chris got a little ambitious and made reservations
way early. Chris's prompting got us to gather our gear, finalize
our reservations, and prepare our guts for the tequila consuming
fest to follow!
We're all set. We're psyched. It's Friday morning, and we're
leaving at lunch for the airport. I pop down to Aaron's office
and ask if he remembered his passport (Santanu didn't). He
replies: "Of course I have it; I'm an experienced
traveler"
We head off to the airport, and are running late due to the
immense amount of traffic.
When we rrive, Aaron realizes that he forgot his passport! It's
still sitting on his desk. Luckily, our plane is delayed, and
Aaron quickly calls work and asks Alice, our secretary to run it
down to the airport for him.
Alice makes it just in time, and Aaron, sweating bricks is one of
the last people to board the plane.
This time, even though we still finish every bottle of Tequila on
board, we don't get voted "The Fun Row". The other
passengers complain loudly about my singing, and the stewardess
(not as fun as the last one) asks us to stop. We of course ignore
her.
After we land, Howard and I crawl into a shuttle to go pick up
the van, whilst the others get our luggage. The shuttle crawls
it's way to the rental agency. Over an hour later, after a
bazillion stops, we make it to the agency, and pick up the rental
car, which I must say Tom did an excellent job of arranging.
Before we left the rental agency, they let us remove the back two
rows of seats! And gave us duct tape to secure some (now empty)
Tequila bottles to the front as hood ornaments.
We still have over an hour to go before Tom arrives, so we head
back to the airport to pick up the rest of the clowns. When we
arrive, they're all lit and we decide to wait for Tom at
Pure Platinum, a "Gentlemans Club".
Tom arrives, and as Abe and Perry flew down the night before, and
refused to meet us at the airport; He didn't want to ask his
brother for a ride (but he didn't mind asking us to drive to La
Jolla to pick his happy ass up) we head up to get the Rabbi.
We make the usual stop at Lucky's for water and film. I also
purchase a cassette recorder to tape the fun. After listening to
the tape, I havn't a clue why the rest of the guys didn't pull
over in the middle of the desert and dump my obnoxious ass out on
the desert floor, but hey, it was all fun wasn't it?
As we pull into Rosarito, admidst a to be unnamed team members
constant drunken bellowing of "Let's just check into the
hotel, and go out and fornicate before crashing" (hint: it
wasn't me) we spy a liquor store that had a big sign in the
window "Se vendre cigaros Cubanos", so we of course
stop and patronize this establishment.
Whilst trying to bargain with the proprietor, I was sabotaged by
the other guys. There was no way I was going to be able to
bargain the guy down admist "Wow, but look how fresh they
are" and "Jeeze, Mike, they're cheap enough
already". Butheads.
Perry is anxious to get to the hotel, and Howard tells him
"We have confirmation; don't worry"
Obviously, Howard does not know how the Mexican Hotel system
works. A confirmation just means that if you don't show up, they
can still bill your credit card; it's no garauntee that the room
you reserved looks anything like the one you will end up in, or
even that an empty room exists!
Chris had reserved 3 "Ocean View Suites" for the nine
of us. There is no such thing at The Rosarito Beach Hotel, and
while the rooms that we ended up in had ocean views, they were by
no means suites, and they were more expensive than the
ones we had reserved.
Ok, we get up early, but not as early as last time.
Head over to the Salty Dog for breakfast. This time, they won't
serve us. Off we go!
We quickly get separated, and I end up riding with Tom most of
the way to the hill, and as usual I start to look for girls, and
Tom takes off. At the top, I run into Aaron. We start some
serious scamming. One girl rides by, and I look back at her very
obviously, and say (loudly) "See Aaron, I told you";
She gets a little self conscious, and rides up and asks
"What?"
I reply "I told him that this ride was full of
beautiful women!"
As corny as it was, she fell for it, and talked our ears off all
the way to the next restaurant, where we stopped for a beer.
Ok, we are now halted. Tom shows up. The girl we
just met (Amanda) has a friend who now peddle's up. Her name is
Mo. Her email address is GoMoGo! So the chant has begun. Go Mo
Go!. The 5 of us, now joined by two guys with Barbie dolls on
their helmets The barbie doll heads take off, and Tom disappears
(he's in a hurry to catch the cruise ship crowd at Papas &
Beer).
Aaron and I know a good thing when we fall into it, we glom on to
these chicks, and begin to enjoy ourselves immensely.
So, we end up at the fiesta. Who's playing? None
other than Carlos Santana's band! Killer. We all get thrashed,
and Amanda yanks Mo's shirt off. Generally
have a good time before the bus ride home.
Aaron and I are the last to leave the fiesta. We
find a bus, and get on it with Mo and Amanda. It's dead silent,
and about to leave. I quickly save the situation by bribing the
bus driver to wait a moment whilst I run out and buy a round of
beer for the bus.
Well, did that ever go over well! Before we'd even
left Ensenada, another rider, cheered on by the 4 of us, bribes
the driver again to stop, and this time comes back with Tequila!
We shortly have the whole bus doing the Tequila song, Mo is doing
a strip tease while singing 'Happy birthday, Mr. Bus driver', and
we are partying!
Things don't calm down much, everyone is giving a cute little
blond girl named Trace a boatload of shit, I puke, and Aaron
bribes the driver again so we can stop and all piss. As we turn
around the side of the bus, what do we see? But Trace and some
guy; and Trace is giving him a blow job!
That night, I crash early, but understand that that night,
everyone else runs into Torre! He said he might make it, bet wi
didn't know for sure. The next day we all head down to Papas
& Beer.
We again run into Torre there, and two very slutty girls.
Torre is dirty dancing with one, and Tom is attempting to make a
move in on the other. Aaron and I decide that Chris needs to get
laid, and call Tom over to us to ask "Hey Tom, What's the
capitol of Iceland?"
Before Tom can recover, Chris has moved in. We later find out
that these two brainless wonders, are professional exotic dancers
from Riverside.
It's now deemed time to head back to the USA. Howard is
attempting to be a party pooper, and does not want to stop for
beer. We beet him to it, and get it anyway. As we approach the
border, Chris jumps out of the van, shouting that he had to take
a piss, and disapears. where the fuck did he go? I was
concerned that Chris had decided to pee in a Tijuana alleyway,
and got arrested. His wallet and Passport were still in the van.
I had to fight with the other guys to get them to go back and
look for him. He never showed up.
We finnaly gave up, and went back to the airport. I waited
there for Chris, if he missed the flight I was going back to
Mexico to look for him. The other guys went to Pure Platinum to
watch some strip tease.
Guess who they found there?? The elusive Mr. Schefler! Whilst I
was waiting for him and worrying, he was stuffing dollar bills
into the underwear of gorgeous women!
The
Iron Butt Club |
