As I prepare to leave the house for school, I realize I feel more tired than usual. Oh no, I think, today must be one of those days where the medicine doesn�t work as well or as quickly. I try to forget about it and go on with my day; this is not the first time this has happened, so, in a way, I am somewhat used to it. You see, I have myasthenia gravis, a disease characterized by progressive weakness of voluntary muscles, caused by an autoimmune attack on antibodies in the neuromuscular system. To control the disease as well as possible, I must take medication regularly, four times every single day.
By the time I get to school�when the medicine should have started kicking in�I can barely keep my eyes on my first-period math teacher for more than several seconds. It is just too hard to keep my eyes level for any longer. If I did try, my eyelid would literally droop, and I would have to resort to raising my eyebrows in an attempt to keep my eyes open. Although my eyes are the only part of my body that is affected by the disease, it makes me feel unbelievably tired, and I just want to lay down my head and rest. Unwilling to let the disease control me, I force myself to keep my head up and pay attention, even if I have to constantly look down at my paper for several minutes in an attempt to give my eyes a rest.
As I walk from class to class throughout the day, my friends keep looking at me and exclaiming, �You look so tired!� I simply shrug and smile, not wanting to go into detail about why I look so exhausted. I would rather let them think that I did not get enough sleep the previous night instead of having them pity me.
When the day�s last bell finally rings, I rush to my locker and then to the parking lot where my mom is picking me up to go to the neurologist for my six-month check-up. �Do you have a lot of homework today?� my mom asks. �No,� I reply, �I finished most of it already because I knew I wouldn�t have that much time today after we get home.� My mom quickly glances at me and smiles; she is obviously pleased that I have learned to manage my time. Her glance then turns into a worried gaze, and she tells me I look extremely tired. �Go to sleep now. We probably won�t be there for another hour, so get some rest now,� she tells me. I gladly lean back in the seat, close my eyes and drift into sleep.
After about a forty-five minute drive, we finally reach the hospital. Fortunately, we do not have to wait long, and Dr. Sankar comes in and goes through the usual routines of making me follow a pen without moving my head, asking if I see double, and testing the strength in my arms and legs to see if the myasthenia has worsened and begun to affect any other part of my body. During the �pen test,� I struggle to keep my eyes on the pen without looking away to rest my eyes, but it is near impossible. My eyes begin tearing, both from the fact that they are so tired and from the thought that has crossed my mind more than a hundred times since I was diagnosed, I wish I didn�t have this disease�I wish I was as healthy as everyone else. Dr. Sankar immediately puts away the pen and gently begins telling us of new ways we might try to control the myasthenia better. �You don�t have to decide right away, but it�s just something to think about. You can call me anytime you decide, and we can start you up on the new medication. And if you don�t like it, it�s okay. We can stop it immediately and you can go back to the old one,� he says. I think about this and wonder about its effectiveness. One of the possible side effects is weight gain, and, like the typical teenage girl, that is definitely not something I wanted to hear. �Yea, okay�we�ll think about it,� I say slowly. My mom nods in agreement, while Dr. Sankar gives me a reassuring smile and tells me there is nothing to worry about. My case is not nearly as bad as the other patients he has, and since the myasthenia has been stable over the years, it is unlikely that it would suddenly worsen. After thanking him, we head out the door and go home.
On the way home, I close my eyes and think about my day. It actually was not that bad, once I sat down and really thought about it. Even though some days might be amazingly hard, I get through them, and they have made me stronger. Feeling a sense of accomplishment, I anticipate the next day�the next challenge.
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