How many people do you know that you can say are truly happy?
When's the last time that you've kicked up your fucking heels in the air, popped a mentos into your fucking mouth and thought to yourself "Gosh, life sure is swell!"

It just seems like I've heard it all before and seen it all before. What I want is something new. Life experiences that make the mind boggle and make you feel like life is worth living. I want to be electrified and have surges of emotion and adrenaline pumping through my veins making my body tingle with feeling.

I was reading in the newspaper today that in 30 years science will have advanced far enough that we will be able to control our own evolution. Basically, we will be able to modify the genes in our bodies to do what we want them to. Now this just opens up a whole can of worms, but it is inevitable. We'll be able to clone ourselves, modify our organs, intelligence level and bodies. Don't want to work out to gain muscle? No problem. Take this pill each day for a few months and you'll grow into a new, stronger body. Hey, I'm all for that. The lazy mans evolution.

I want to know what makes life special and what makes it worth living. For a lot of people that don't have a significant other, and for a lot of those that do, they still feel alone most of the time. Makes me think of the Led Zeppelin song "Communication Breakdown." I think it goes beyond communication, all the way down to human instinct. The fact is you never really know someone as well as you think you do. We tend to think that we are so super-evolved, when really we're not. We're just hairless apes, who, as luck would have it, developed the abilities to control our own fate to a certain extent.

It's hard to imagine living in a world without antibiotics, electricity, pentium processors and silicon breasts. No running water or light bulbs or telephones. The fact is half of the worlds population still has never even used a telephone. Half the world has never felt like strangling Bill Gates for making an inferior operating system that crashes right in the middle of the best part of your favorite porn movie.

For a world so complex the truth is that humanity is really quite simple. What more do we need than food, water, shelter and love? Most of us are so caught up in our day to day life of working in the machine that we forget how to enjoy life, and we forget that the best things in life truly are free. The simple things. The small joys that we get out of living that make things feel like it's worth continuing to do. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

Every answer I'm given in life just makes me ask more questions. Fuck that bullshit that they told you in school, "YOU'RE SPECIAL!" Bullshit. You're not. I don't think I'm special, superior or smarter than anyone else. We all may be unique, but that doesn't mean special. This whole social structure of status, class and wealth is a crock of shit. It's all just based on luck and who you blow and/or know.

Humans have been debating our purpose in life for centuries. I'm positive that every single question that I have asked about life has been asked before, it's just the answers that change with time.

Depending on where you live or what time you lived in, you'll get a different answer. Some may say that living a good and honest life to appease God is the purpose in life. Others may laugh at that and say it's the biggest crock of shit they've ever heard. Some say that living a good and honest life to help the people that will live here in the future is what the purpose of life is. Others may laugh at that as well. I don't know what the purpose is, but I'm going to try my hardest to enjoy the short time that I do have here.

Then again, what if you just don't give a fuck and don't believe in God? I mean, we are programmed to believe since we're kids. Don't believe in God? You're going to suffer in a lake of fire for eternity! Follow my rules, OR ELSE! Religion is mind control. Spirituality isn't
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I feel very fortunate that I was able to ignore this whole China/Spy Plane incident, as it was just a great way to stir up hatred for each others countries. Nothing more, nothing less. I hate getting involved in political debates as it's just a pointless waste of time. It's almost impossible to change someone's mind once it's set.

I wouldn't be too worried, as America will have the last laugh as they infect the so-called Communists with their horrible pop culture that will eat them away at the inside and make their society crumble. They did it to Russia, Japan and Germany. Why not China? I say send Britney Spears on a three month tour of the communist land, and next thing you know all the chicks will be dying their hair blonde and stuffing their bra's with egg rolls. It's the truth. Trust me on this one. American pop culture is more damaging than if they were to drop their entire nuclear arsenal on them at once.

I urge everyone to fight for social justice and try to help destroy conventional thinking. Smoke pot. Destroy racism. Don't judge people by their looks, religion or any other worthless characteristic. Be humble and remember how meaningless your life really is. Our minds are fucking pea's, and our lives worthless piece of dust in the grand scheme of things. People who judge other people by the colour of their skin, where they were born, or any other trait are just ignorant fucks.

Being different is better than being the same. Being white is not better than being black. Being white is a fucking curse. Christianity is a big lie and the Church is the biggest corporation in the world. The government is lying to you. Television is a waste of time. Think for yourself. Always use a condom when you're fucking someone. Those are just some of the things that pop into my head while writing these words. We all descended from apes, and we are all still primal animals running on instinct.

Also, don't take these writings so seriously. It's main point is to be an enjoyable waste of time. I don't post serious issues here too much because there is enough of that elsewhere on the Internet. Laughing is very important, and a great form of stress relief. Remember, your future is in your hands. Meat may be murder, but it tastes SO GOOD.

I'm a very angry person. Stupidity just really pisses me off, and when I see people praising racists and embracing hatred it just makes me so fucking angry that I have to channel my anger and say something about it. I know you're all usually used to me joking around on this diary, but I felt obligated to speak out against racism.

On the stupid topic of religion: I am Atheist. I don't practice any form of religion whatsoever. I think religion is the number one cause of war and death in the world, and I don't want to have anything to do with it. To me, organized religion = mass hysteria and learned ignorance. So keep your racial slurs and bigoted opinions to yourself. There is one thing I wont tolerate and that is racial and religious prejudice. We are all the same bags of fucking water and flesh, and when we die we all decompose the same way. So if you think because your skin is pale that you are better than someone who has a tan, you deserve to be shot. Simple as that.

An animal is found at the side of a road. It has been hit by a car and is dead. Two white adolescent males take the carcass home with them. They proceed to skin it, then video tape the skinned cat "dancing". This gives them pleasure. They then proceed to make keychains out of the cat's paws. Why they would do this is beyond me.

We are under the assumption that all animals are innocent. They do not have the mental capacity to form the concepts that we as humans value, admire and hate. Ego, love, dismay. They may experience these emotions but to a far lesser degree. This is just the way it is. I as a person feel that all animals are innocent creatures, much like a newborn child. An empty slate with a limited learning capacity. But one grows into a sentient being while the other is considered to be dumb.

Each day we consume the flesh of a dead animal. Lamb, Cow, Chicken, Shrimp, Lobster, Fish... we are carnivores. We need the flesh of others to fulfill our desire of having a full belly at the end of a day. We hunger for the flesh.

We are all hypocrites. We shun the fact of seeing a mutilated animal, when daily, hundreds of thousands of animals are mutilated, destroyed, put to sleep, slaughtered. All for us. All for us to consume. To eat, to enjoy. Then later to shit out into the toilet while thinking to ourselves how tasty it was. Maybe to talk about it with our friends at the bar over a pint of beer. "John, I ate the most delicious slice of cow today. It was roasted and so succulent and juicy".

Hundreds of thousands of animals are put to sleep each day but no one cares. Hundreds of other animals are slaughtered so we can fill up our bellies with the flesh of another. But god forbid little kitty is hurt. Precious, innocent little kitty. Never hurt nobody. Never asked to be born... never asked to have been hit by a car.

Over 50,000 humans die daily. Where are your tears? 50,000 last gasps for air.. Clinging to your shit stained and piss drenched blankets while waiting for that final moment. I wish that I could be one of them. Tonight. I want to let it all slip away.

Humanity makes me feel sick. I go outside and see people. All different kinds of people, it doesn't matter where they are from or what they look like... they are all the same. They smell, they are loud, they are selfish and egocentric. The stink of sex, pheromones, flatulence, overpowering perfume. Destroying nature one car at a time. Talking talking talking fucking fucking shitting pissing... anger violence pain tears rage suicide. We only care about making money. We like to fuck. We only care about having nice clothes and the latest of every McLinux.

Sometimes your life gets so distorted that you can't see the contrast of white on white. Blood, spit, anger, pills, flesh, fucking, money, rage, fear, love...

Then you step back and laugh. I mean really laugh -- hard.

Like a warm breeze has washed over your body cleansing you of any guilt and fear you might have had in the past.

You then realize how utterly meaningless this all is.

Your mind is now clear.

You now know that the war against yourself has come to an end. Nobody has won, nobody has lost.

Silence.
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Every day tens of thousands of people die. If you're lucky, you'll get on TV when your turn comes. That's what it's all about, right? Getting on TV?

What the hell is wrong with this world when a kid feels he has to bring a gun to school and kill because he's so sick of life and so sick of being tortured day after day that he can no longer cope with having the shit kicked out of him on a regular basis?

I feel like I'm trapped watching some bad movie; the retarded offspring of Heathers and Natural Born Killers, except Oliver Stone isn't directing and I'm on really bad acid... Throw in a little Clockwork Orange and Full Metal Jacket, and there you have today's society, all nicely packaged for mass consumption on the nightly news.

Our culture worships violence, sex and greed. You can almost hear the cheers from the audience as the body count piles up. Most people that I've talked to don't even care about the recent school shootings and just say to me that they wish they could see the video of it. Hell, I'll be honest with you, I wish I could see the video.

When we push people to their limits day after day, don't you think that they'll eventually crack? Reminds me of that kid Gomer Pile from Full Metal Jacket. They constantly torment him and beat the shit out of him, and one day he just loses it and starts to kill.

Kill, consume, destroy, fornicate, die. Unfortunately it's not that simple. There's always a price to pay, and for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

The lucky ones realize that life is about much more than what we see on television and in magazines. The lucky ones realize that you don't have to be a good consumer and follow the rules to be accepted and liked by your peers. The lucky ones realize that it's OK to just be yourself.

Who knows what to make of things these days -- our culture is just one big sadistic freakshow. I think that the media is just as guilty as the murderers because they plaster their faces everywhere until the killers become household names, celebrities of death, potentially inspiring others to do the same. It's sending a message out to people that if you murder someone you'll become famous. And being famous is cool, right? The more people you murder, the more famous you'll become. The more people you shoot, the more air time you'll get on the nightly news, the more people will see your face.

With the most recent High School shooting (there have been two in the last week) two people died, thirteen injured. When the shooter was captured, he looked into the cameras and smiled. He wanted you to like him, and he was proud of what he'd done.

The audience wants blood. Like in Roman times, we are all the witnesses to the bloody battles in the coliseum from the comfort of our couches, but there are no winners here. Everyone is a loser. Our families, our society, our schools, our culture.

We always hear the same old clichés on the news when shit like this happens: "I never thought it would happen in our community" .. "I still can't believe that it happened in our own backyard" .. "He seemed like such a good kid."

I was watching CNN while they were interviewing people that went to the school. I almost threw up. The students being interviewed couldn't have been more well groomed for the spotlight and happy to be on television. They were calm, cool and collective; like they've been lying on a beach in Hawaii all weekend and just got five consecutive blow jobs. They did not seem like people who just saw people that they knew that went to their school slaughtered like a pig on a farm.

This is it kid, your fifteen minutes -- Just look into the camera and tell the world exactly what you saw. Smile -- everyone loves a smile. Tell us how you ran to get your video camera to videotape your fellow students being gunned down. Tell the world, the truth will vindicate all of us. Maybe if you're lucky you'll get a book deal!

How many lives were ruined in those few minutes. The people killed, the families of the people killed, the friends of the people killed, the people injured when red hot bullets pierced their flesh and tore their bodies open. The kid who did the shooting, the shooters family, the shooters friends...

I wonder what kind of positive things came out of this whole mess. Let's see -- Shares for CNN went up, making them tens of millions of dollars. Ratings went up as well. The reporters on the scene got promotions and salary raises for a "job well done." Some Senator out there is thinking up some new law that will be named after him, and congress will bring forth new laws so things like this don't happen again...

And I'll sit here, watching. Watching the world turn on itself and roll around in its own shit. I'm sure I'll be writing these exact same words a few months from now when this happens again. And it will happen, believe me -- the spark was ignited a long time ago and the domino effect of society crumbling in on itself is becoming more apparent every day.
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I know why you want to hate me, cos hate is all the world has ever seen lately. Sometimes I give myself the creeps, sometimes my mind plays tricks on me. It all keeps adding up, I think I'm cracking up. Run away from from all your boredom, worries cares ...fly. All it takes is one decision a little guts, a little vision. Time, time - Prozac can make it better. What's in a name? If I fall a long way, pick me up and dust me off. And if I get too tired to make it, be my breath so I can walk. Shouldn't be so complicated. In the shape of what's to come, too much poison left undone. You might as well be walking on the sun. Get outta my mouth, get outta my head, get outta my mind, stop putting words in my head. Always silent never talking. I wouldn't want to take everything out on you, although I know I do, every time I fall. If you're feeling in doubt of what life's all about, lift your head up high and blow your brains out. I hope you take this the wrong way and misinterpret what I say....

cut my life into pieces, this is my last resort, suffocation, no breathing, don't give a fuck if i carry on breathing, so i look in your direction, but you pay me no attention do you? I know you don't listen to me, cos you say you see staight through me, i wanna live life, never be cruel, i wanna live life and be good to you, and i wanna fly, never come down, and live my life, have friends around, i cannot take this anymore, saying the words you said before,all these words they make no sense, i found this is ignorance, the less i hear the less you say, everything you say to me, takes me one step close to the edge, shut up, shut up, shut up, you talk too much, cos I'm one step closer to the edge and I'm about break, i watch the stars fall silent from your eyes, all the sights i have seen, i can't believe, that i believed i wished that you could see, every planet in the solar system, there is nothing up my sleeve. You and I, had to be, the standing joke of the east, you were a run around, a lost and found. Take your hands off me, I don't belong to you, you see. Take a look, at my face, for the last time. I never knew you, you never knew me, say hello, goodbye. Say the way I miss you more, until you see the shore. I wouldn't wanna be anywhere else but here, I wouldn't wanna change anything at all, I wouldn't wanna take everything out on you, though I know I do, everytime I fall. Day dreaming, chain smoking, always laughing always joking. I would like to leave this city, this old town don't smell too pretty and I can feel the worn insides running around my mind. So here I go, still scratching around in the same old hole, my body feels young but my mind feels very old. And when I leave this planet, you know I'd stay, but I just can't stand it. I twiddle my thumbs for a bit, I'm sick of all this shit, in a house with unlocked doors, and I'm fuckin bored. I locked the door to my own cell and I lost the key, Take me away, take me away.....

hello, I waited here for you. Tonight, I throw myself into you. Come down, and waste away with me. Tonight I'm tangled into my blankets of clouds, dreaming aloud. I wanna thankyou mum, I wanna thankyou dad for bringing this fucking world to a bitter end. I never really hated one true god, but the god of the people I hated. Can't tell the bible from the mountain top, now my hands are shaking, but i just can't stop, can't tell the bible from the mountain top, no we're not right. What on earth is going on inmy heart, as it turns, its as cold as stone, it seems these days, I don't feel anything, unless it cuts right down to the bone. Its a fucked up world, in a fucked up place. Where everyones judged by their fucked up face. Fucked up dreams, fucked up life, fucked up kids with a fucked up knife. Fucked up mum, fucked up dad, theres a fucked up cop, with a fucked up badge. Where're all fucked up, so what you gonna do? Fucked up me, fucked up you.