A short time ago, a self-described Vampire Queen instant messaged one of my compatriots, and the humorous text that follows may be offensive to minions of the night! All spelling, punctuation, and grammar errors are left intact...partially cuz I'm lazy, and partially cuz I want to capture the spirit of the conversations.

VampireQueen6971: nice profile
atomicface: thanks
VampireQueen6971: np
VampireQueen6971: what do u look like? if i may ask?
atomicface: like a loathsome boil festering on a daisy
VampireQueen6971: lol
VampireQueen6971: bitter huh?
atomicface: nope
atomicface: just flippant
VampireQueen6971: why is it everytimeI talk to someone form atheism they talk like you?
atomicface: how do us atheists talk?
VampireQueen6971: when you ask them something they give an answer like you did
VampireQueen6971: I am a vamp what do you think?
atomicface: why we talk the way we do?
atomicface: i know not
VampireQueen6971: I am truely a VampyreQueen but I am a psychic vamp
VampireQueen6971: forget it
atomicface: what is a "psychic vamp?"
VampireQueen6971: tsomeone who feeds off the energy an aura of others
VampireQueen6971: sorry for bothering you bye
atomicface: ive never heard of that
atomicface: thats interesting
VampireQueen6971: I am royalty
atomicface: is this psychic vampire thing something you came up with?
atomicface: certainly makes being a vampire much easier
VampireQueen6971: no it is not something I made up
VampireQueen6971: and I do drink blood also but I was born a psychic vamp
atomicface: so wheredja get this idea of a psychic vamp from then?
atomicface: how many cups of blood do you consume a day?
VampireQueen6971: you obviousl doubt me
VampireQueen6971: so there is no point in continueing this
atomicface: im genuinely inquisative
atomicface: and if i doubt you, then convince me
atomicface: do you only interact with people who completely accept everything you say?
VampireQueen6971: I am not here to convince you I have done it too many times
VampireQueen6971: and I tire of it
atomicface: i just wanna know more about psychic vampires
atomicface: my friend just said that if I cross my legs and arms i can't be gotten to by a psychic vamp. is this true?
VampireQueen6971: your friend is full of shit
atomicface: nope. that's just what she told me which she got from her friend
VampireQueen6971: what is her friend?
atomicface: what is she? like whaddya mean?
VampireQueen6971: what makes her know anything?
atomicface: fuck if i know, its just what i got
VampireQueen6971: lol
VampireQueen6971: ok
VampireQueen6971: oh that is too good
atomicface: actually, she's the dark mistress of tantallus
VampireQueen6971: alrighty then
atomicface: and she fries bowling balls with her fecal matter
VampireQueen6971: alrighty then
atomicface: so seriosuly, like if i was in a room, how would you mentally suck my energy or what have you? forgive me if im using improper lingo
VampireQueen6971: focus
atomicface: do you visualize anything?
VampireQueen6971: i love to do it while doing other things
atomicface: do you get a rush?
VampireQueen6971: hell yea
atomicface: what does it feel like?
VampireQueen6971: it is the best high
atomicface: can one become a psychic vampire?
VampireQueen6971: yes
atomicface: how?
VampireQueen6971: I could not tellu  ,I was born it
atomicface: oh
atomicface: i thought you would know
atomicface: well im going to go to bed soon
atomicface: but its been very interesting talking to a crackhead. regardless of whether you're fronting or not, yer still a bil ol crack ho
VampireQueen6971: fuck off
[at this point, VampireQueen starts WARNIN' me, up to 10%]
atomicface: oh no!
atomicface: ahhhh!
atomicface: my AIM energy is being vampyred away!
VampireQueen6971: fuck off
[WARNING up to 20%]
atomicface: "im melting...."
VampireQueen6971: go away
atomicface: k bye
atomicface: :-)
VampireQueen6971: go away

Hoping to create an environment of intolerance to idiocy, I quickly followed suit and conversed with the royalty of bloodsucking freaks. Read about it on
PAGE TWO.
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