| Since the dawn of time, mankind has relied on the virtue of conformity in order to mantain cohesive social bonds and move ahead as a race. Without people following the crowd, absolutely nothing would be acheived, since most undertakings require a certain amount of cooperation and obedience to group pressures and norms. Would the great pyramids have been constructed if Sid Vicious or Marilyn Manson had been the pharoah at the time? No, of course not. The Egyptian treasury would have been rooted to feed their own opiate or plastic surgery addictions, the people would eventually rebel, and this great society would have been no more than a footnote in the annals of human history. (Which might be just as well, as it would give conspiracy theorists less "evidence" to believe that space invaders colonized the earth. And I am not talking about the fun, happy, video-game style space invaders. I am speaking of extraterrestrial powers with nuclear weapons and genetic labs that some argue were used to artificially create the Freemasons.) The "nature-nurture" debate is certainly a useless one when it comes to nonconformity, since both are important contributing factors as to whether a child grows up to wear khakis or leather bondage pants. Since we cannot change genetics, short of requesting that expectant mothers stand near microwaves or power transformers, we shall focus on the child's upbringing in order to ensure a healthy teen-and-adulthood. Some quick ways to help curb any developing or latent nonconformity include: 1. Making the child watch an alternate version of "Edward Scissorhands", in which Edward purchases a snappy American Eagle sweater-vest in the first half hour of the film and is quickly and unconditionally accepted by his peers. 2. Explaining that David Bowie had to sleep with alot of muppets in order to get his starring role in "The Labyrinth". 3. Baby Gap Clothes! 4. Inspecting a child's music collection can often help. Replace any Slipknot or albums with the word "Boobies" appearing in any song title with Dave Matthews or Digital Underground fare. (Note: Digital Underground is cool.) Phase Two: Explaining the disadvantages of rebellion. 1. Long hair can get caught in jet engine intakes, barbed wire, etc. 2. Most goth artists went insane from overexposure to noises from the industrial districts. 3. Van Gogh was considered a nonconformist in his day, and he not only suffered from lead poisoning, but also ended up cutting off his own ear. 4. Flipping "the bird" during family pictures will get you the nickname "that pimply-faced angry kid." To Conclude... As I have demonstrated, conforming and fitting in with the crowd will make you alot happier and get you better business prospects than art dealer or porn shop clerk. so the choice is clear! For more info on how to follow the herd off the edge of a cliff, read about Project R. |
| All Gore Metal Is Just Ripping off Carcass. |