Nov. 29, 1999 - a "normal" Monday morning
Well, they did it. They've issued a death certificate declaring Derek to be a suicidal maniac who blew himself and his house to smithereens. His attorney just called with the news and to tell me that he would be delivering a letter that Derek left for me. Apparently, each of us has one, including Kat, Ingrid, and their mother, even Philip - all to be delivered on the date a death certificate was issued. Leave it to Derek to plan ahead.
It's funny. I'm sitting here on a bench outside the boat house - my new home. Has all I need - I seem to function very well at Square 1. It's a typical SF morning - gulls screeching, buoy clanging. Heard on the radio... fog in the morning, partly cloudy afternoon, showers expected, high 59, low 49. How more typical San Francisco can you get? Down here I can pretend that it is typical - that it's normal. I can pretend the house is still there and Derek is in his office plugging away at his paperwork - until a boatload of suits arrives or departs. This is a great observation post. I might be interim precept, but right now I'm definitely out of the loop & interim precept of nothing. Here I can see who comes & who goes & what they take with them.
You know what I can't get past is "their" goddamned normalcy. This normal, typical world still exists because Derek Rayne plugged the leak in Hell's dyke with his own life - maybe with his own soul. Yet here they all are, trashing his reputation and trying to rape his legacy, and all the while playing at something I can't even guess at. What would Derek do? I wonder if he knew their game.
When I 1st came to Angel Is., I was so filled with rage & hate & pain that it was on the verge of consuming me. I wore it like a badge of honor. Because of that, I was like a stick of bad dynamite waiting to go off. I could have taken everyone around me with me, but Derek took me in, stuck with me, made me understand. He showed me that it was OK to have this rage, but that it needed to be used, directed, controlled. I'm still working on that & probably always will. But I'll use it here, I won't (what's the word?) disrespect Derek by wasting it in a chaotic blast. I'll wait. I'll fertilize it with their bullshit, then I'll find the truth & bring them all down. Then Derek will have his due, and a Legacy worthy of him.
But what I don't get is Philip. No one's heard from "our priest" - not so much as a "what happened?" I know he's not off in the boonies. I've left message after message. Just when you think he's pulled himself together and stopped the "woe is me" crapola, he lets you down yet again. Alex and Kat really need him. F**kin' deserter.
PS Frances just called. I'll bet they're monitoring the damn cellphone frequencies. She's coming over later with some lunch and an interesting, "little present." Smart lady. She said they had a fire at the lab early Sat. morning - probably someone out to destroy evidence to stop a court case. Could be, but I have to wonder.
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