In my case, perimenopause was a five or six year process that seemed at times as if it would never end.  But, it did.  Somewhere along the way I would go whole months without a hot flash.  I can’t remember when I stopped throwing the covers off at night.  Or when I began to be able to tolerate the heat generated by my husband’s body as he reached out for me in his sleep.  One day I realized I was actually cold when it was cold outside.  

    Panic attacks were a terrifying residual effect of menopause for me.  I learned how to handle them by reading and applying everything I could get my hands on about the disorder and by praying a lot.  I haven’t had one in ages.  I am no longer moody.  I remember things.  I’m less tired.  I don’t have all that wonderful energy, the so-called zest for life that Margaret Mead talked about, but I don’t suppose I had it even before menopause.  However, I’m no longer exhausted all the time and that’s a major accomplishment.  

    I still have trouble sleeping.  I fall asleep right away, but I often find myself awake in the early morning hours even though the hot flashes that once woke me in the middle of the night are long gone.  I’ve developed a routine that works for me.  I get up, read or write.  Often I watch T.V. The weather channel soothes me and puts me back to sleep.  No plot there for me to become involved with.  Sometimes I go back to bed.  Sometimes I don’t.  It doesn’t matter.  Since I usually feel fine the next day, I know I’m getting enough sleep. 

    I’m no longer mean or impatient with others.  In fact, I have become a kinder, more sensitive person all around.  I suppose the biggest post-menopausal change has to do with the fearfulness that had incapacitated me for so long.  I am no longer afraid. 

    I have said often enough how much I yearned to be my pre-menopausal self.  Am I?  I don’t think so.  If going through menopause is indeed progressing through a natural phase of life as most women believe, then we know we can expect some growth to take place.  Menopause was not easy for me.  But, I learned compassion for other women who are not having an easy time of it.  As a nurse, I didn’t think I needed to learn empathy.  Yet, I did.  I no longer view depression and anxiety with a clinician’s indifferent eye, but with the sensitivity of one who knows what it feels like to be so sad it hurts or too afraid to move.  The growth process during menopause was more painful to me than it was during my adolescence.  But the message here is I survived it.  And, not only did I remain sane, I became a stronger, more accepting and happier human being.

 by Leona Lipari Lee, MA, RN