Pain. It was the only thing I could comprehend as my mind, and body, hurled back into consciousness. Pure mind numbing pain. But after the pain came the confusion. Why am I in pain, anyway? Where am I? why am I in so much fucking pain? Okay so the pain was still a large factor in my world.
Slowly, because it hurt too much to go at any other speed, I opened my eyes, only to be blinded by harsh florescent lights. I tired to ask someone to turn the damn things off, but my throat was too dry and raw. All I could manage was a low groan that felt like it�d tear my vocal cords apart.
�She�s awake,� a man yelled, who he was or who he was yelling at didn�t help my confusion any.
Someone�s, I think the same man who yelled, lips pressed against my forehead. They whispered something but I couldn�t understand it at all.
A hand, once again I�m assuming it�s the same man, took mine and kissed it. They were the same, soft lips that had kissed my forehead. But how could those lips and those rough hands belong to the same man?
Wait, I�ve got another question. Who is he?
�Open you eyes,� the man whispered against my temple, it sounded more like a plea than a request.
I wanted to shake my head, but even thinking about it made it hurt. But something inside my stomach wanted to make him happy and my eyes opened without permission.
�The lights,� I whispered, knowing my throat would burn.
The lights went off and some of the pain in my head eased. Although the light flooding form the thin blinds covering the windows brought some of that pain back.
The man with the perfectly soft lips and rough hands was sitting to the right of my hospital bed. Wait � hospital bed? �What happened?� I choked out.
�I don�t know. I came home and you were at the bottom of the stairs�unconscious.� I have no idea who this man is, but he seems to know me. is he my brother or something. Do I have a brother?
�Good afternoon, Mrs. Madden. It�s nice to see you awake. How are you feeling?� A doctor, I guess my doctor, picked up my clipboard and started scribbling on it.
�All I can feel is pain.� The more I talked, the less it hurt.
�That�s understandable considering the number of bruises you�ve got covering your body. Thankfully you didn�t receive any broken bones.� He paused to write something.
�What�s your name?� I asked.
�I am Doctor Joshua Calvin. And you are Tana Madden.�
�At least I know my name now.�
�What?� the guy with the soft lips freaked.
�Who�s he?� I continued, motioning to the man.
�He�s your husband, Benjamin Madden, Benji for short,� Doc explained, pulling a chair up to sit on the other side of the hospital bed.
�Oh�how long have we been married?�
�Four years.� Benji�s voice was soft, and almost too quiet to hear.
�Do you have a wedding ring?� I don�t know why I asked.
He held up his left hand �Man� was written across his fingers then a ring on his pinky. �We did it a little differently then most. But you wear yours on your ring finger.�
I looked down at my bare left hand.
�When you were brought in we took all your jewelry,� Doc explained.
I nodded, it made sense. �Do we have any kids?�
Benji shook his head, looking down at the ground. He looked up at Doc and asked, �Is this normal?�
Doc nodded. Well that�s good to know. �After traumatic experiences it�s quite normal.�
�How do we fix it?� Good question, Benji. You get a cookie.
�It varies from case to case. Any thing could trigger her memories.�
That answer didn�t seem to sit right with Benji. The same thing in my stomach that made me open my eyes told me that.
�Can I talk to Benji for a few minutes?� I asked Doc, who nodded and left. No memory and a husband�great. I tried to memorized Benji, hoping something would click. Nothing did. I wanted nothing more than to comfort him�but I couldn�t remember how. �This must really suck for you. Sucks for me too.� Did I always have such a way with words?
�Do you remember anything?� he asked, once again studying the floor�or maybe his shoes. He should prop them up so I�d have something to stare at too.
�I remember that your name�s Benji Madden and that was Doctor Joshua Calvin�hell I don�t even remember my name and he told me that five minutes ago.�
�It�s Tana Jennifer Madden. Your maiden name was Coleman. Me, you, and my brother � but not in that order � always ended up sitting together in school, at least when they�d put us in alphabetical order.�
�But if your last name was Madden��
He smiled a little. �It use to be Combs. My dad left when I was sixteen, me and my brother changed to our mom�s maiden name.�
�Oh. What�s your brother�s name?�
�Joel. We�re twins.�
�Do I have any brothers or sisters?� It�s weird having to ask someone else about your life.
Benji shook his head.
�What about my parents?�
I really didn�t like the look in his eyes or the hesitation. �Your parents never really�approved of us. And then when we got married they cut you off completely.�
Damn. I must have really loved him to give up my family. If I can�t remember�will I love him the same?
We were quiet for awhile, I don�t know exactly how long.
�Do I do anything or am I just one of those house wives that sit around?�
He laughed. The fucker actually laughed. �You�ve never sat around as long as I�ve know you. You�re too busy makin sure we�re on time to do anything else.�
�Who�s we?�
�I�m in a band called Good Charlotte. We kinda suck though.�
I nodded. Note to self: don�t ask to listen to any of their songs. �You can�t be that bad.�
�We�re not.� Hello dude standin in the doorway.
�That�s Joel,� Benji explained.
Fuck. It would have to be my husband�s twin brother.
�Tana knows who I am,� Joel chuckled.
Benji stood and pulled Joel out of the room. Yeah, cause I don�t know what you�re about to tell him. Excuse my why I roll my eyes. Joel�s taller than Benji. I like tall guys�I think.
�How tall am I?� I asked as soon as they came back in the door. �And how tall are both of you?�
�You�re five foot four. I�m five-seven and Joel�s five-nine.� Benji sat back down next to me and pulled off his hoodie. Damn that�s a lot of tattoos. Do I have any?
I resisted the urge to throw off my blankets and find out. I also had to resist the urge to reach out for Benji�s arm to look at his. Wonder if he�s got a tattoo for me.
Even Pictures Fade Main
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