�What�s my favorite color?� I asked Joel two hours later. Benji left twenty minutes ago to get something.
Joel thought a moment. �You don�t really have one. You have favorite color combinations.�
�Like?�
�Black and pink. Black and red. Black and blue�black and just about anything. You like a lot of blue too.�
�Have I ever jumped out of a plane?�
He chuckled, shaking his head. �You have gone bungee jumping though. A couple times. Benji�s always afraid you�ll get hurt.�
�And my great demise is a flight of stairs.� Oh something I learned two hours ago: Good Charlotte does not suck, in fact they are quite popular. There are three other members too. Billy Martin, Paul Thomas, and Chris Wilson. And it was my job to make sure they got on stage at the right time, to interviews at the right time � basically I was their watch.
Benji came back with a box full of stuff.
�What�s all that?� I asked, my curiosity getting the best of me.
�All the stuff you normally can�t live without. And some stuff that will hopefully make you remember.� Benji set the box down and pulled out a CD player � good it�s too quiet in here. Next he handed me a book of CDs.
I stopped paying attention to what else was in the box and started flipping through the CDs. �What did I normally listen to?�
�All of them.� Benji flipped through a couple pages and pulled out a CD by a band called �Smile Empty Soul.� He put it in and pushed play. �This is one of the last CDs you bought. I was kinda surprised you did because you�d only heard one song by them.�
�How long does it usually take me?�
�You usually listen to someone else�s or download a couple songs.�
I nodded. �What else did you bring me?�
�Couple magazines, a book, and photo albums.�
�Give me the pictures.� I forced myself to sit up and found myself scooting over so Benji could sit on the bed next to me. I turned my head to say something to Joel, only to find him gone.
Benji put one of the albums across our laps and slid an arm around me. He�s like someone else�s husband, I just live in her body.
I think he noticed that I tensed because he moved his arm.
�Sorry.� He opened the album quickly. There were drawings and captions around the pictures so the entire page looked like a work of art. �Damn.�
�You did this. You�d always bring shoe boxes full of pictures and a bunch of empty albums. Whenever you�d have any down time you�d work on these.� Benji pulled out the first picture and handed it to me. �That�s us a couple months ago.�
Benji looked good. Damn did he look good. We were sitting on a couch, me leaning against him. �I�m hot.�
He laughed.
�Did I say that out loud?�
Benji nodded and kissed the side of my head.
�It�s not like I remember what I look like. I�ve seen my arms and the rest of me covered with a blanket.�
�I know. It�s just that you�ve never said that before. You�ve never really cared what you looked like. It�s one of the things I�ve always loved about you. The fact that you�re beautiful and you don�t care.�
I�m quickly realizing why I left my family for him. I only have maybe three hours worth of memories containing Benji Madden but I�m realizing why Tana Jennifer Coleman gave up everything to be Tana Madden. �How old were we when we got married?�
�Twenty.�
�So I�m twenty-four.�
�Yeah. You�re three months younger than me. June thirteenth, nineteen-seventy-nine.�
�When�s your birthday?�
�March eleventh.�
�When�d we get married? What date?�
�October thirty-first.�
�We got married on Halloween? It wasn�t creepy, was it?�
He smiled and got off the bed. Benji handed me another album done in black and red satin. �You can go ahead and look at it. I�ll be right back.� He left and for the first time since I woke, I was alone.
The world turned black and red as I opened the album and started going through the pictures. The first one was of me and Benji. My dress was gorgeous. The black satin with hints of red fit every curve perfectly and yards of material pooled at my feet looking like a puddle of black onyx.
Upon further inspection of myself I noticed a tattoo on my upper right arm. I pulled up the sleeve on my hospital gown to see a band of black stars circling my toned upper arm, above it was a girl with outstretched wings, much like a dragons. She was looking down at her black shoes and a doll was hanging limply by it�s arm from her left hand. The only thing in the picture was one of the filled in black stars.
I pulled up my other sleeve but was disappointed when I didn�t see any tattoos.
�It�s above your elbow.� I looked up to see a pretty, although skinny, guy in my door way. �I saw you looking at your tattoos. You�ve got one above your left elbow.�
Twisting my arm at odd, painful angles I found I have a tattoo of the letters �GC��hey so do Benji and Joel.
�Me and Paul have one too, so does Aaron. I�m Billy.�
I nodded. �Wait, Aaron?�
�He was our original drummer.�
Once again, I nodded. �You�re so pretty.� Hey it slipped.
He chuckled. �You use to tell me that all the time.� Billy sat down next to me. �Is it weird?�
�It�s like watching a movie that�s told in first person�or getting into a first person book. You can see what�s happening, but you have no clue how you�re suppose to react to that person.�
This time he nodded. �it�s tearing Benji apart � having some of you, but not all of you. He�s worried his Tana�s never going to come back. I haven�t known him as long as you have, but as far as I�m concerned there�s always been Benji and Tana in some form.�
Damn. I don�t know if I wanna give up or try harder. If I just give up Benji can find someone better. but if I try harder he�d either get his Tana back�or I�d never remember. Either way I was getting a head ache just thinking about it. I didn�t mean to but I sighed out loud as I pressed the heel of my hands into my eyes.
�Are you okay? I knew without opening my eyes that, that was Benji � probably standing in the doorway like everyone else kept doing.
�Just a head ache.� I opened my eyes and was surprised to see him standing at the end of my bed.
�You�re sure?�
I nodded. �I�never mind.�
�Alright, visiting hours are over, you have to leave. Benji, you can stay.� A nurse walked in and started doing stuff. �Tana needs her rest.�
�Bye, Billy,� I mumbled.
A few minutes, and test, later the room became dark. The nurse had put something in my IV so I�d go to sleep. I didn�t really want to. What if I don�t wake up me again?
I could feel the stuff kicking in. �I�m sorry,� I whispered to Benji.
�For what, Baby?�
�Not being able to remember.�
Even Pictures Fade Main
On to Chapter 3