Avatar Awards
Most inhospitable place to live | Most gruesome disease | Worst decade | Worst beauty tips | Nastiest insect
The award for the 'most inhospitable place to live' goes to
Australia, yes you heard me right, Australia. To get to this position it had to beat the Sahara desert, the Antarctic and even the swamps of Florida in mosquito season (I am so tempted to put Scotland in this list). Want to know why Australia? Because 90% of it is desert, freezing at night and boiling in the day, but that's not the only reason, ho no. Australia has the biggest collection of the most venomous, poisonous and down right wired creatures around. Black widows, Funnel webs, all 10 of the deadliest snakes in the world, sharks in droves, crocodiles, millimetre big octopuses that can kill you without you even knowing they've bitten you, a nettle which kills you through shear shock at the agony it induces and the worlds only poisonous mammal! The duckbilled platypus: not only is it the only mammal with a bill, not only is it one of the only two that lay eggs, but it actually makes a toxic substance, weirdest creature award or what!The really gutting thing is half the poisons are only effective against humans, a creature not native to the island. Rats or dogs can shrug off the effects. But there's one more even more horrendous fact about Australia. It's full of Australians! Millions of them! How they survive is a mystery, and how they survive watching non-stop TV with Australian accents is even more of one (such fun gypping the colonies...I'll try to keep the rest of it to myself...)
'Most gruesome disease' could go to so many candidates (genital herpes, gangrene, small pox, plague) but I think the
Ebola virus deserves the award. After infection you develop a sore throat, fever, weakness, muscle pain, and headaches. As the virus progresses vomiting, diarrhoea, rash, and limited kidney and liver function occur. After about 14 days of infection bleeding becomes uncontrollable. Blood passes through eyes, lips, nose, ears and skin. Actually you bleed from every orifice in the body. You also go insane, unsurprisingly.The Ebola virus has effects on your internal body as well, and these are the really nice ones. You experience internal bleeding. After about 5 days of infection your internal organs basically liquefy. The Ebola virus destroys the cells in your liver and the lining of all internal organs. At this point you will most likely die from the virus. The people who survive the virus usually had a less direct infection. Ebola virus has about 90% mortality rate, and of those who survive, they probably wish they hadn't. It basically destroys every cell in your body except muscle and bone.
It's spread through bodily liquid contact or as yet unidentified vector animals. When you start bleeding through the skin and going into uncontrollable muscle spasms and shakes, you can coat every one within a couple of meters with blood (one way to paint a room a realistic shade of crimson). The only consolation is that the air bone variety is less dangerous, and rarely lethal, but then again, there's always mutation...
'Worst decade' is really a contest between the
70's and 80's. I can't really decide between the two, but lets face it their legacies are both hideous. Flares, afro's, so-called 'dance' music, platforms, men in mascara (not even in drag), urrgh, the mind convulses. Ok, the 70's were worse than the 80's, if only for the crappy music (some of the eighties stuff is still listened to...I'm told you understand)
People have had to endure a lot in the name of fashion over the years (just look at the previous entry), but here's the top pick for 'Worst ever fashion tips'.
White lead: Upside- makes your face nice and pale Downside- Rots your face off
Zinc/pig fat eye shadow: Upside- Gives your eyes a pleasing green/blue tint Downside- Bacteria eat away your eyes
Tape worms: Upside- Makes the weight drop off Downside- You starve to death
Peroxides: Upside- Bleaches your hair wonderfully Downside- Hair falls out & burns scalp
However the worst fashion craze of all time has to be
Foot binding; it started as the 'in thing' in ancient china, and all respectable women just had to have it done! Downside- to achieve it your feet must be broken and tightly bound into a new shape for the rest of your life putting you in constant agony and rendering you unable to perform basic feats of athleticism (such as walking at a moderately fast pace). Upside- there isn't one really...
Now this is a tough category to fill. Nastiest insect could mean so much. Ok lets go over it logically. The Bullet ant is perhaps one of the least fun to get attacked by. Want to know why its called bullet...its because that's what it feels like to be bitten by one!
The most fatal insect in the world is the mosquito, killing and injuring more people per year than any other creature. But it's not really the mosquito that does the damage, but the Malaria protozoa hitching a ride in its gut.
Most annoying insect is undoubtedly the common wasp. Just being near a single grain of sugar is enough to get mobbed by them, and you just can't get rid of them, at all, ever. The only place to go to get away from them are the polar circles! Try to fight back you end up getting stung! It's a no-win, no-win situation outside the winter months.
Most nightmarish insect has to be the primal communal mind of the killer bee. They'll chase you for 200m at least and wait for you under water. They mean to kill and give no mercy. People think it's the poison that does the damage, but its not. The external stings may hurt like crazy and gradually paralyse your heart and chest, but it's when they get in your mouth and sting your throat and lungs directly that they can kill in no time at all. The swelling literally suffocates you.
So there you have it I think. The winner is not going to be African killer bee though. There is an even deadlier version, the
South American killer bee, made by scientists by crossing the African bee with a European honeybee to make a profitable honey producing South American version. However, before they could realise what a dangerous creature they had made, it was accidentally released. Thanks science, just what we needed!